America
by EvilRegal10
Summary: A teenager doesn't care about politics, power and money. A teenager cares about friends and fun, love and happiness and at sixteen years old, that's all that Emily Prentiss wants and never really had. Maybe this time it's different.
1. Chapter 1

It was hard.

It was always hard.

Every single time.

This time, though, maybe it was even harder.

Italy was going to hold a piece of her forever.

She was leaving behind more than she had ever done before.

It was harder this time.

She was staring at the sky through the window and thinking about having to do it all over again and she couldn't help but hate it.

Hate her mother's job.

Hate her mother.

Hate herself.

She grew to hate herself because she knew how every single time it was going to end but still she didn't make it easier.

She got involved.

She grew close to people.

She loved them.

But she never has the time.

She never had the time to love them for real.

She never have the time to enjoy her life and realise that she was living it.

She never had the time to make sure people loved her enough not to forget her.

She never knew if her friends remembered her.

She left every time knowing she won't forget the people she met and the friends she made but she never knew if they were going to remember her and love her still.

Like she did.

She saw her mother walk from the opposite side of the private jet and approach her.

She didn't want to hear it.

Whatever it was.

'Honey-'

'Don't' Emily didn't even look at her.

She didn't want to and she didn't need to.

She was tired of being her mother's second choice.

She never came first and she was done being okay with it.

Italy changed her forever and she was not going to pretend it was fine even when it wasn't.

Her mother was a mother and she needed to know the pain she had caused and still was causing.

She was not going to sugar coat it.

It sucked and she wasn't okay with it but she didn't have another choice.

Still, she was not going to lie about it and say she was happy about losing her friends and having to start over.

Again.

'Whatever you needed to tell me, I don't want to hear it' Emily looked at her mother just for a split second and the mother of the sixteen year old sighed

'Look I get it. You're mad because we're leaving and you'll miss your friends but, honey-'

'Cut the crap mom, really. I said I don't want to hear it'

She was tired of the pep talks her mother would give her every time they left.

They were empty words and meaningless promises.

It wasn't true that it was a privilege being able to travel so much and see so many things.

Was it a privilege not to have friends?

Was it a privilege not to feel like you belong?

Was it a privilege not to have a home?

Her mother never considered her point of view.

She was only sixteen and sometimes a sixteen year old doesn't care about money and politics and chances.

Sometimes they only care about love and friendships, fun and happiness.

Emily doesn't remember being happy.

She remembers feeling good but being scared of losing it all of a sudden.

But never happy.

She was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop and this anxiousness never let her truly enjoy things.

Her mother didn't see any of this.

She didn't see her own daughter and her pain and unhappiness.

Emily had tried and tried but it didn't make sense anymore.

A child shouldn't do all the work.

A child should be met halfway.

Her mother never made a move towards her and Emily was tired of trying for the both of them.

That's when she started resenting her and when she felt like she completely lost herself.

She turned her gaze towards the sky and the windows and played with the pendant attached to her neck.

It was a Sagittarius.

For the ones born in December.

That pendant held the last year of her life and Emily wanted to hold onto that as much as possible.

Her mother left her alone and returned to her seat.

They didn't really speak again until the arrived at the new house which was pretty much just another hotel for Emily.

All the houses felt like hotels to Emily, never like home.

As soon as the driver got them there, Emily took her stuff and ran upstairs.

She looked around and soon found what was clearly her mother's room so, immediatly, she charged towards the farthest one from her mother's and made her own by shutting the door, dropping her stuff on the floor and falling on the bed.

She stared at the ceiling and played with the little pendant and before she knew it, she was fast asleep in the newness of her new life.

Sleeping was the only moment she has to go back to happy places and ignore all the crap her mother was putting her through.

She was woken up buy a cold hand shaking her gently 'Emily, deae, wake up'

Emily opened her eyes and through her blurred vision, she saw her mother

Sat on her bed,

Next to her.

'Mmmm?' She rubbed her eyes.

'It's past dinner time. I thought you might be hungry. There's take out in the kitchen'

Emily, as soon as food was mentioned, realised she was indeed hungry so quickly got up and went downstairs without saying anything else to her mother.

A couple of minutes latere Elizabeth saw her daughter sitting on the kitchen counter poking at the food in the plate.

'This sucks' she said in a dead tone 'Like, really bad'

Elizabeth chuckled because she thought the exact same thing when she ate hers

'I guess I forgot Italian here is not really the same Italian we've been eating'

'Antonio would be so pissed and go like 'Damn Americani' ' Antonio was their chef.

'I miss him' she said in a whisper.

Antonio and her had quite a good bond.

He made her the most amazing food and treats and was always there for her to cheer her up when she was upset.

His three kids made him an expert with young people and she felt like he was kind of like a father figure.

Another thing she missed.

'You'll get used to it honey' her mother tried to have a soft tone to make her feel better but of course she was just trying to sugar coat the hurricane she was about to hit Emily with.

'Also there's something you need to know' she had her totally attention.

'I though it was better for you to start school as soon as possible so you could start your routine, make friends and not be all alone with your thoughts all alone so I said you were starting on Monday'

'WHAT?'

'Emily-'

'No! What the fuck mom? Monday is like in two days! I don't even know if I'll get over jet-leg in two days. Are you out of your mind? PLUS, you didn't' even ask what I thought about it and how I felt'

'Because I knew what you were going to say'

'NO SHIT SHERLOCK! You knew what I was going to say and you still made the wrong choice. Wow, they should give yo an award for actually being able to do something like that' she jumped off the counter and walked towards the door.

'Where are you going?'

'I'm going out for a walk'

'It's late and dark-' the door banged loud and she was left alone.

Elizabeth sighed, threw out the food and went upstairs frustrated with her daughter.

Emily, on the other hand, started walking without really knowing where she was going.

Why her?

Why her mother couldn't understand?

Why did she not care?

She was furious and didn't see the girl that was walking by and bumped into her 'Oh my god, I'm so sorry!' She exclaimed mortified.

'Oh don't worry about it. It was probably my fault. Olly was pulling' the blonde girl smiled gently and the dog barked at Emily.

'I wasn't really looking where I was going'

The blue eyes blonde smiled again and shushed the dog and when she looked at Emily her expression changed completely.

'Is something wrong?' Emily was taken by surprise buy the sudden change.

'Uhm...' she really didn't know what to say.

Emily looked around worried that something was happening or maybe was about to happened.

'You...'

'What? I what?' The brunette was becoming impatient.

The blonde had a soft look in her eyes and whispered in a gentle tone 'You're crying'

Emily looked shocked. She brought her hand to one cheek and saw that she was in fact crying.

How was it possible that she didn't realise she was crying?

She looked a bit embarrassed and didn't really know what to do or say.

'Here' the blonde started going through her purse 'I think I have some napkins'

Emily looked her take them out and hand them to her.

'Thanks'

'I'm JJ by the way and I'm pretty sure I haven't see you around before'

'I'm Emily and-' she looked around and fuck 'I have no idea where I am. I moved in like 5 minutes ago and I might have walked too much'

'Oh damn. Can I help you get back?'

'You're really sweet but I don't even know where I live to be honest. I think I'll have someone pick me up'

'Gocha' JJ smiled 'Then I guess I'll see you around Emily'

'Bhe JJ and thanks again'

When JJ was out of sight she decided to call her mother. She hated it but she really had no idea how to get back and where she had to go.

Her mother wasn't really happy about it and Emily wasn't happy at all when she saw that her mother didn't actually go to pick her daughter up. She sent a driver.

'You gotta be kidding me' she thought when she saw him get out of the car to open her door.

'I'll do it thanks. Don't worry' she was furious at her mother.

The drive was silent for the most part but at some point Emily was sick of hearing her thoughts and the only person she could really talk to was the driver so she decided to make the most out of the crappy and infuriating situation

'So, I guess you'll be around me a lot and I'll be around you a lot so. What's your name?'

'Frank miss Prentiss. My name is Frank'

'If I tell you to call me Emily you're just going to say that you'll keep calling me miss right?' She already knew it but trying couldn't hurt.

'I'm sorry' he smiled

'Oh trust me. I'm the one who's sorry . You're probably gonna have to deal with me and I'm not the easiest person around but then again, you work for my mother so you've already seen the worst of the worst so I think we'll be fine Frank'

Frank chuckled and didn't say much more and Emily knew he wasn't going to do so because of course he couldn't say her mother was a royal pain in the ass.

When they arrived home she thanked him and said goodbye and then ran straight to her room, totally ignoring her mother who was not so clearly waiting for her.

She undressed and put the first thing she could find on to sleep and closed her eyes trying to fall asleep as soon as possible hoping her mother wouldn't barge in yelling at her.

It didn't happen and she managed to fall asleep even sooner than she expected.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday morning arrived quite soon and Emily just wanted to sleep the whole day and avoid her mother and most importantly she really did not want to go to school.

She huffed and stared at the ceiling for quite some time before actually getting out of bed.

She put on her favourite jeans and a total black t-shirt, took a deep breath, grabbed some money and left to face the hell of a day she had ahead of herself.

Once out of the mansion she saw Frank and smiled a little for the first time.

She liked Frank.

He was probably between fifty and sixty years old and quite chubby.

He looked sweet and funny.

'Morning Frank'

'Good morning miss Prentiss' he was ready to open the door for her but she stopped him

'Okay let's make a deal, you'll let me get on and off the car alone and I'll think about something I'll do for you. Deal?' she held up her fist for it to bump his against.

He chuckled at her and shook his head 'Deal'

She smiled and got in the car waiting for him to get in too and start the engine.

Emily didn't say much until Frank spoke to her 'Nervous?' He asked and she took her eyes away from the window and looked at him through the rearview mirror

'I've done it way too many times to be nervous at this point' she smiled sadly and they didn't speak again.

The silence was comfortable.

Once at school she knew the kids were going to look at her and talk about her because she was the rich kid who couldn't take the poor bus to school and had to have a personal driver to take her every where but she decided she was simply going to ignore them.

None of them knew her and she didn't know them so their opinion didn't matter.

She went straight to the principal office to get it over with and be free of all the futile formalities as soon as possible.

Once in the office she saw a quite beautiful woman.

Blonde with blue eyes and just for a moment JJ's eyes flashed in front of her.

She shook it off and read the name 'E. strauss'

 _Emily? Elizabeth? Please don't be an Elizabeth. I don't want to hate you_ she thought.

'Good morning dear. You must be Emily Prentiss' she shook her head and introduced herself

'I'm Principal Erin Strauss and quite happy to finally meet you. Have a seat'

 _Good, not Elizabeth_

Emily sat and waited for Erin Strauss to go over all the things she has to say.

'You're going to have a tutor to show you around and help you in case you needed anything. Luckily it's barely October you didn't miss that much. Still, the teachers will give you extra work to catch up and also some more time so you can adjust to the new school and routine. In case you need anything you can speak to your tutor or ask for me. We'll try to make this transition as easy and painless as possible'

Emily snorted _painless_

'Is something wrong?'

Emily apologies 'No, I'm sorry I interrupted you'

Erin Strauss eyed her for a couple of seconds and then asked her if she had questions.

Emily shook her head no but when the principal said she was free to go and meet her tutor and welcomed to the Washington High School, Emily was paralysed on the chair.

 _Crap, I have a question_ she thought.

'Prentiss?' She asked 'Something's not clear?'

'No' Emily started 'Uhm...it's just that I actually do have a question'

'Go ahead'

'After all this' she gestured to her and the principal and the room around her 'this thing we just did, usually they tell me that they want to meet my mother and speak to her about me and school and how it'a going to work'

'Oh don't worry about that. I spoke to your mother over the phone'

Here it was.

Emily changed attitude all of a sudden.

And she was angry

'I see, okay then. I'll go' she quickly got up and made it to the door when the principal stopped her

'We only spoke about the school rules, what we expect from you and what you both expect from us. I didn't say anything more and she didn't either'

They both knew what the issue was and it was loud and clear to Emily what Erin Strauss was trying to say.

She was telling her that her mother didn't ask any favours just because of who she was.

She was saying that she didn't make any special promises just because of who her mother was.

'How did you-' Emily was stunned by the fact that the Princiapal just knew it.

'I've done this for quite some time now Emily Prentiss and students your age are no mistery or secret to me. I can read you all like an open book. I'm good at what I do'

Emily nodded. Strauss smiled a little and Emily excused herself and left the room.

As soon as she was out a very colourful girl attacked her

'Hi Emily! You're Emily Prentiss right? Of course you are! I saw the pictures so I know it's you! Hi!'

Emily's eyes almost dropped out and she really didn't know what to do or say.

'I'm Penelope Garcia, your tutor. You ask me anything, I'll get it for you. I looked you up on internet and geez Italy uh? You must be so jet legged I can't even imagine! I know your mom is-'

'Ehy! I don't even know you but rule number one: don't speak of my mother. Don't even say her name'

Penelope looked at her a bit shocked but let it go quite soon and went back to being her usual hurricane self again immediatly after, trying not to push any wrong button this time.

'I'm sorry. Sorry. I promise I won't mention her'

'Good' emily started walking ahead 'Do you have any idea where I need to go?'

 _Great, now I'm pissed. Just great._

Penelope walked with her and never once stopped talking and, weirdly, Emily found it quite nice.

She even found herself smiling genuinely at some point. This Penelope was surely one of a kind.

She walked her to her locker and then to her first class promising her to see her later because they had second period together.

She pulled out of her bag a very peculiar pen and wrote down all her infos

'In case you need anything, you know where to find me and how'

Emily thanked and Penelope looked like she wanted to hug her but Emily didn't really want to and it was clear to the blonde and colourful girl so she went for an awkward pat on the arm instead.

Emily smiled and went inside.

First class was maths.

The likes maths.

To be honest, she liked school and learning.

She liked knowing things and she was definitely a very smart girl.

A very smart girl who could speak six languages.

She was introduced to her class and _thank god_ the professor didn't mention Italy, any other country or her mother.

At the end of the lesson the teacher gave her her catching up and while she was giving it a look Penelope arrived, took her under her arms and walked her to their next class.

'Okay so next one is philosophy. Mr. Rossi is just awesome you'll see. He's super fun and he's also Italian and he never misses a chance to remind us. He's cool but very serious when it comes to exams and all that stuff. His lessons are just the best. Also, all my friends are here too so I can't wait to introduce you to them. They're amazing'

Once in the class, Emily saw that the teacher wasn't there yet and that everyone was pretty much minding their business. She realises they were talking towards a small group of people at the left corner of the class.

She couldn't see who they were and how many because the two turned on their backs were pretty much blocking the view.

One of them turned around hearing them approach.

'Baby girl you're late' he exclaimed.

'Oh chocolate th-'

'EMILY!' She was interrupted by the second person who turned around and _wow_ it was JJ.

They were both shocked.

They talked and never once it crossed their minds that they might be the same age and in the same class.

'JJ!'

'Wait, you two know each other? But you've only been here like fine minutes' Penelope looked confused and _so did the chocolate th-something who called Penelope Baby Girl._

'Yeah' JJ was the first to speak 'A couple of night ago I was walking Olly and I bumped into her'

Emily was grateful she left out the part where she was crying without even knowing it.

'OMG THAT'S LIKE FATE!'

'Actually the chances they were going to meet were-'

'Yeah Spence, we don't care' JJ smiled at him and he shut up without protest.

'This is so exciting! Okay so, the chocolate thunder here is Derek Morgan, Genius Boy there is Spencer Reid and of course there's JJ which apparently you knew already. This is the amazing gang'

Penelope sounded as excited as she said she was and her friends made it very easy for Emily to feel comfortable around them and chat with them about stuff.

They asked her some things but even though it was clear they wanted to ask even more, Emily appreciated the fact that they decided not to.

Derek was making fun of Spencer when the teacher arrived so they all sat down and got ready for the lesson.

David Rossi, philosophy teacher, introduced Emily to the class and had the time of his life when he found out she arrived from Italy just a couple of days prior as that she spoke Italian fluently.

Even though it was everything Emily hoped to avoid, Mr Rossi, being as awesome as Penelope told her, didn't make it awkward or uncomfortable. It was the exact opposite in fact. For the first time Emily was actually happy about sharing that part of her life and she managed to have fun while doing so.

Once she was in her seat again Penelope leaned over 'I know, he's great. You're welcome. And OH it gets better! He's principal Strauss' husband'

'WHAT? You're serious?'

'Mhhhmhhhh' she nodded dramatically

'And they have the most amazing story. Basically they-'

'Penelope I don't think the Principal would like to know why I had to send you up there, am I right?'

 _Busted._

 _On the first day._

 _Great._

'No Mr. Rossi I'm sorry. I'll zip it'

'Awesome! Also because she isn't really into gossip and if the knew I told you guys the story she would actually divorce me' they laughed.

David Rossi was a man in love and wasn't scared to say it or talk about it.

He thought that it wasn't something to hide or be ashamed of and more importantly it was teenagers he was dealing with.

Not all of them had the best examples of love and integrity at home so he wanted to be sure they knew there was good out there and not only bad.

Happiness and not only pain.

So he shared his experience to let them all know that life was more than the reality they lived at home and it was important to him that they believed in love and knew it existed so they could hope and look for it.

That's why his class knew about his and Principal Strauss' relationship and also because that being open about it might save him from the gossips and rumors.

His wife didn't and when he was proven right he made sure to remind her every chance he god.

Her answer would always be en eye roll and a playful smack on the shoulder or the chest.

And he would always take her in his arms, smile lovingly and kiss her cheek.

Another amazing thing about David Rossi was his relationship with his students.

They didn't always have families to back them up or anyone they could really talk to so he made sure to be someone they could trust and go to if they needed help.

'Oh come on Mr Rossi! She's new, you have to tell her the story!' some guy said

'It's like a requirement to take this class' another one added.

'Okay okay, I get it. Your lazy butts don't want to have anything to do with lesson today so you're taking advantage of the situation to waste time. I'll tell the story' the guy the spoke first laughed and turned around to high five his friend and while doing so, their eyes met and Emily couldn't help but think that he had the most amazing blue eyes.

He stared at her for a moment longer than he should have and then turned back.

'But we're still going to talk about Arisotle later and you' he looked at the blue eyed boy 'Mr Doyle'

 _Doyle_ 'are definitely going to help me'

Apparently David Rossi and Erin Strauss met when they were just teenagers and he fell in love with her the moment he saw her even though 'she hated me with a passion'.

How could she hate him? Simple.

He was a womaniser and 'even though she definitely thought I was cute, because trust me, she did' she held back and rejected every attempt he made because he was, basically, a gerk.

After a huge declaration of love and another big, fat no from her, he decided it was time to move on.

'Being as handsome as I was hard' he jocked 'but that means that girls were always dancing around me' he said.

So when she saw him around those girls again and realised he had lost interest in her 'she was so jealous I swear no matter what you nut heads do, she'll never get as angry as she did when she saw Stacy Ferguson attached to me'.

Apparently she started dancing around him too, but kept denying it when asked and gave him the cold shoulder whenever he spoke to her.

'I was always civil and the fact that she was rude all the time told me she was jealous and actually wanted me back'

'But I couldn't just let her win' he had his fun for a while until she just lost it, got crazy and furious at him and told him 'I was a stupid blind jerk that needed to go to hell' and that she was done with him.

'So when she turned around to walk out of his life forever, I pulled her back and kissed her senseless'

At that point all the 'whoooos' started. The boys complimented him for the good job and the girls just smiled at the thought of a moment like that.

'But life sometimes just has different plans for us. College broke us up and didn't see each other for 20 years. We lived our lives and did our own things until we met at a high school reunion'

They both avoided the previous 19 ones like the plague but fate wanted them to attend the exact the same one after all those years for a reason.

'We reconnection and here we are, 30 years later'

 _That sure is a good story_ Emily though.

 _Like WOW! That is something you read in books or see in the movies._

 _It doesn't just happen like that._

 _It truly was fate._

'Okay, story time is over. Ian Doyle come up here and let's talk syllogisms'

Ian Doyle reluctantly got up but was actually glad he did the moment he realised he had a better view of the newbie.

 _Damn_ he thought.

She definitely was a girl to look at.

He didn't really hide the fact that he was staring at her and he probably didn't even do it on purpose but Emily, after reciprocating the looks for a while, felt the urge to look away.

JJ and Penelope shared a knowing look because Ian Doyle was definitely bad news but it's not like they could do anything about it especially because they barely know Emily and more importantly Emily barely knew them.

Still, it didn't stop them from making sure she would leave the class with them and not him.

JJ got one arm and Penelope got the other and together they took her away from Ian Doyle.

 _This is so weird_ Emily thought but still she didn't question it or stop it because after the bad days she had, it was definitely weird but also nice.

'Get used to them, they're crazy' Derek must have noticed the confused look on Emily's face but neither JJ or Penelope said anything because they were sure Derek hadn't noticed the looks Emily and Ian gave each other in class.

If he did, he would be on their side in a blink of an eye and he wouldn't say a word about it.

Whether she liked it or, as a metter of fact, knew it or not, Emily was part of their little gang now and nothing ever felt more normal and natural to the four friends before.

It was just like that.

Maybe fate?

Whatever it was, they were going to protect her from the trouble Ian Doyle could cause.


	3. Chapter 3

Emily Prentiss has always had mixed feelings about her birthday.  
When she was little she always got excited and mostly managed to have fun.  
During the day she would hope that her mother would show up and say that she was taking a day off just for her. It never once happened but still her mother made sure to make that day special for her in her own way.  
She would wake her up at midnight and bring her to the kitchen where Emily would find all kind of sweets and of course a cake.  
Her mother would sing her happy birthday and she would blow out the candle and then she would got as many bedtime stories were needed to fall asleep and there was nothing better than that.  
During the day, she would usually have a birthday party with her school friends but still she longed for her mother.  
It was always weird to see her friends' mothers on her birthday and not hers but she always managed to have fun.

Then she stopped having parties.  
Her mother got busier with work and birthday mostly became cupcakes on the bedside table and a note and then a pizza with the few friends she had in whichever part of the world she happened to be that time of the year.

All it took was one time.

She spent her 12th birthday all alone because they moved in just a couple days before her birthday so she didn't know anyone.  
Not even the people that worked at her house.  
So from that day, she stopped celebrating her birthday.

When she was asked about it she would simply say that she didn't like to make a big deal out it.

Sad.

But not as sad as being all alone.

Today was her birthday.  
She woke up and saw the usual cupcake with a note from her mother that she didn't even bother to read.  
It always said the same thing.

She usually wished her happy birthday and apologiezed for not being able to spent the most amazing day of her life with her.  
And then she said she loved her.

This year, though, it was weird.

Emily felt weird about it.

For the first time in forever she felt like she wanted to tell someone and do something.  
Not a huge thing like a party but something. Maybe a walk, a pizza and blow out a candle.

But at the same time she felt like if she did, she would let her friends too close and she would get too close to them and even if she felt like that was going to happen anyway at some point, she didn't want to do anything to help the process or speed it.

They were amazing, her friends. She was sure if they knew about it they would make this day special but in the most simple and meaningful way.  
She just couldn't.  
She would have loved to but she couldn't.

She got ready for the day and went to school with her best buddy Frank.

Once at school she didn't see her friends around so she decided to wait for them.  
She was getting a book out of her bag to do some catching up when she saw Ian Doyle.

Another dilemma of Emily's.

Her friends were worried she liked him. Which she didn't.  
She thought he had nice eyes but nothing more.  
But she had weird feeling about him and about how this whole story made feel her friends about her.

It was a mess and she knew it but it was like she liked worrying her friends.  
She knew Ian wasn't exactly the best guy around but the fact that her friends worried about her made her feel like she didn't want to lose that and if she stopped talking to him, they would stop and she didn't want that.

It was nice, having someone to worry for you.  
It was nice having someone to look out for you.

That's why she liked him.  
Because he made her friends interested and concerned about her and she didn't want to stop feeling like someone's priority.

It was wrong.  
She liked him for all the wrong reasons but she couldn't help it.

She even find him annoying sometimes but the fear of being left behind and being forgotten was stronger so she looked past it and enjoyed what was enjoyable of him because if she had to be honest, he wasn't all bad.

"Ehy there Luren" she heard him exclaim

"Why do you keep calling me Lauren if my name is Emily? Mistaking me for an ex?"

"Nha not really. It's just that you have a Lauren face"

"And not an Emily one?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I don't know, what I know is that you sure have a pretty face"

"And the award for the best lame catch phrase goes to you"

"Thank you, thank you" he took a bow and smiled.

"So, what are your plans for today?"

"Why? What's today?" _what if he knows,_ she thought to herself.

"Nothing. Just asking"

"Well, I've got no plans other than doing what I do everyday. Just a regular, boring day"

"I know how to turn a boring and regular day into an amazing one"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah"

"Would you be interested?"

"Should I? Are you as amazing as they say you are?"

"They say I'm amazing?"

"Yeah, and some more"

"What would they say more about me?"

"That you're trouble"

"Well, they're right about me"

"I like trouble" she said in a low tone.

"So that's a yes"

"A yes to what exactly?"

"To the best day of your life"

"Cocky much?"

"You like it"

"I might"

"You like me"

"I wouldn't push it if I were you"

He kissed her cheek "I'll let you know when and where" and then he left.

She sighed.  
He was going to hurt in some way, she knew it, but she couldn't help it.

"Ehy Princess!" Morgan arrived "Was that Ian Doyle?"

"Yeah"

Morgan looked at her and shook his head but didn't say anything.

"What?"

"Nothing"

"Come on just say it"

"Nothing. Really. I just think that maybe it's a bit soon no?"

"Are you saying I'm a slut?" she got up and she knew it that she was so close to losing it. She didn't even know why she was getting so angry. She knew it was not what he meant.  
But then again he didn't know her and she didn't know him.  
Maybe he really thought she was a slut and that she was an easy girl.

"Emily, come on, that's not what I was-"

"You know what? I don't even know why I'm getting so worked up about you. I don't know you and you certainly don't know me so excuse me, but I gotta go" she walked past him and left without adding anything more.

 _Damnit Emily_

"What have you done?" Penelope and Spencer arrived when Emily was now far but they had bits and pieces of what happened and they knew he had done something to upset her.  
They mostly knew from Emily's face and from how she was stomping her feet.  
She was clearly upset.

"Nothing I-"

"Derek don't you dare lie to me" Penelope pointed at him "What did you do?"

"I saw Ian kiss her cheek and I mentioned that it might be a little too soon and I now realise that I was an ass. Where's JJ?"

"She had soccer practice early in the morning and don't try to change subject. Why would you say that to her?"

"Why are you getting to mad at me? Why do you even care? I mean it's not like she's one of us. We don't even know who she is and what she wants"

"She wants nothing Derek!" Penelope couldn't believe it was her Morgan who was speaking those atrocious words.

"And you know what? I don't want to have anything to do with you either right now"

"Alone at last" Derek patted Spencer's shoulder.

"You shouldn't have said those things-"

"I know. I know Spencer, I know. I'll apologise to her. To both of them"

Spencer nodded and walked with Morgan.

Emily avoided all of them that day.  
JJ met her i the hallway and was surely surprised when she waved at her but went completely unnoticed.  
Emily literally walked past her ignoring her on purpose.

At lunch she didn't sit with them and ignored JJ's attempt to invite her over.

"Ok, what the hell is wrong with her?" dropped her trail on the table.

"Morgan told her she's a slut" Spencer summed it up pretty well. "WHAT?!" JJ excalimed.

"Look I didn't mean to it's just that this Ian Doyle thing is weird okay? She's only been here for what? A week? And he's all over her and that bastard always has a second meaning to his actions. He's not nice just like that. He wants something and she's-"

"She's what Derek?" JJ asked a bit irritated.

"She's the rich kid of a rich and powerful person. I just-" he didn't know it either. They've known her just as long as Ian had they've been all over her as well. The difference between the two situtations was clear to them but to Emily? She didn't know Ian, true, but she didn't know them either so it wasn't so easy to get her to trust them especially about this Doyle thing.

"We're trying to be her friends just as much as Ian is and while it looks different to us, I don't it does to her. Maybe we should just give her time"

"You're saying we give up on her and we let her get hurt by that jerk?" Penelope just couldn't believe what Spencer had just said.

"No I'm just saying that maybe if we let her breathe and give her time to adjust to everything and we don't try to force ourselves on her just to prevent her from getting close to Ian, she'll be the one to come to us"

"Why do we even care so much?" asked Derek. It wasn't criticizing or blaming them. He cared just as much. But he just couldn't understand why.

JJ gave him a sad smile and shrugged.

None of them knew.

Later, when she arrived at the car she saw Spencer waiting for her.

"Hi" he waved at her. Spencer was different. She just couldn't take it out on him. "Ehy Spencer"

"Look, I know we've been kind of all over you these past days and we forgot to think that maybe this is werid to you, not to mention overwhelming. I don't know if Derek spoke to you but he didn't mean it like that. He has a protective side that actually make things worse somethimes"

She smiled gently and nodded "I know. We spoke"

He returned the smile "I'm glad"

Emily started walking again but Spencer interrupted her again "I just wanted to say that we're trying to figure it out as well. Why we care so much and why we want you to be one of us so bad. We haven't found any answer yet. I guess we just like you and feel like you belong with us. But it's weird and we know it so just know that you have all the time to make up your mind and decide if you like us enough to forgive us"

She looked him in the eyes and wanted to cry all the tears she had.  
How was it possible?  
When did it happen? Why? How?

She wanted answers.

She wanted to know why she wanted them to care about her so much she was ready to make all the wrong choices.

She wanted to scream untill her throat bled.

"I'll see you around Emily" he turned to leave

"Spencer?" she said just above a whisper.

He stopped and turned back to her.

"Thank you" she tried not to break in front of him. He nodded and left. She turned around and walked to the car.

Once home she looked at the note Ian left in her locker.  
It said to meet him at the park at 6pm.

She wanted to go.  
She started thinking about her friends.  
She wanted to go more.

She thought about what Spencer said.

 _Time_

And suddenly, before she could even realise it, the choice was made.

She got up and went to shower to get ready to meet Ian Doyle. 


	4. Chapter 4

She was sitting on a random bench in the park and for the first couple of minute she thought he was not going to come, or maybe he was not going to be able to find her but then she actually laughed at herself. Ian Doyle probably knew the streets more than she did her own house so he was surely going to find her if he wanted.

And he wanted.

So she decided to relax and wait.

She looked around and smiled at the thought of fall.  
She liked fall.  
The colours and the feeling of it.  
Knowing the colder season was kicking in.  
She liked it.

She was deep in thoughts and got startled when he came out of nowhere and sat next to her.

"Jeez! You scared me" she brought her hand to her chest and felt her heart beat like crazy.

"Sorry pretty face" he chuckled.

"It's not funny. What's that?" she asked nodding at the bag in his hand.

"Just something I thought we needed" she looked skeptical and he smiled at that. Ian reached out fot the conted of the bag and soon after Emily saw a small cake in his had.

"What?! How did you-"

"Know it's your birthday? I've got my ways"

"Such as?"

"Sneaking into the Principal office?"

"You did that?"

"Newbie, you know nothing. I spend most of my time in there. Erin and I are basically best pals"

"But you still had to sneak in"

"It's not like she was going to let me read your file"

"YOU READ MY FILE?"

"Look, you were the new chick. I had to know something about you before I could unleash all my charm on you"

Emily shook her head "This was nice"

Ian nodded while putting a candle on the cake.

"Legend doesn't say you're nice"

"I can't have the legend spoil all my moves and surprises" he lit the candle and sang a really horrible version of Happy Birthday that made Emily smile and make fun of him during the whole ordeal.

She blew on the candle "Did you make a wish?"

"Yes and it already came true" they looked at each other and Ian didn't say anything "Don't flatter yourself tyger. I wished for my ears to stop bleeding and guess what? They stopped the moment you stopped singing"

"Has anyone ever told you that you're not funny at all?"

"The smile plastered on your face has actually"

He mocked her and they ate cake together.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked in a more serious tone while picking at the frosting.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm new around here and you're sneaking in the Principal's office to read my file and bringing me cake for my birthday. Why?"

"First of all, I would have read the file whoever it was that was arriving and second of all, maybe I'm doing it just because I like you Emily Prentiss"

She bit her lips "You don' want anything else?"

Ian sighed, he knew it was coming.

"Do you want something else?"  
Emily lowered her eyes and kept picking at the food in front of her.  
She gave him a small shrug "I don't know what I want"

He put his finger under her chin and scooted closer to her.  
Before Emily could register what was happening, he was kissing her.  
He wasn't aggressive but it was still the kind of kiss you can't sell as a small peck or something that innocent.

It was a kiss.

Nothing less, nothing more.

"Ian-"

"It's nothing more than it is. And it doens't have to be anything more"

She felt herself get angry.  
Why did he kiss him?  
Why did he want her?  
Why was he being nice to her just to get in her pants when he could have had any girl he wanted?

Why her?

"What do you want from me?"

"I told you"

"Oh so you want to fuck me whenever you want and say that I knew since day one that you weren't going to buy me flowers and take me out if I tried to ask more from you?"

"Keep it cool"

"Why?" her tone was lower but definitely angry.

"WHY?"

"Because you're hot ok? You're hot and I thought we could have fun but you're crazy and I'm not sure I want to have to deal with this anymore"

"So let me get it straight. You did all of this just so you could brag around about fucking the new girl?"

"It's not about bragging"

"Then what is it about?"

"I don't know. I just don't know. I told you, you're hot and I thought I'd try"

"I'm starting to get why the legend doesn't say you're nice" she took a small pause "It's because you aren't"

She angrily got up and left.

Once in her bed, she started playing with her pendat and she couldn't help the few tears that left her eyes.

This was such a mess.

She wanted to talk with JJ and Penelope.  
With Spencer and Derek.

She wanted to beg them to forgive them.  
To tell them she was a mess and apologise for being totally fucked up.

She wanted to bitch about Ian for thinking it was so easy to get in her pants.

But then she remembered Rome.

Maybe it was really that easy to get in her pants.

Maybe Derek was right.

She felt like vomiting and soon she realised it was really going to happen so she rushed to her bathroom and emptied her stomach.  
She couldn't believe this happened.  
She couldn't believe she was okay with sleeping with guys just to feel something.

She was seventeen for fuck's sake.

What was wrong with her? Why was she like that? Why couldn't she be a normal kid?.

She desperatly wanted someone to talk to but she couldn't.  
She would have loved to knock on JJ's door and sob untill all these heavy weights were off her chest but she couldn't.

She vomited more when she realised that even if she was literally disgusted by Ian Doyle right now, she would still choose him over the amazing people she had out there.

Why?  
Simple.  
Because she didn't care about it.  
If she didn't care about him as a friend and even a human being, she couldn't get hurt.

She couldn't believe she would something she despised so much just to protect herself from loving and getting hurt.  
She knew she wasn't crying because Ian disappointed her.  
She knew she wasn't crying because she thought he was going to be nice to her just for the sake of being nice.  
She knew she wasn't crying because he was a jerk.

She didn't care about him.

She was crying because she was disgusted by herself.  
She was crying because she was confused.  
She was crying becayse she had no idea what was wrong with her.  
She was crying because she was tired of feeling like shit all the time.  
She was tired of the tears.  
Of the pain.  
She was tired of not having a single stable thing in her life.  
She was tired of the mess she felt inside of her.  
Of the anger.

She was tired of the anger.

The anger that was eating her alive and pushed her to do things she never thought she would. The anger that was turning her into someone she didn't want to be.

She was tired of the fear.

Of not being enough.  
Of feeling even more pain.

She was scared the moment the let her walls down, everything would fall apart.

She was scared of having to leave.

And it was holding her back on everything.

On having fun.  
On living her life.  
On being happy.  
On having friends.  
On smiling more.  
On laughing more.  
On crying out of joy.  
On falling in love.

 _Falling in love_

She felt the tears burn her eyes.  
She hated crying.

But she had no control on her body anymore. She let it all go. No one was there, she could let those walls down and just be.

Be herself, whoever it was.  
Be the mess she desperatly tried to hide from everyone.  
Be the human she didn't want to admit she was.

She felt her stomach turn and twist. The knot in it tightening leaving her out of breath.  
She curled up in a ball and sobbed until her eyes closed and the storm inside of her quitened down to let her sleep.

* * *

The morning after she woke up and it took a while for her to register where she was.

In her bathroom.  
On the floor.

She didn't remember falling asleep and for a while she didn't remember what had happened.  
She rubbed her eyes and everything started coming back in flashes.

Ian.  
The cake.  
The fight.  
The anger.  
The tears.

And then, she guessed, sleep.

She checked her watch and realised she was late for school.  
She reluctantly got off the floor and washed her face.  
She let the water clear the day before out.

She decided to skip first period so she took her time, mostly because she really did not have she strenght to rush.

Once dressed, she looked at herself in the mirror.  
For long seconds.  
She didn't know how long she stared at her reflection.  
Minutes probably.  
Endless minutes.

Suddenly, she took a deep breath and in that moment she knew she had it all under control.  
Yesterday was a distand memory in the back of her brain.  
It barely belonged to her anymore.

She knew it because the moment she took that deep breath, she actually felt like she stopped breathing.

So she knew that she had put her mask back on.  
And that's what she needed before getting out.

Not breathing was fine.  
Not breathing was better.

Not breathing was the only thing that worked.

"I'm sorry Frank, I slept in" she murmured when she realised she forgot about Frank that had been waiting for her for god know how long.

"Don't worry about it"

And silently he drove her to school.

For the first time since she had arrived she was totally out of it.  
She didn't hear a word any teacher said.  
She didn't speak to any of the friends she knew were watching over her trying to figure out what was wrong with her.  
She skipped lunch.  
She pushed through the day and avoided Ian Doyle.

Once in a while she would see Penelope and every single time she felt like crying.  
It was clear the girl wanted to get closer and talk to her.  
Maybe even ask her how she was doing.

But she had scared everyone away. She had pushed them away even if they didn't deserve it because she didn't know how to deal with pain and loss.

She felt sorry for her and frustrated with herself for being the way she was.  
For not being able to do better.

When she passed by her, though, she gave her a sweet, genuine, smile that even reah her eyes, but still made Penelope feel better.

It was like telling her that she was still there.  
That she hand't cut them off completely.  
That maybe, with time, things would get easier.

It was like thanking her for giving her the space the didn't really ask for but still got with anger and rejection.

Penelope lit up the moment she saw Emily aknowledge her and returned the smile.

It was Penelope's smile that reached Emily's eyes and she felt a little better.

Penelope didn't need words to help people.  
All it took was a smile, or the single attempt to keep an eye on you while trying and failing to remain in the hide.

And then Emily did what she did best.  
She ran.

* * *

"I came to your room last night"

Emily panicked

"You weren't there"

She thought she might actually pass out

"Did you have fun?"

 _What?_

"I'm sorry?" she was confused.

"With your firends. Didn't you go out to celebrate?"

"Oh! Yeah sorry! I did. Lots of fun" she played it cool.

"I'm glad you're adjusting well"

"Same, everyone's great. It was easy" she lied "And I've definitely had worse" she lied more.

It wasn't easy at all.  
She never had worse than this.

This sucked with flying colours.

Never once in her life she felt as bad as she did.

She held her pendant in her hand while thinking and closed her eyes to ground herself and not burst into tears in front of her mother at dinner for the first time in forever.

"How's school?" she asked.

"It's fine. I like it. Especially philosophy" she smiled at the thought of the lessons and loosened her grip on the pendant until she let it go completely.

"So I guess I'll nothing but good things when I'll go to the meetings"

"You'll actually go?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. Something usually comes up so you end up asking them to email you everything you need"

"Honey, I should be able to go"

"Kay" she picked at her food.

"You don't like it?" she asked

"Not that I don't like how Josh cooks it's just that it's not the same" she referred to the italian food she missed so much.

Elizabeth smiled sadly at her daughter "You'll get used to it"

"We'll probably leave before I actually can but it's fine" she murmured.

She thought her mother didn't hear but the sigh that left her lips told her she did.

"May I be excused?"

"Emily, you barely ate"

"I had a snack before you came" it was true.

One more sigh and then a nod.

Emily picked her plate, put it in the sink and then ran to her room.  
It was barely eight but she decided it was time to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

A week went by since her birthday and she found herself totally alone.She wasn't really hearing from her friends and she hadn't spoken to Ian.She was isolating herself and she felt herself going mad.

And she didn't like it.It was time for her to make a choice.

And of course it would be the wrong one.But at least it was something.At least it was easy.

"Ehy" she said as soon as Ian closed his locker "What?"

"Wanna hang out?"

He didn't look at her and started walking away but still he responded.She followed.

"So you can go all crazy on me? No thanks"

"I didn't-" she did "I won't go crazy on you"

He stopped "And what would you want to do? Be taken to the restaurant and look at the stars?"

"Stop being an ass"

"Whatever Princess"

"Don't call me that" Only Derek could.

He sighed.

"Look-"

"I don't want to go the restaurant and I don't want to look at the stars. I just want to hang out. We can do whatever"

Ian looked at her.For long moments.

 _Jeez, do I really sound so desperate as I feel?_

"Kay Prin-"

"Don't"

"Fine" he sighed

She nodded and let go a breath she didn't realise she was holding "My mom's out of town for a couple of days. We can hang out at my place"

He raised an eyebrow "Yeah?"

"Yeah. See you later"

"I don't even know where you live" he said while she walked away.

"I thought you had your ways to find out things"

He couldn't believe her.But still he chuckled.

She definitely was something else.No one exactly knew what.But definitely something else.

He couldn't belive that he was going to sneak in the Principal's office for the second time for her.Never happened before. _Never happening again,_ he thought.

He waited for Erin Strauss to leave.She locked the door behind her and he waited for the perfect moment to pick the lock and get inside.

He found her file easily since it was in the same place it was the first time and scanned it untill he found her address. _Gotcha_ he thought.Put it right back where it was and left, leaving the door slightly open.

He waited for the cleaning guy to see the open door "She must have forgotten to lock it" he mumbled and closed it.

 _So easy_

He was now free to go.

* * *

Emily was eating a snack when she heard a knock on the door.

She opened and found Ian standing with a cheeky expression on his face, his leather jacked and the hands in his jeans pockets.

"You found me" she said

"It's easier than you think"

"Whatever. Come inside"

"Wow Richie Rich, I didn't know you lived in a castle" he said looking around himself.

She rolled her eyes "Ehy I'm not judging" he raised up his arms in surrender.

She didn't say anything but just stared at him for some time.It was like she was deciding on what to do or what to say and eventually she just told him to follow her.

He followed into the richest living room he had ever seen.Ian sat down while Emily went to a cabinet and he saw her pull out some really expensive bottles of really expensive liquor.

"What are you doing?" it's not like he was complaining but he was confused.

"You wanted easy, I'm giving you easy" she brought over two bottles in one hand and two glasses in the other.

"You're crazy" he said when she handed him the glass filled with what he thoght was tequila.

"I'm trouble" she corected with a wicked smile.

He took a small sip and returned the smile "I like trouble" he murmured.

"Mmmhmmh" she drank from her glass but never once took her eys off of him and never once he took his eyes off of her.

"Come closer" she whispered and he did.

Ian was starting to have an idea of why he was there but he decided to let her lead this because he wasn't sure of anything in that moment.The only thing he knew was that she was definitely hot and he liked what she was doing.

He did what he was asked and she eyed him biting her lip.

"What? You're afraid?" she chuckled "Closer"

"You do realise that if I come closer I'm basically in your lap?"

"You do realise that maybe, just maybe, that's what I want?" she crawaled over him and sat in his lap.He put his hands on her hips.

Lost.

That's what he thought when he looked at her in the eyes.

But she was rolling her hips on him and he really didn't care about the reason behind of it all.

She was nipping at his jaw and he forgot about her eyes.

She brought his hands on his shoulders, her fingers brushing on his neck were giving him chills.

She licked her lips and then kissed his.For a moment he didnt register what was happening and he couldn't understand why he wasn't doing anything.

He had wanted her since the moment he saw so _screw it_ he thought.

He deepened the kiss and she smiled victorious because _finally._

He flipped them over and laid her on the couch.He assoulted her mouth and then kissed her jaw and throat while undoing the buttons of her shirt.

She moaned and he lost it completely.

They didn't waste time and went straight to the point.

She undid his yeans.He took care of hers.

They didn't even undress completely.It wasn't a love making session.

It was not about love.

It was a about loneliness and emptyness.

That they had in common.That was their link.Thay was the base of their relationship.

She hated to admit it, but Ian Doyle and her had more things in common than she initially thought.

"Wait wait wait!" she screamed and he jumped off her "What?"

"Condom" she breathed out.

His eyes widened _shit_ he thought. How could he forgot about that? He certainly didn't want sticky kids running around him.

In a fraction of second he pulled it out of his wallet and put it on and in a blink of an eye he was at her again.

He slipped inside of her and for a split second she felt like she couldn't breathe anymore. It hurt more than she had expected. It wasn't her first time so it was nothing she couldn't handle but she expected literally no pain.

She probably wasn't ready yet but screw it.The pain was gone and she was definitely ready now.He was thrusting in and out of her vigorousely and just for a while she felt good.He panted.She moaned.He came.She followed.

Without any words they fixed their clothes. He looked at her with condom in hand "Where do I put this?"She breathed heavily and looked at him.She then got up, picked the tequila and told him to follow him.

He walked with her through the huge house until she entered what he figured was her room.Emily pointed at a door and he walked through it just to enter in the biggest and fanciest bathroom he had ever seen.

"I think the Queen of England would be jealous of your toilet" he said while walking back into the room where he found her lighing up a cigarette.

She chuckled at the joke.She felt lighter but also heavier.She felt confused and angry.She felt like she needed to relax and let it all go.

She smoked the cigarette untill Ian walked up to her and took it from her hand "Ehy!" he took it to his lips and stared at her. She frowned "What?"

"You're hot" he said

"You fucked me already, no need to work your way to my pants through compliments. Even though I'm not sure yours could be classifed as complim-"He put the cigarette down and pulled her to him to kiss her.

It was a different kiss from the others.If sex was a kiss it would be that kiss.

It was loud and clear to her that it had nothing of romantic and sweet. It was passionate in an erotic way, no sentiments to pour into it.

 _Good_ she thoughts.Feelings were not what she wanted.

She was empty and she wanted to be filled with easy things.She wanted to let the thoughts and the complex things of life out of herself and Ian Doyle was the biggest mistake she could make but also the best way to avoid thinking and feeling.

He walked her up to the bed until the back of her knees hit the bed and then he pushed her on it. He was above her and was bringing her body back to life.She rolled over him and he chuckled when she made it clear that she was going to be on top this time.

"Okay" he whispered "Yeah, I like it" he said referring to the fact that she was controling.He definitely like what she was doing until she stopped abruptly and jumped off him.

"Why'd you stop?"

"Unless you've got a whole package of condoms in your wallet, I'm not getting near you"

"Oh come on. I could pull out"

"Don't you even try"

He sighed and tried alluring her with sexy kisses and brave touches "It's not going to work"

He stopped and got up.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna get the damn condoms"

She was surprised. She expected him to leave but she certainly didn't think he was going all the way to wherever he could find them and then come back.

"Really? I'm that good?" she chuckled.

"I told you you were hot" he slapped her butt and left.

And that's how her night went.

"You need to leave" they were laying in her bed and he really needed to get out of there.

"I know" he said getting up.

"Ian-" she didn't even know what to say

"I was going to leave anyway. You're not kicking me out"

She nodded but she still didn't feel better.

"I don't really feel comfortable with the idea of you leaving my house this late"

"It's not as late as you think. I've done worse, trust me. Plus, I think you'd feel even less comfortable if I slept in you bed"

She chuckled "You could sleep in a guestroom?"

"Princess, I'm gonna be fine" he said putting his shoes on.She nodded and watched him walk to the door.

"Ian?"

"What?" he turned around

"Don't call me that" she whispered.

He smied. At least she thought it was a smile. It was more like a grin or something.

After a moment of silence he took the the pack of condoms that was on the floor, shook it a little and threw it at her "You keep these. We might need them again" he winked and left.

She sighed.

It was all wrong.Every single thing she has done since the moment she spoke to him again.

She did again.She always did it.

She liked to think she wasn't so easy and she didn't give in so soon and so easily.But it was just so damn hard.

It wasn't the kind of attention she longed.

She wanted to be loved and cherished.She wanted to be worshipped.

But everything she wanted was everything the feared and everything she was running from.

Ian Doyle was something.Sleeping with Ian Doyle was the cheap version of what she really wanted and needed and it was the only thing she felt she could deal with.

It was not what she wanted.But it was the only thing she would allow herself to have.

It gave her something.And right now, it was enought.

Something was better than nothing.Anything.

She was only seventeen.But she felt dry inside.Empty.She felt like everything she wanted was just in front of her but it would all disappear if only she reached out with a single finger to try to barely touch it.

It sucked.Everything.But it was okay with it.

Because anything else would end up with hear breaking for good.

This.Whatever it was.This was keeping her standing.

She held her secret tight in her hand and fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

"WE ABANDONED HER!" Penelope was upset.  
They were at JJ's house for a group project and they had the best intentions when they started but eventually they just got distracted and decided it was useless to try to pretend they were actually goint to study.

They gave in and started playing around. It was always fun when they needed to study but never did.  
It was fun in the beginning. It was all laughter and jokes but then the conversation shifted and they started arguing about the Emily Prentiss issue.

"Penelope she's her own person that makes her own choices" JJ tried to reason even if she was also sad about it.

"Wrong choices" she pin pointed.

"Says who?" Derek had been silent about since that moment "I mean, we think she made the wrong choice but who are we to judge? If that's what she want maybe it's right for her"

Spencer nodded "I mean, she has her own life and her own mind. Just because we liked it doesn't mean we're entitled to tell her what to do and what not to do and more importantly, we're not entitled at all to judge her decisions and act upon our perspective. She made a choice and we, as people that care about her but have literally nothing to do with her, need to respect that"

"Ehy, what's with all the commotion?" JJ's brother chimed in.  
They sighed.

"O my god!" JJ excailmed "When did you get here?" She ran to hug her brother.

"Literally five minutes ago and I couldn't help but be curious when I heard PG that you abandoned someone" he walked in the room and sat with them.

"So, fill me in"

"This girl just moved in like not even a month ago. And I was her tutor and I absolutely loved her so I introduced her to the guys and we were fine but she's a bit weird and she rejected us and picked Ian Doyle over-"

"You left the part where Morgan said she's a slut"

"I LEFT IT OUT BECAUSE MY BRAIN STILL CAN'T BELIEVE HE DID" she barked at Derek.

"You told her she's a slut?"

"I might have said something like that"

"He said that it was too soon for Ian Doyle to kiss her cheek because she only moved in a couple of weeks before. I was there" Spencer clarified.

"I was just trying to tell her to be careful"

"Then you should have said "Be careful" and not what you said" Penelope was just so mad at him.

"OKay guys wait I'm a little confused. Let me see if I got it right.  
Girls moves in.  
You like her.  
Bad boy likes her.  
You overwhelm her and uhm- kind of insult her  
She picks bad boy over you. Am ai right"

"Absolutely sir" Penelope gave him a big nod.

"Oh I miss high school" the 21 year old chuckled.

JJ threw a pillow at him "Aaron shut it. Be serious"

His chuckles turned into a real laugh when the pillow hit his face "Okay okay, I get it" he put down the pillow and looked at them all "Guys, you kinda have to let it go"

"What?"

"I mean, it's not like she's yours. She doesn't want to have anything to do with you. Deal with it, leave her alone and live your life"

"But Ian is a jjjjjeeeeerrkk"

"What she said" they all pointed at Penelope.

"So what?"

"What do you mean?"

"If she wants to be with the jerk let her be with the jerk. Are you going to lose your mind every time he puts his eyes on a girl?"

"We don't like just any girl. We like Emily" JJ tried to reason with her older brother.

"Look guys, I obviously don't know this Emily girl but I'm pretty sure she knows what she's doing and you can't in any way argue with that because you're literally no one to her"

"Wow, straight to the point I see" JJ shot him a glare.

"Don't look at me like that because you know it too. You're not her parents or siblings or anyone that gets a say in her life. Leave her alone and if this Ian Doyle guy really is the jerk you say he is, she might realise it sooner or later. If she's okay with that she's gonna be fine because she chooses to stay with him even though she crearly know he's a jerk. If he's not okay she might need someone to lean on but she's still the one who's going to decide if she wants your help or not. Of course in that case, you'd have to decide too. I mean, it's up to you at that point to decide if you want to be there for her after she's ignored you"

They all sighed and knew Aaron was right.  
He looked at them and saw that they were visibly upset. He put his arm around his little sister and kissed her head "It's fine guys. She'll be fine"

"It's just that he sucks so bad" JJ said in his shoulder.

He chuckled "Okay" he got up "Come on guys, let's get you all out of here"

"What?"

Aaron looked at his watch. It was almost dinner time "Let's go brag something to eat. It's on me" he walked out the door and they all followed him.

* * *

"So, Hotch, how's that pretty girlfriend of yours?"

Hotchner was Aaron's last name. His father married JJ's mother whan JJ was only two years old after they both divorced.

"She's great but she stayed at the campus. I only came here for a couple of days" JJ faked gagging at the mentioning of her brother's girlfriend.

"JJ stop it"

"I can't help it if I don't like her"

"Which I still don't understand the reason why"

"She's a mean bitch"

"I'm not having this argument with you right now"

"Yeah guys, don't fight please. We have enough drama in our lives as it is" Penelope held her head in her hands. Aaron gave JJ's shoulder a playful bump and they smiled jokingly at each other.

"How's school? What was the project you totally did not work on?"

"Science stuff. We don't even know it"

"Actually-" but of course Spencer was immediatly cut off.

They were chatting and eating when Emily got in the diner.

Luckily she was alone.

She smiled at them and they invited her over. There was nothing wrong with that right? They were not trying to control her or buy her love. They were just being polite.

"Uhm- I'm actually here to pick up dinner. My mom just got back and i felt like going out some fresh air so I offered to pick dinner up instead of ordering in"

"Oh, well. Maybe another time" Penelope smiled

"Oh Emily! This is my brother, Aaron" JJ introduced them when he realised her brother was staring at her and not saying anything and when she saw that Emily looked more awkward than ever.

"Hi, nice to meet you" she shook his hand and politely excused herself.

They kept it quite until she was out of the diner.  
"So, that's famous Emily" Aaron broke the silence.

"Yeah"

"She's pretty" JJ hit his arm "What?What did I say?". Derek laughed.

"You guys are all the same"

"You're saying I'm like Ian Doyle because he said she's pretty too?"

"I'm not-Duh, nevermind" how was she going to explain her dumb brother that it was really inappropriate of him to comment on her beauty after all they told him about her and all the trouble they were going through because of this weird situation they found themselves wrappen into.

Apparently, though, she and Penelope were the only ones to mind. Derek simply thought it was nothing too bad and Spencer...well Spencer surely had a Spencery thought about it that he wouldn't share.

* * *

"Ehy, what's wrong?" panted Ian while pushing into her and not really getting any reaction from her. It was like she was doing it on his own. She didn't register what he said and only realised he'd been calling her when he stopped.

"What?Why'd you stop?" she asked "You tell me. Look if you don't wanto to do it-"

"No, I want to" she said bringing him back to her "I'm fine" she said in a whisper and asked him to take up where he left off.

Seeing them distracted her and meeting JJ's brother was weird but she couldn't quite understand why.  
He was handsome, that was sure.  
But she didn't really know how to feel about him.

Then again, why would she care?

She shook the thought off and focused on Ian and what they were doing.  
When she felt her walls come down, she felt another piece of herself leave her.

It was destroying her but she couldn't stop her.  
She wanted it because she needed it.  
But needing it was tearing her apart.

For the first time in forever, Emily didn't know what to do.  
She had no idea actually.

So she did the only thing she knew how to do.  
The ran and fucked Ian Doyle all over again.


	7. Chapter 7

December 19th

She opened her eyes and never thought a person could start crying so soon after waking up but she proved herself it was damn possible.

She wiped her tears and brought her right hand to the base of her neck. She stroked the small pendant she had attached to a silver necklace and closed her eyes, took a deep breath and traced its edges.

It was a silver sagittarius with the point of the arrow in zircon.

It was small and simple but it meant the world to her. She let her tears fall and then she sat up on the bed to slowly take it off and put it in her jewelry box.

It was the first time ever she took it off but it was too heavy today and taking it off made her feel lighter even if it formed a knot in her stomach. She pushed the thought aside and inhaled deeply to control herself.

She didn't know how she was supposed to feel. It was weird and she just wanted to get it over with. It was not like she was going to be happy and joyful but today was just harder than the others.

She looked at the jewelry box.

She really felt like she was wrestling with something bigger than her and like she couldn't take it anymore. Maybe she should stop fighting and just let things happen.  
She hated feeling like that. She hated not wanting to feel. She hated having to hide things. She hated lying and most importantly she hated Ian.  
The more time she spent with him, the worse she felt about spending time with him.

She was having sex with a guy she didn't care about and that didn't care about her. It was becoming more painful every time and she had no idea how to stop it.

So, her reaction to this was of course anger to herself because it was killing her but she was the one that didn't want to stop it because she was too scared that if she did she would fall apart and have no one to catch her and put the pieces together.

She had been horrible to her friends because of her own fears and she didn't deserve them. They deserved better.

And December 19th just made everything ten times , she found the strenght to get up and go to school.

Everyone was excited about the Christmast dance they were going to have that night. Ian even asked if she wanted to go.

"I thought you didn't do this" she said.

"I don't but I don't know, I thought you wanted to go"

"I don't want to go" she smiled because that time, that only single time, he was being nice just to be nice. There couldn't be any other reason behind it because she was already sleeping with him so he just wanted to do something nice for her.

"Thanks for asking tho" she smiled.

He didn't say anything.

So of course, she wasn't going to go. She had no intention of getting squeezed in a puffy dress just to pretend the whole night that she was having fun when really she just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

Any other day, she would have done it because she knew she had sporadic and unexplainable moments of true happiness so there was always a chance it could happend during an event like that. Plus there was alwasy alcohol even if it wasn't allowed so it could only mean higher chances to have fun.

But not on that day.  
Not on December 19th.

That day she didn't want to fake smiles and be happy for the holidays her mother was going to spend working.

She just didn't want to.

So that day a school, she went, faced it and then got out.

Frank was ever the gentle man and didn't ask anything about her it was probably because he was her mother's employee and it wasn't his place to ask questions.

When she went back home of course her mother wasn't there. There was only a note saying that she was working late.

 _Of course_

She threw it in the trash and locked herself in her pulled out her necklace and stared at it. She could only hold it for a couple of minutes, then she started feeling like the material was burning her.  
She felt like it was looking and laughing at her. Blaming her and shaming her.

She felt tears burn in her eyes and even though she tried to swollow them, they still fell freely and marked her cheeks.  
She put it back in the box and got in bed, under the heavy duvet.

She wiped her tears and stared at the cieling.

In that moment she realised she was wasn't thinking about anything.

She could do nothing.

Only stare at the ceiling above and at some point she realised her ears had blocked out every noise.

They only thing she could ear was the ticking of the clock on her bedside table.

Nothing else.

And then her vision went black.

She woke up, according to her watch, four hours later to the ringing of the door bell.  
She reluctantly got out of bed "I'm coming" she yelled on the stairs.

When she opened the door she was surprised to see Ian "What are you doing here?"

"I thought we could hang out"

"I'm not in the mood"

"Not hang out like that"

"Please, like I could ever believe you"

"Are you letting me in or not?"

She sighd and pushed the door aside. _You're so stupid_ she told herself.

She offered him a drink and they ordered pizza.

They were both kind of awkward because they never did hang out.

They would talk sometimes but never only more importantly it was never personal.

"Where's your mother anyway?" she looked at him surprised by the question.

"What? Can't you fuck buddy ask you why you're always alone?"

"If you're just a fuck buddy it means that you can't"

"Come on"

"She's at work"

"All the time?"

"Looks like that"

He nodded.

They were watching tv but none of them was really paying attention. For two completely different reasons.

"Can we skip to the part where we're in your bed doing it like bunnies?"

"What part of "I'm not in the mood" your brain didn't register?"

"Oh come on, you're never not in the mood"

"What? How would you know that?"

"Because you never said you weren't in the mood before. I thought it was a foreplay thing or something"

"Are you serious right now?"

"Come on stop it and come here" he said getting closer to her and kissing her tried to pull away but he was holding her.

"Ian stop. Get off me"

He traced to side of her breast and put his hand in her pants.

"Ian please" she begged in a whisper.

"Tell me what you want" he kissed her jaw and nipped at her neck.

She couldn't say anything. The only thing that came out of her mouth was a moan in the exact moment he put a finger inside of her.

"Ian-"

"Shhh, just enjoy it" and then her voice mind went elsewhere.  
She let him touch her.  
Becasue she needed him.  
She needed him to push the thoughts and the feelings aside.  
But it wrong.  
Still, she let him.

What she didn't know was that this time was going to be different for her. It was going to mean something and make her realise something.  
She needed him like air but it was breaking her.  
Destroying her.

December 19th made her open her eyes.

Once they were finished he was fixing his pants when she got up "Ian, you need to leave"

"What?"

"I can't. I just can't. Please leave" she felt like a mess.  
She didn't want him.  
But the fear of losing him paralised her and made her want him and never let go.  
She was confused.  
Why was she like this?  
Why was she addicted to something that was destroying her?

"Please. Please"

She needed him out of there because she had to cry. And probably scream and she had to let herself fall apart because it was sick. It was twisted and it wasn't right.  
Needing him to that point even when she knew without any doubt that she didn't want him was the breaking point.

When he left, she fell there was no one there to catch her.  
Just like she feared.  
She gave in to the fear.

She stared at the door for a while before she wiped her tears and put a jacket walked as fast as her legs let her until she didn't recognise the place.

That was the place where she met her. She only needed to find her so walked reading every name on the mail boxes and soon she found the house.

She wiped her tears, once again and knocked on the door.

It was Aaron that answered.

"Emily! Hi, what are you doing here?"

"Hi, I'm sorry, I know it's late but-" her voice cracked a little "Is JJ inside?"

He frowned the moment he realised the girl in front of him was barely holding it together.

"No, she's at the school dance. Are you okay?" he stepped outside and put his hand on her arm.

"Crap, the dance" she looked up to prevent the tears from falling. She put her hands on her hips and then lowered her head "I forgot about the damn dance" murmured in a broken whisper. She then inhaled deeply and started nodding her head, almost like trying to convince herself of something "Okay, okay. Uhm, sorry. I'll go. I'll-Uhm, could you tell her I came by? Okay, thanks, bye" she turned around and walked away. The moment she wasn't facing him anymore, she let the tears fall because she felt like she would implode if she didn't.

"Emily wait" she ignored him so he sprinted towards her and took her by the arms to stop her "Wait, what's wrong?"

She couldn't speak. She shook her head and started hyperventilating.

"Okay, okay. Calm down. You need to take deep breaths. Deep breaths" he was desperatly trying to ground her and let her know that she was safe.

"You're okay. Just breathe"

It took a while but she actually calmed down. When her breath evened out, he put his hand on her shoulder and led her inside "Let's get inside and maybe we can wait for JJ together"

She nodded and didn't even try to hide the tears.

He sat her down on the couch and gave her a blanket that she wrapped around herself.

"Do you like chamomile tea?" she gave him a small and weak nod and then after a couple of minutes he came back, handed her the tea and sat next to her.

"Where are your parents?"

"They're chaperoning the dance"

She nodded once again.

They sat in silence until he saw that she was getting uncomfortable. He saw it in her eyes and in her body language that she was getting back wherever she was when she arrived so he had had to think quickly "You know, JJ is actually my stepsister"

She turned to look at him "Really?" she tried to calm herself down and the talking helped.

"Yeah. My mother died when I was really young and her parents divorced soon after she was born. They met when JJ was two years old and I was six. And just like that, I had a mother again and also a little sister"

Emily smiled "I didn't like her much when we were little but then she grew on me and I did the same"

"Typical siblings story, right?" she sipped her tea.

Aaron smiled sadly and nodded "Yeah. Do you have any?"

"No. I'm an only child"

"How is it?"

"It must be cool for the ones that have two parents to take care of them and only them. No other care in the world. For me, it pretty much sucks. My father left when I was little and my mother has always put work first so I'm on my own most of the time"

"You wished you had a brother or a sister?"

"To be honest, I never really thought about it but I guess I would never want anyone to feel like I do so my answer would be no. I don't wish I had any siblings"

And just like that she started talking about herserlf, which she never did before. But it was easy now. Maybe it was Aaron who, for some reason, made it easy or maybe it was because she had hit rock bottom. Whatever it was, she was telling her story and she never thought she would see this day. Things were coming off her chest and sometimes he would even throw a joke in that made her smile and she couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe it was happening.

She was letting someone in and it could only mean that she had nothing more to lose.

He stayed with her and soon she fell fell asleep to his deep, low and relaxing feel asleep to his soft and beautiful eyes.

She fell asleep and for the first time it wasn't to escape from something.

Once he was sure she wouldn't wake up, he gently laid her on the couch and took the cup out of her hand, he fixed the blanket and went to put the cup in the sink.  
He made sure there was enough coffee in the pot because he knew JJ was going to need it for the long night she had ahead of herself and he wanted to stay awake too in case they needed anything.

He sat down at the kitchen table and realised that the evening's events really had a tool on him.  
He couldn't shake Emily's lost eyes off his mind.  
They way she was battling herself to hold it together when it was clear she just wanted to break down.  
They way her lip quivered while talking.

Her broken voice.

 _What the hell happened to her?_

He didn't know her so he had no idea what could have reduced her to pieces like that. Plus, he knew she and his sister weren't really talking anymore so if she was there, it was because the had no other option and because she probably had no one else.

He thought about the Ian Doyle thing. Maybe he had showed himself for what his sister and her friends said he was. Maybe she realised they were right all along and wanted a friend to talk to.

Aaron was close.  
He was definility close to the truth but he didn't know Emily and, more importantly, he didn't know Ian so he couldn't know what she went through and what Ian could have done to hurt her so much.

Also, he thought he was just an asshole to girls, he couldn't have imagined that he was the kind of asshole that doesn't take a no for an answer.

He sighed and told himself to stop thinking about it.  
It wasn't his place to guess what happend to the poor girl.

He only had to make sure she was safe and he did.  
He was going to wait for his sister to come back and then he would go and leave them alone to deal with whatever happened.

He didn't know how long he stayed sitting there and staring at the wall. And he must have got lost in his own thoughts because he didn't hear his sister come in.  
He only realised she was there when she spoke to him.

"Why is Emily Prentiss sleeping on our couch?"

"JJ!" he exclaimed and got up "When did you come back?"

"Uhm, like five seconds ago. So?"

"I think you need to talk to her. I have no idea what happened. She came here looking for you and she looked like she was about to hava breakdown or something. She was going to go back home but I told her to come in, she drank some tea and then I kept her company until she fell asleep and from what I saw I can say that she had one hell of a night"

JJ frowned.  
She knew this day would come. She knew it and she wished she was wrong. She really hoped things would work out for Emily but from what her brother told her, they didn't and she wished so bad she was wrong.

"Coffee?" Aaron offered. JJ sighed and nodded.

"Do you think I should wake her up or wait for tomorrow?"

"She wanted to talk to you and since you don't really talk, it must be really bad so I think you should wake her and see what happened"

JJ took a deep breath.  
She didn't know if she was ready for this. She knew bits and pieces of Emily's life but she was pretty sure she had more demonds than she let on and she wasn't sure she was ready to find them out.

She took her shoes off and slowly walked to the living room. She gently put her hand on Emily's arm and shook her to wake her up "Emily?" she whispered.  
The brunette woke up almost immediatly with a start.

"It's okay" JJ smiled "It's me"

Emily took a deep breath "Hi" she murmured.

"Ehy" JJ stroked her arm to comfort her and make her feel safe "What do you say if we go upstairs to my room? So we can talk?"

Emily bit her lip and nodded.

She couldn't believe JJ was being so nice to her even after how she treated them all.

"I'm sorry I came. I shouldn't have. You were at the dance and god, I'm so sorry" they said while walking upstairs.

"Emily, don't even mention it. Something's obviously wrong and I'm glad you came here. Don't feel bad"

The brunette smiled and let the blonde lead her to her room.

She sat on her bed and patted the spot next to her. Emily followed and took a deep breath.

"What happened?" JJ asked in a soft and low tone.

Emily tried to speak but no words came out. She felt her voice die in her throat and the tears form in her eyes. She didn't want to cry. She was tired of crying and above all, she was tired of keeping everything in.

She looked at JJ.  
She looked her in her big, blue, kind eyes and for the first time in forever she didn't care anymore.

Screw her mother who was going to take this away from her.  
Screw her fears.  
Screw her doubts.  
Screw everything.

She was killing herself to avoid emotions and feelings and look at how it turned out.  
She was lost and alone and she felt like her own life was slipping out of her hands.

She felt like she had no control on anything anymore.  
She hated it.

JJ's eyes were sweet.

She hated that she pushed them away.  
She hated that she chose Ian Doyle.  
She hated that she shut everyone out.

JJ's smile was reassuring.

She felt her haeart beat so fast in her chest she thought it was going to break through it.  
She felt her palms sweat.  
She felt her lungs inhale air again for real again.

She felt her tears fall and for the first time it felt right.

"It was only today" she whispered


	8. Chapter 8

_"It was only today" she whispered_

JJ asked what was only today and Emily thought about where to start.

Her life made no sense.  
How could she explain it to someone that barely knew her?

She sighed and started from the beninning.

She told her about her mother's job.  
About the traveling.  
About the loneliness.

She told her about the fears, about the pain.  
She told her about how much it killed her a little more every time. Having to leave it all behind and start over without having anything to hold on to.

She told her about the anger.  
The anger towards herself and towards her mother.

The anger towards her mother for not chosing her.  
For abandoning her.  
For not putting her first.  
For not caring enough.  
For not seeing her.

The anger towards herself.  
She told her that that one was the point of no return.

She told her that she anger towards herself brought her not to care about herself.  
To make bad choices. To pick bad habits and like the wrong people.  
She told her about the troubles she got herself into and the messes she had made.

She told her about how everything soon became an addiction.  
She was addicted to whatever could protect her from having to deal with her feelings.

Trouble.

She told her that she was scared about changing because changing would expose her and make her vulnerable.

So she told her why she picked Ian instead of them.

Ian was going to make let her fool herself into feeling something when she really wasn't so whatever happened, she couldn't get hurt.

But they were a total different story.  
They were going to make her feel loved and cared of.  
They were going to make her feel like she was part of something and like she belonged somewhere with someone.  
And that was what her heart longed most but also what she couldn't have so she had to keep herself from getting close to it.  
Because losing it later would have broke her.  
For good.

She always thought she could deal with being bent.  
And she had been always sure that if she broke, she would never get up again.

But sitting there with JJ and hearing herself saying out loud all that stuff made her realise that she's been broken for so long and she's had the abily of fooling herself into believing that it was okay.

How could she have done this to herself?.

She told her about her birthday and the fight with Ian and how she ended up in his arms anyways.  
She told her how they made an habit out of it and why she was okay with it.

"Because it was something" she kept saying "And it was easy"

And it didn't hurt her.

 _Until today_

"But then I don't know what happened. I started hating it not so long ago also because I moved here five minutes ago so it couldn't be that long ago. Anyways, I didn't want it anymore. I wanted out. I wanted him out of everythng. My house, my life...me. But at the same time I couldn't let him go because I was afraid I was going to break definitely if I was left alone with nothing. So I kept playing it cool because I didn't want it but I needed it. Him. Because it was the only thing that reminded me that I was still standing and that someone knew I was there" she was talking up a storm and it felt so good. So damn good.

JJ listened carefully to everything she had to say and could barely hold back the tears. A few had fallen down but she only let them when Emily was looking down so she couldn't see her.

She couldn't believe that behind a beautiful girl like Emily, there could be such pain and sorrow.

"But today was December 19th" that was her breaking point.  
That was what went wrong.  
Any other day would have been okay.  
Any other day, this wouldn't have happened.

Maybe it would have.  
But not because of Ian.

She knew this was bound to happen at some point because she knew she was barely standing anymore. She could feel herself getting worse day after day so it would have happened anyway at some point.

But it happened today.  
And today it happened because of Ian.

And because it was December 19th.

"Emily" JJ said in just above a whisper "What's wrong with December 19th?" her guts were telling that everything Emily had told her up until now wasn't the bomb.

The bomb, she felt, was about to be dropped now.

The bomb was December 19th.

Emily looked up at JJ.

She looked beautiful.  
She had her hair done.  
Her dress was long and pretty and she looked really good in it.

She looked good.  
She looked happy.

Her eyes were sad at the moment. But she could see it that they were joyful eyes.

At the moment, though, they were sad.

She killed everything that was alive.

She felt like she was a disease.

"I'm so sorry" she cried and JJ immediatly took her in her hands.

"Emily, please" she knew Emily needed to do this. She had done so much progress in just one night. She knew she was glad she took it off her chest.  
But she knew she had to take this one off too.

This was the game changing thing.

She needed to face this so she could go on and fix it.  
Fix herself.

Because there was no need to lie or sugar coat it, Emily was broken.

But not lost.

JJ heard it in her words.  
The ability to fight and stand.  
The ability to push back.  
The will to win the demonds.

She knew she could fix herself. Get better.

But she needed to do this.

Emily took deep breaths and repeated in her mind that she could do this.  
That nothing bad was going to happend.

 _What if she judges me?_

If she judges me she probably has been doing since what? the weed? the random sex with Ian Doyle?

If she wanted to judge her she would have done it the moment she started speaking so it's okay.

"If I had kept it, I would have given birth to my baby today"

 _That's it. I broke her_ she thought when she saw JJ's eyes widen.

"Oh Emily" she sighed out.

 _Loss._

It was something JJ could relate to.  
She had lost her sister.  
They didn't really talk about her but five years prior her sister decided life wasn't worth living anymore.

It was painful.  
So that's why they didn't mention her.  
Especially Hotch.

They were closer than he and JJ were because they were closer in age so bonding was easier but after her death everything changed and JJ and Aaron understood that life was short and they needed to lean on each other because that's what they had.  
Because family was all that mattered.

 _Family_

JJ's family had each other during the darkest time of their lives and Emily had been in a dark tunnel her whole life and her family was never there for her.  
She'd been alone for so long.

JJ looked at the shell of a girl that was sitting in front of her and she though of her sister.  
She may never know for sure, but maybe many of the feelings and thoughts Emily had were the same her sister had.

She wiped her tears and with all the strenght she had, she pulled Emily into her.

She did it because she was not going to let it happen again.  
Not under her eyes.  
Not when this time she knew.

She was doing it for her sister and for Emily and for every person that went through shit alone.

She held her tight and let her cry on her shoulder.

The girl in front of her walked through hell and she hadn't come back yet.

"The pendant" she whispered and pulled away a little bit only to see that she was not wearing it anymore. "It was a sagittarius"

Emily smiled sadly and nodded "Yeah"

It was for her baby.

"I thought that since I couldn't keep the baby I would keep something that reminded me of it close to me"

"You're not wearing it now"

She gently shook her head "It was too heavy today"

Emily said that she couldn't keep the baby and JJ wanted to ask more. She wanted to know why she couldn't. Why she didnt' give it up for adoption.  
Why she took such a drastic decision.

Emily looked at her and read her expression "I know, I could have gone through with the pregnancy and give the baby up for adoption but-"

"I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell my mom and I don't know, I just felt so lost and helpless. Matthew, this friend of mine...he found a doctor, took me there and stayed with me"

"I had made my choice without even realising it and it was tough but he stayed with me and he made me feel worthy of love and friendship. It's hard to fit in and be accepted. It's just hard and I made a mistake but I couldn't . Please don't judge me I-"

"Ehy, ehy! I'm not judging you. I would never. I can only imagine where you're coming from and you made the choice that was best for you Emily, I don't judge you. I understand and it's clear that you didn't take it lightly. It's still haunting you"

"I think it made everything worse. Matthew was the first true friend I ever had so losing him after..that...was hard and I didn't know how to deal with it. And then you guys came and I was scared that if I let you get as close as Matthew did I couldn't handle it again. But then everything got out of hand and I'm realising that this I can't handle. This, whatever it is. Pretending, holding back, hiding, trying to shut everyone out. This got bigger and now I wish I would have let you. I wish I would have chosen you because I was scared but now I feel like I completely lost it and I don't know what to do. I feel so stupid"

"Was Matthew..." _the father._

Emily shook her head.

"Emily..." her tone got more serious, not that before it wasn't but now it was even more "Did Ian do something you didn't want?"

Emily rubbed her face with the hands out of frustration.

He did?

She didn't know.

"Yes. No. I don't know. He came by and he said he didn't want to do anything but then he cleary did and I didn't want to. I told him when I saw him at my door and I repeated it when he started kissing me.  
I tried to stop him and he didn't and for a split second I blacked out and when I came back I realised that I was glad he was there doing what he was doing.  
I wanted him to stop but I needed him to stay and go on.  
I told him to leave after because this is a mess and I can't keep going on like this and suddendly I didn't care about the fear anymore.  
Not wanting him like that but feeling like I needed him like that anyway made me realise that I lost it.  
I lost control. I lost myself.  
I both wanted him and needed him at the beginning but not wanting him and needing him scared me more than anything else.  
Not because I thought he was going to hurt me, I knew he wouldn't. I was scared of myself. Oh what lenghts I was willing to go just because of my fear of being alone and be forgotten, be left behind"

"So no, he didn't know anything I didn't want him to do. I did"

JJ nodded. She didn't know if she had to believe her.  
She didn't know if she was in denial.  
If she was blaming herself because she felt like it was her fault.

"Emily" JJ held her hands and tightened her grip around them "I need you to look at me. Look me in the eyes" Emily almost felt desperation in her tone.

"You have to promise me. Promise me Emily, that he really didn't do anything you didn't want him to. Promise me"

"I promise"

"I need to-I need to know that he didn't-"

"NO! Oh my god no. He didn't rape me! I mean this is messy but not like that. It's me not him and this is not me being a victim. It's not the usual thing a victim would say. He didn't rape me. Yes he insisted when I said no but I let him not because I felt I had no choice. I let him because I made my choice. Plus, he wasn't angry or anything. Needy maybe but not angry and he wasn't being possessive or...aggressive. I could have stopped him if I wanted and that's exactly my problem, the fact that I wanted him anyways"

This was a mess.  
A huge, fat mess.

JJ nodded. Probably more to herself than to Emily. Should she believe her? Was it how things were?  
She looked at Emily and couldn't figure her out.  
She couldn't figure anything out and it was frustrating.  
She had no idea how to help her.

What the hell was she going to do?  
How could she help her?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door "Hey girls" it was Aaron.

He smiled at them and Emily felt warm. His smile was one of those smiles that made you feel like everything was going to be okay.  
Maybe it was how he looked.  
He looked like a serious guy, the kind of guy that hold the weight of the world on his shoulders. He was tall and looked like nothing could break him or even move him out of his composure.  
So if a guy like that smiled at you, you simply felt like everything was going to be okay.

"I thought you could use a snack" he handed his sister a plate with two sandwitches "You're the best" said JJ taking the plate from his hands and put in on the bed.  
The way Emily's eyes lit up just a little didn't go unnoticed by JJ and she was glad of it. She could use that and she also thought that it was enough for one night.  
She knew what she needed to know and there was no reason to make Emily relive her past more so it was time for them lighten up the mood and then go to sleep.

"Guys, I'm going to change. Wait me up" she inveted Aaron to stay with them without really inviting him.  
He easily chatted with Emily.

This was easy.

The good kind of easy.

Not the kind of easy she was used to.

JJ came back in her pajams and took some out for Emily too "You're taller than me but they should be fine" Emily thanked her and went to change as well.  
She took her time.  
To realise what happened and what was happening.

In the bedroom, Aaron asked JJ if Emily was okay "No, she's not. Not at all"

Aaron frowned "And what about you?"

JJ shook her head "I just- I don't know that to do. She-I don't know"

"You both go to sleep and tomorrow you'll talk again and then decide together. You can't do this by yourself" he kissed her forehead and left the room "Tell her I said goodnight"  
She nodded and took a deep breath.

It was all sinking in.  
All Emily told her.  
Every single thing she went through in her life.  
And still, she managed to smile and laugh.  
Still, she woke up and got out of bed every day.

She was taken out of her thoughts by Emily coming back in "Your brother?"

"He went to sleep. It's like 2am, I'm sure my parents came back too. They had to stay until the dance was over but he says goodnight"  
JJ patted her bed.

Emily got under she covers and stared at the ceiling "Thanks for letting me stay here"

"No need to. I feel better if you're here than home all alone with your thoughts"

Emily smiled at the nice words and then spoke the lowest she has ever done "JJ?"

"Yes?" JJ was on her side, facing Emily even if she was laying on her back. Hands under her cheek.

"Should he have stopped?"

JJ stayed in silence for a couple of seconds and then cleared her throat before saying "Yes, Emily. I think he should have stopped"

The blonde saw a single tear leave her friend's eye and didn't add anything else.

She waited for Emily to fall asleep to finally close her eyes herself.

She prayed the morning would be better but something inside of her told her that before things would get better, they needed to get much worse first.


	9. Chapter 9

When Emily woke up the morning after she had a moment of pure panick.  
She didn't recognise her surroundings and the bed she was in.  
But slowly, the events of the night started coming back and she felt the panick leave her body.

What she started feeling instead was a mix of things she couldn't quite tell apart.  
She was tired.  
Lighter.  
Aware of the fact that things were going to change.  
So she was scared.  
But also relieved.  
She felt exposed.  
She felt like she was ran over by a truck.

She was about to get out of bed when she noticed JJ wasn't there. She only knew it because she saw her get inside the room "Ehy!" she exclaimed and went to sit beside her "How are you feeling?"  
Emily smiled and thought about going with _great ._

It was always her first instinct but then she remembered that JJ knew and now there was no point in trying to hide so she told her the truth.  
"Confused"

JJ nodded and attempted a smile "Does breakfast sound good? And then if you want, we can talk some more" the brunette nodded and thanked her friend.

"I got you some fresh towels in case you wanted to shower. My parents don't know, don't worry. I told them that you were always supposed to come over but I forgot to tell them. Only Aaron knows"

"Thank you JJ, I'm sorry you had to lie for me"

"Emily, stop apologising. Please" she chuckled.

* * *

Downstairs she got the chance to meed JJ and Aaron's parents.  
They were both very chatty and sweet but they said they had to be very quick because they had some Christmas shopping to do.  
After apologising a million times to Emily for not being able to stay longer, they left making sure she knew she had to make herself at home.  
She thanked them from the bottom of her heart because in that moment they were doing so much more than letting her have a sleepover with their daughter without even knowing it and had breakfast with JJ and Aaron.

They were all pretty silent in the beginning but then one thing let to another and they found themselves chatting and having a good time.

"She was so annoying!" he laughed making fun on his sister "Ehy! It's not my fault! I was excited"

"She would literally go everywhere with the ball under her arm and she was so little it would always slip from her grasp"

"Wow, is that what you're going to say about me when I become a soccer super star?"

"That's a good one isn't it?"

"That's kinda lame, I mean I had some pretty great moments that are worth of being shared with my future fan community"

"Like that time you broke the window from the yard?"

"Like that time I shut you up while you were making fun of me with a straigh kick to your family's jewels"

"Shit JJ that's mean!" Emily exclaimed and they all laughed "It was a mistake I'm very proud of"

And so time just went by like that.  
They spent the whole morning chatting until the phone rang "Oh! That must be Beth" Aaron excused himself and went to pick up just to walk to his room after that and close the door.

"Who's Beth?"

"His girlfirend" JJ ate a cookie "Did he go speak in another country because I'm here?"

JJ chuckled at the joke "No don't worry. He always does that. If he could he would go talk to her in a panick room or something. Like, super armored and stuff. I don't even want to know what they have to tell each other that is so secret he has to be in another timezone to say it"

"What does he do?"

"He's getting a Juris Doctor Degree at the George Washington College to become a prosecutor"

"Wow"

"Yeah"  
The conversationg pretty much died there. Emily felt werid knowing JJ knew so much about her. She had never once in her life felt so exposed.  
She was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Is your mom here for Christmas?"

"Oh yeah. Definitely. We're going to some kind of party somewhere fancy where they serve fake disgusting food because that's just an excuse to do business. They all love Christmas"

"Yuck"

"Don't tell me" Emily laughed "And there's this fair share of sons of important people that hit on you constantly and that's not even the worst part"

"Do I want to know?" for the first time, thinking about something she hated so much was making her laugh "It's when the old men hit on you"

"YUCK!" JJ made a disgusted face and Emily faked gagging a little bit. They both laughed though "They're like 'Oh Emily, you've grown into a gorgeous young lady' and they touch your shoulder or like your back. It's disgusting. But like, it's worse if you sit"

"OMG"

"Yeah. Those things sucks but there's champagne and sometimes the company is not all pervert or too bad"

"That's what you do every Christmas?"

Emily nodded "Yeah and then my mother gives me some huge present or something to make up for it. I thought it was going to be a car this year but Frank said he has a open ended contract so it's not a car. She better come up with something real good because I swear to God"

JJ smiled at the lighter tone in her new friend's voice. "Uhm, I still have some Christmas shopping left to do and I was going to go with Penelope and then meet the guys for a movie. What do you think? You wanna come with us?"

Emily looked kind of shocked. She didn't see it coming and she didn't know if she was asking just because she had no other choice or because she really wanted her there. Also, did the other want her there?

"Uhm, I don't know-"

"Come on! It'll be fun. It's always fun with Penelope. Well, sometimes it's crazy but also fun. And you wouldn't have to go back to the house and be by yourself"

"JJ-"

"No, listen to me. You came to me and asked for help and I really really really want to help you but I can't do this by myself. We have to come up with something and my friends are the first thing I thought about. They like you. Hell, we brainstormed a way to make you like us more than you liked Ian. We went full crazy mode so you don't have to worry about them. They're gonna be happy and they would understand if you decided to tell them what you told me because we've all been through some shit. It's not the same but it's still something. Also, to be honest, I don't feel like leaving you alone. You're sad and you're angry and you need someone to keep you company. You light up when you talk because it's probably something you're not used to so let me help. Come with us and then if you want to leave, you're free to go but please. Give me a chance. Give them a chance"

Emily bit her lip and tried not to cry "Kay" she whispered and snuffled.

"It'll be okay Em. Give it time"

"Do you think I should talk to someone?"

"Probably. And also your mother at some point. Not now, maybe later. Whenever you're ready actually, but you can't keep going on like this. You said it yourself. It's destroying you and it's not fair"

"I don't want people I don't know to stick their nose in my business. With my mother being who she is, I don't know...I don't feel really at ease with that"

JJ seemed to understand "Of course. It must suck feeling like you need to always hold it together because anything you do wrong could be a scandal"

"We should lay down a list of what sucks more" Emily joked and it took more than expected to JJ to register that it was a joke but then she bursted out laughing "Jeez. Leave it to Emily Prentiss to walk through hell and back and joke about it" Emily followed and soon after the two found themselves bending from laughter.

Blame it on the teenage hormones.  
Blame it on the craziness they were going through.  
Blame it on all the shit they brough back on the surface in less than 12 hours.  
Blame it on whatever but they had tears in their eyes from laughing so much.

They let it all out and took all the time they needed to compose again.

JJ wiped her tears and smiled at he brunette in front of here "What do you think of professor Rossi?"

"What? No!" she exclaimed

"Why not? You know him now. He cares about students and this is all he wants us to know. He wants us to know that if something like this happens and we find ourselves alone, we can ask him for help because he's gonna be there. He doesn't try to get on our good side so that we like his class. He tries to be on our good side so we hopefully like him enough to look for him if need help"

"Ehy pal guess what? I used to have tons of sex to avoid feeling like shit but it backfired and now I'm broken beyond repair"

"Okay first of all, are the jokes a good thing? Because I don't know if I should be worried or not. Second of all, you're not broken beyond repair and last but not least, you don't have to tell him about the sex. We can come up with something to tell him without _telling telling_ him everything. Or at least try not to say the word sex"

Emily seemed to take some time to think about it but eventually agreed. Because she knew the blonde who was bending backwards for her was right.  
JJ breathed a sigh of relief and nodded almost like she was thanking god for hearing her prayers "Okay, good. Good"

"Oh and JJ, the jokes are a good thing"

"Oh sweet Jesus, thank you!" she let out in a very not lady like manner "Why are you out of breath?"

"Because I pretty much stopped breathing when I asked you abot Mr Rossi. I don't even know why and also, I told you I was worried the jokes were a bad thing. I'm sorry"

"You could stab me right now, I still wouldn't want you to apologise to me" JJ raised an eyebrow in confusion "This is more than anyone has ever done for me. This is-I just can't never thank you enough" JJ smiled at the words of the girl in front of her.

"You'll be just fine" it was finally time for a hug.

* * *

"OMG" Emily smiled "OMG! OMG! OMG!" she saw Penelope running towards them "Omg, are you real? Are you? Are you really here? How? Why? When?W-what? Omg can I hug you"

Emily laughed and hugged the sweet and adorable girl that had been nothing but nice and funny since day one "I-" she blanked out. She wanted to tell her but now was not the moment and she didn't think about how she was going to explain the fact that she was at the mall with JJ.

"I met her on the way here and asked if she wanted to tag along"

"Oh my god this is going to be amazing!"

JJ looked at Emily as to warn her about hurricane Penelope who wasted no time and started walking up a storm after taking the two girls under both of her arms.

"Girl night omg"

"Is it girl night if the boys are here too?"

"Yes" they said together.

Emily laughed "How?"

"We pretty much talk about girl stuff not caring about them listening. Periods is the best thing. Spencer always looks like he wants to cut his ears off. Derek plays cool but dang, he might be even more embarassed than Spencer" Penelope said with a smile in her voice.

"Sometimes we bring it up on purpose just for fun"

Emily bit her lip to contain her smile. She tried not to listen to the part of her brain that was screaming at her to get the hell out ot there and hide in the safeness of her defense mechanism.

 _It sucks, your defense mechanism.  
They're here and they want to help you.  
This is better.  
This is right.  
No matter what happens after._

Penelope took the lead of the conversation and explained to them all the gifts she had to buy for her stepbrothers.  
JJ said she needed something from her mom.  
Emily needed a dress for the "ball"

"Wait what? What ball?"

"It's not really a ball. It's a Christmas party"

"Like the ones rich people go to in tv?"

"Those ones"

"For real?"

"For real. And they suck"

"There are perves and fake food" JJ chimed in.

"Fake food?"

"Yeah. Well" she laughed "It's not fake food. It's real food but it's buffet for the whole night. It's mostly cold or dry you know. It sucks. You expect the grand dinner but nope, not at all. It sucks"

"Yuck"

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!" exclaimed JJ and the three girls laughed.

* * *

"Where are the boys?"

"We were supposed to meet them outside the theatre" JJ looked at her watch "Aren't girls supposed to be late?"

Emily snorted "That's legend. Men are the worst"

"I know right? We take all the blame for taking forever to get ready and they brag about how they can shower and dress in 10 minutes but then when you're ready they rebember that they didn't put underwear on and they tell you to shut it because you lost the right to complain at the 50th 'hurry up'. But at least we remember that the 'getting ready' part includes getting dressed"

"Okay, is that experience I hear?" Emily asked looking at JJ

"Ugh" the blonde rolled her eyes "Aaron always does that" Emily shot her a quick glance at the mention of Aaron.

"Boss man forgets the underwear?" Penelope scrunched up her nose and JJ burst out laughing "No okay" she admitted "He did it once. When we were little but I needed to prove my point"

"Girls" Emily called them and noddead ahead of her. The two blondes looked at the direction Emily pointed at and saw the two boys approaching.  
They were bickering about something and didn't notice them but the clearly saw Derek laugh and smack Spencer's head.

"Derek stop. I bruise"

"On the back of your neck"

"Everywhere!"

"Sorry genius bo-Princess!" he exclaimed noticing Emily standing next two of his three best friends "Didn't see it coming!" he opened his arms and smiled at her. Emily hugged him and hoped he couldn't feel her heart beat through all the layers of clothes.

Spencer looked petrified. He simply couldn't believe she was there "Ehy Spece!" she murmured, scared he was mad at her for some reason.

"Emily..." he hadn't blinked yet "Omg I can't believe you're here" the brunette breathed a sigh a relief.

She was scared they were all going to be mad at her for being a bitch to them.  
She was scared they were going to judge for going back to them once her toy broke.  
She was afrain they were not going to accept her again.

But they didn't.  
They were happy to see her, almost as much as she was to see them.

 _Princess._

It finally felt right.

It wasn't much.  
It was just a little.  
But it felt right.

She knew she had a long road ahead of her but it felt right.  
And she wasn't alone like she thought she'd be.

It didn't feel impossible.


	10. Chapter 10

"You do it"

"No you do it"

"Emily!"

"JJ!"

"Call him"

"You call him"

"I don't want to"

"Me neither!"

"Emily, you'll have to talk to him! Like talk for real! About serious stuff! You can't be afraid of a phone call!"

"I'm not afraid of a phone call"

"Then call him!"

"I don't want to"

"Emily! You call, he picks up and you tell him you gotta speak to him"

"What if he doesn't answer?"

"If he doesn't answer, we-you'll call him again and he doens't answer again we'll try until he does"

"No I mean" she sighed. She couldn't believe she was about to say this "What if...she answers?"

"Who? What are you-SHIT!"

"Jeez! Thank you"

"Holy wow! I totally forgot about her. Fuck"

"I mean, she was really nice when I met her on the first day"

"She was nice? She knows how?"

Emily rolled her eyes "She told me I could ask for her if anything happened but I don't think she meant "call me whenever you want at my house. even during Christmas break". I really don't want to do this"

"Well, you have to"

"No please, you do it"

"What? At least if she answers, she was nice to you. She was never nice to me. I don't even think I've ever seen her in person. She's like a mythological figure to me I only hear about from the tales that the ones who are brave enough to approach her tell"

"See? That's exactly why you should be the one to make the call. If I call, there might be higher chances she recognises me. If you do, it will be a random someone calling at her house"

"You're kind of a bitch" JJ knew she had lost.

"You're amazing. Plain and simple. No kind of, no a little, nothing. Pure awesomeness" she exclaimed.

JJ read the number and dailed it on the phone.

"Put it on speaker"

"Nothing else?" JJ sassied. Emily bit her lip.

 _Hello_

JJ mouthed every curse she knew and Emily put her hands over her mouth to keep any sound or laugh to come out.

It was Principal Strauss.  
 _  
_"I'm so fucking killing you after this" she mouthed to her friend and Emily was begging her to answer while trying not to laugh. "Do it! Do it" she mouthed and hand gestured.

 _Hello?_

"Uhm" JJ cleared her throat "Hi, ehm, good afternoon, is this David Rossi's house?"

JJ tried to keep it as cool as possible but damn, she feared that woman and also it was one of the most awkward things she's ever done.

 _"Yes. I'm his wife"_

Emily fell on the bed pressing her hands on her mouth to muffle the sound of her laugh while JJ desperatly made faces and said she wanted to die because _wife_ was never how she wanted to hear Erin Strauss introduce herself.

 _"May I ask who's asking for him?"_

JJ looked at Emily getting up from the bed. "I'm" she tried to interpret the charades Emily was doing to suggest her something to say but "You suck at this" she mouthed covering the microphone.

Emily couldn't take it and just fell again on the bed, laughing.

"I'm Louisa" Emily frowned and JJ shrugged because she had no idea what she was saying "From the telephone company. I'd like to speak to Mr. Rossi about your phone plan. Emily looked surprised and okayed her with her finger "awesome" she whispered.

JJ smiled.

 _"Oh, of course. One moment please"  
_  
JJ and Emily looked at the phone like it was an alien while waiting and waiting, listening to the sound of Principal's Strauss heels ticking on the floor. She walked a lot.  
She walked a hell of a lot "What the fuck? She's walking all the way up to another state?" JJ whispered.

 _David, honey?_ They barely heard because it was muffled. She was probably covering the michophone.  
Emily and JJ looked at each other.

"What was that voice?"

"She has a wife voice. I can't. I don't thinik I can take it. This is too much"

"Yes cara?" they melted when they heard his voice.  
 _Cara_ meant dear, Emily said and hearts popped in JJ's eyes.

Why the fact that he was in love with someone didn't affect them at all but if Erin Strauss said she's someone's wife they freaked out?

 _"Louisa"_ she said in a weird tone _"from the telephone company would like to speak to you about our plan"  
_ They couldn't know it but Rossi frowned confused.

Erin knowingly raised her eyebrows, handed him the phone and left.

"Hello"

"Mr Rossi? Hi" JJ felt like she could breathe again without being afraid of being eaten alive "I'm so sorry to call you during Christmas break but it's important. I'm JJ-Jennifer Jareau from your class"

"Yes J-"

"DON'T SAY MY NAME IF PRINCIPAL STRAUSS IS IN THE ROOM. I lied to her and I don't want her to find it out and hate me"

"Okay, so you're asking me to lie to my wife and-"

"NO!" JJ facepalmed herself "Just to the principal, not the wife"

Rossi laughed.  
JJ sighed.  
Emily was laying on the floor now.  
She didn't deserve the bed.

What she was witnessing and taking part of didn't make her worthy of being ashamed on a bed.

"Okay I won't throw you under the bus"

The two girls breathed a sigh of relieaf.

Rossi laughed "What's the matter?"

JJ shook her desire to bury herself alive away and regained composure "Okay so. I'm really really sorry for calling you during Christmas break but I'm with Emily Prentiss, still from class, and we kinda have a situation and we didn't know who to talk to about it with. It's nothing urgent. I mean, it is. It's a very big thing we don't really know how to deal with but we can wait until school starts again and we were wondering if we could talk to you"

Rossi became serious the moment he heard the girl's serious tone "Yes of course. Are you girls okay? What happened?"

"Uhm-I wouldn't really know how to explain over the phone"

"You want to see me before school starts? I'm sure we could arrange something"

"No no. No need to do that. We wouldn't want to impose and spoil your holidays. Well, we kinda did already but we don't want to do that too much. We called because we understand it might have been not possible to talk after break so we needed to know before because in case you said no we would have needed to find some other options and tried to figure it out in a different way"

"Of course. No need to worry about that and none of my students would ever intrude or spoil anything if they're asking for help"

"Thank you Mr. Rossi. You're the absolute best! Merry Christmas"

Rossi smiled "Merry Christmas Girls"

They hang up.

JJ was speechless for the longest time and when she saw Emily laying on the floor like she was trying to disappear, she couldn't help but laugh.

"David"

"Don't!"

"She has a wife voice. Did you hear how her tone was soft and-"

"Don't please"

"Cara"

"Don't" Emily laughed

"And then that-"

"NO! DON'T EVEN GO THERE!"

"HONEY!"

"AH" Emily covered her ears "DON'T DON'T DON'T"

JJ was caught by a fit of laughter "Did you hear the way she said Louisa?"

Emily closed her eyes "I don't think I'll ever be able to unhear it" JJ joined her on the floor.

"She had that weird tone. Do you think she thought it was his lover?"

"JJ! What the hell! Stop giving me material my brain can transform into nightmares" She exclaimed and covered her face with her hand.  
The blonde laughed again.

They stayed in silence for the rest of the time.  
Laying on Emily's bedroom floor.

"JJ?"

"Mhmh" the blonde turned her head to the side, to face her friends.

"Thank you" murmured Emily "For this and for everything"

JJ gave her a comforting smile "Anytime Em"

And they went back to their silence.  
They needed it to let all the cringe they felt sink in first and then wear off.

"What if we broke them and now they're having a massive fight because she thinks he cheated on her?"

* * *

Rossi put down the phone and stared at it for long moments.  
He wished he knew more about it so he could stop worrying so much.

He had this feeling at the pit of his stomach that was telling him that it really was something important.

He was taken away from his thoughts by his wife knocking on the door "Ehy" she said sofly and went to sit on his lap.  
He was in the office going through some school reports.

He wrapped his arm around her waist while she cuddled up and made herself comfortable on him.  
She had her head in the crook of his neck and he was gently stroking her back and side "So" she sighed "Who were the Louisa? And what did they want?"

Rossi looked at her smiling "Was it the telephone company?"

"Mhmh" she nodded. It was Erin who take care of the phone stuff. Rossi hated it because they would call all the time. Erin hated it too but at least she could stay calm and not lose her italian temper.  
So this was their deal.

She handled the persistant calls.

"But I would have known even if they had chosen another lie"

Rossi's eyebrows almost reached his hairline at his wife's lack of modesty. "Don't make that face. They were bad liars and not very subtle. I heard them argue about how bad they were at lying and I'm a mother. I can detect good lies so bad lies are just very easy"

Rossi chuckled "So, what did they want from Mr Rossi?"

"You're not going to ask who it was"

"If they wanted me to know they would have said the names. They didn't so I'm going to respect their privacy. But they're still my students and you're my husband. I I think it concerns me just enough to allow me to ask what it is and if it's bad"

Rossi kissed the crown of her head "They said they wanted to speak with me about some personal situation they found themselves into"

"Did they say what it was?"

"No. Only that it was complicated to explain over the phone but that they still needed to call because they needed to know in case I was going to say no. If I said no they would have had to find another way"

"Do you think it's bad?"

David sighed and when she heard no response she looked up. "You think it's bad?"

"I think it's weird. So yeah, it's probably bad"

She kissed his cheek and snuggled into him "You'll fix it. Whatever it is"

He tightened his grip around her and hoped she was right.

"Stop it"

"Stop what?"

"Doubting yourself"

"I wasn't-"

"You were and you are. If they called you it's because they know you're the right person for them. You're amazing with them David and I'm not saying this as the wife that hears the stories at dinner. I'm saying this as the principal the reads the statistics and the feedbacks of the teachers and the classes"

"Look at me" she whispered. He looked down at her "They're going to be fine"

"It just bugs me that I know something is wrong but I don't know what. A million scenario are going through my mind and it might drive me insane"

"I get it that you think it's bad but maybe it's the kind of bad that can wait"

"Do you have any suggestion?"

"Let's see. No one needs a kidney otherwise they would have said they couldn't wait"

"Ha, ha" he mocked her "My wife ever the comedian"

Erin laughed and he chuckled shaking his head.

"Maybe they have an issue that needs to be addressed and they feel like they can't with their parents so they asked you. Which is what you always tell them.  
If you feel like you can't tell someone, tell someone else. You feel like you can't talk about it with you parents? Go to a friend, a person you trust. Come to me if you want"

"Are you quoting me?"

"Maybe"

He stroked her hair and leaned down to kiss her "I love you"

She caressed the side of his face, from the cheek to the hair "I love you more"

He pressed his forehead on hers and breathed in her scent to calm down.  
She could always calm him down.

"Are you okay?"

"I am" he murmured in her neck.

They would be fine.  
Everything would be just fine.


	11. Chapter 11

"Ehy" Aaron knocked on JJ's door.  
It was Christmas break and they usually spent a lot of time together but when something came up and couldn't, they always made sure they hang out together at least to chat a bit before bed.

It was important to the both of them.

Night chats started after their sister's death.  
JJ would have nightmares and run to Aaron's room and they would start talking about everything and nothing to fall asleep.  
Sometimes she would try to be brave and not go to him but sometimes it was him who went to her.

So that's how it started.  
They were grieving and had each others' back.

"If you don't have food you can't come in" JJ smiled, knowing he had something.

"Popcorns okay?"

"Best brother in the world. Come in"  
Aaron closed the door behind him and joined her sister on the bed watching tv with her.  
They sat in silence and it was weird because she knew they usually did this to talk so the fact that he wasn't meant that either he was upset because of something or he did want to say something but didn't know how.

"Okay, come on, say it" JJ said throwing a popcorn at him "What?"  
"I know you want to ask or say something so do it. Shoot"

"I just-" he sighed "I was thinking about..."

"If it's Beth stuff that got you so worked up I promise I'll put up with it without making a big deal out of it"

"Emily" he looked up at her in the eyes that widened when he said her name.

"Emily?What?"

"Yeah I mean, I can't stop thinking about the night she came here. She was so desperate and I know it's none of my business but I can't just pretend nothing happened"

JJ's eyes softened. He had the biggest and kindest heart.

"She's fine"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean, she's gone through a lot, like _a lot_ but she told me all about it and I think that this alone helped her a lot. Also we're going to talk to Mr Rossi. Her mother isn't often around so for now we'll see how it goes with him and then when she's ready she'll talk about it with her mother"

"She's alone?"

"Yes. I mean, no not now. Her mother is back. She works a lot and sometimes she goes out of town for a couple of days. Emily said she used to bring her along when she was younger but now she can take care of herself so there's no point. She's home now but they still don't have the best relationship. They don't talk much and she's seen her put work before her many times before so right now it's not exactly the best moment to test her because there's too much going on. She can't lean on someone she's not sure is going to be there. She can't risk it so we're playing it safe and talking to him and see where to go from there then"

"You're amazing"

JJ smiled "She is" she played with the pillow she had on her legs "She really has gone through a lot of shit and she dealt with it the best way she could. It wasn't the right thing to do often times but it kept her sane. At least until now so maybe it wasn't even that wrong. I don't know. It's confusing you know, but she pulled through it and still fought. And when she thought she had lost, she still tried one last time and came to us and that actually helped her. She's doing better already. She just needed to know she's not alone, no matter what"

Aaron looked intensly at his sister "Are you doing okay?"

JJ smiled "Yeah. It's werid sometimes but I'm good. She reminds me of Rosaline. Or at least she did the night she came here. I'm glad I was there to help this time around"

"JJ-"

"I know. I know I couldn't have done anything but maybe I could have. I'm doing something now and it's working so maybe with Rosaline we just didn't enough"

"Emily reached out..."

"Maybe Rosaline did in her own way too"

"Maybe" Aaron sighed "We'll never know"

JJ nodded sadly "She has the saddest stories but also the most amazing ones" it was time to lighten up the mood.

Aaron raised his eyebrows in surprise and told her to go on "She's been anywhere and she's met so many people. She's done so much. Like, a lot of crap too but a lot of cool stuff too. She speaks 6 languages. Fluently. And she's so smart. Like she wins at cards against Spencer. I'm living for the day I'll be able to do that. She's a fascinating girl"

Aaron nodded and looked into nothing "Yeah she is"

"And like she has no idea how a normal Christmas dinner is"

"Well, if it's just her and her mother-"

"It's not. I mean, she goes to these Christmas parties her mother drags her to. Poor thing, she said she's always miserable and there are perves who costanly hit on her and girls her age. Both young and old"

"Ew"

"Right?!"

"So she's not gonna be around on Christmas?"

"I don't think so. It's dinner but she's leaving early and probably coming back on the 26th"  
Aaron nodded.

"Why'd you ask?"

"I just" he sighed "I don't know. I just saw her that night and then didn't know anything and it was bugging me. She's your age and after everything that happened it just gets to me. She just looked so-"

"Yeah, I know. It's okay though. She's going away on Christmas but we're all meeting up for lunch tomorrow. We're exchanging presents"

The brunette boy chuckled "You can come with us if you want"  
He kissed her head, thanked but declined the offer and told her he was going to bed.  
She watched him leave and then went back to her movie.

* * *

Lunch was definitely interesting.  
She sat surrounded by nothing but genuine smiles, rich laughters and kind eyes and she almost couldn't believe it was happening.  
To her.  
Right there.

It was probaly the best day Emily ever had. She doens't remember feeling that happy. Feeling so good.  
She felt like she could do anything.  
The demonds were there.  
She knew they were.  
But the more Derek and Spencer argued like little boys, the more Penelope got excited about the smallest things and the more JJ sassied them all, the smaller the demons felt.  
She felt them shrink every time she and Derek would throw a joke into the conversation and then high five each other.  
She felt them shake whenever Spencer gave her an incouraging smile.  
She felt them hide from Penelope's bright heart.  
She felt them weakening every time JJ looked at her to ground her and remind her that everything was going to be alright.

She felt almost at peace and she knew that whatever huge present her mother was going to give her to make up for another missed Christmast and whatever thing she missed during the year, it couldn't be as big and beautiful as the warmth she was feeling inside of her.  
It could have been a car, or a house.  
She could have bought her a whole island just for herself and it still wouldn't be at what she was currently feeling level.

"Are you okay gumdrop?" Emily's thinking was interrupted by Penelope's sweet voice.

Emily blinked her eyes a couple of time and looked confused at first but then a smile broke on her face "I am" she said "I am" she repeated in a whisper.

"Uh oh, I think Princess just got a bit emotional" Derek laughed when Emily playful slapped him.

"This is just new to me and I guess it's just sinking that I've been missing out all my life"

"We'll catch up Princess, just give it time" Emily smiled "Speaking of which" she looked at her watch "This was amazing but I gotta go. My mom has to go over everything I've picked for the dinner and make sure we have time to get something she okays if something doesn't get her green card"

"Jeez, that sounds like hell"

"Don't tell me. Uhm, JJ can you come with me a second?" she looked suddenly nervous and JJ very surprised.  
None of them saw that coming and at the same time none of them questioned what just happened.  
JJ had told them bits and pieces of what had happened, nothing specific of course, because it wasn't her story to tell but at the same time she explained them that there was something big going on and Emily was going to tell them as soon as she felt ready but for now they had to respect her and her space because she really had a lot going on.  
They had no idea what it was, but if it was as bad as it looked from JJ's words, there was no room to get mad about not knowing anything when JJ knew all of it.  
They could only be glad she finally had someone to share that weight with.

"What's up?" JJ asked when they had a little privacy "Are you okay? Something happened? You want-"

"I'm fine JJ. Don't worry" she gave her a reassuring and thankful smile "Nothing happened. I just-" she took something out of her bag "I wanted to ask you if you could give Aaron this" it was a small dark blue paper bag. It looked fancy.

"Wha-"

"It's nothing. Just-uhm. I took Christmas as an opportunity to give him a thank you gift for when I came to your house. He-uhm- he could have just let me go home you know. He could have dismissed me and let me go and if I'm here right now it's probably because he didn't take away from me the chance to come to you. I mean- If I had to go back home I don't know if I would have tried again, you know. I don't know if I would have found the courage again. So, yeah"

JJ smiled. She got her friend's point "I'll make sure he gets this"

The brunette smiled and hugged her friend "Thank you" she said in a whisper.

* * *

"Mom?" Emily and her mother were sitting in the car "Yes dear?"

"How come we never decorated the Christmas tree? Like, just the two of us?"

"Oh" Elizabeth seemed taken by surprise "I-" she sighed "We used to"

Emily saw her mother get lost in a memory and sadly smile at the images in front of her "When you were little. Don't you remember?"

Emily opened her mouth to say something but she found nothing came out "I- don't"

"It was before your father left"

Emily understood why then. She was only five and she remembers having some memories about those times when she was younger but the more time passed, she more the pushed it in the back of her mind. It was painful and then the fact that they traveled so much didn't help her a lot with making stable memories.  
They're all mixed up and sometimes she can't tell the years apart.

"You were always so excited about Christmas but after he left I drowned myself in work and I guess I let you down so many times you started losing your excitment.  
I'm sorry I ruined it for you and keep doing it every year"

She didn't know why but in that moment she felt sorry for her mother. All the anger didn't really make sense right there. It must have been hard for her. Handling a demanding job and a child all by herself.

"It's not too bad" Emily tried to make her mom feel btter "Al least not every year but maybe we could start decorating the tree. I mean, it doesn't really make sense to have one if someone else put it up for us, right?"

Elizabeth chuckled "You're right" Emily smiled and Elizabeth did too and then suddenly, before she could control herself, she brough her hand to her daughter's cheek and brushed it gently. Emily immediatly turned her head to look at her mother "You're all grown up" she said in a sad tone "And you're more beautiful than ever".  
The high cheekbones, the rosy cheeks and the porcelain skin. She perfect smile and the long neck.

Her daughter was beautiful and she didn't remember the last time she told her so. She didn't remember the last time she told her she loves her.

She had failed as a mother.

She felt tears behind her eyes so she cleared her throat and changed subject.

 _That's who I wake it from_ thought Emily when she saw the shift in her mother's eyes. For a moment she thought they were having a connection, her mother was looking at her and truly seeing her but then her mom faded into nothing and the cold, tight up Ambassador took her place and pulled her hand back from Emily's cheek to her lap.

Emily blinked the tears away and looked out the window to hide her weakness from her mother. She didn't want her to see her like this because she didn't want to hit her walls.  
She didn't want to be told it was not the moment, just because she was the one who wanted to avoid talking.  
She didn't want to be weak in front of someone that couldn't understand how it felt and what it meant.  
She didn't want to feel like it didn't matter.

They had made progress, _or at least I think so._  
But it probably hurt her more than not making progress at.

It was like tasting something good and then lose it all without being able to do anything at all to hold onto that.

She took a deep breath and sucked it up.  
The thought of going back home to her friends as soon as this thing was over made her want to get it over with as soon as possible and she knew that at this point there was no point in fighting it so she closed her eyes to ground herself and decided that the was going to make the most out of it and try to have fun.

* * *

"Look who's back in town!" she heard while putting some foon in her plate. She turned around and saw a boy, not much older than her, looking at her. She turned to her sides to make sure he wasn't speaking to someone else. When she realised there was no one around her, she felt like she was supposed to recognize the guy but she had no idea who it was.

"Uhm, I'm sorry, do I know you?" she chewed on a piece of sushi but then spit it out of her mouth "Jeez, this is disgusting".

The boy laughed "Some things really never change"

"I feel like you know me but, excuse me, I really don't remember who you are"

"I'm Nathan Johnson. We met at a Christmast party when we were only little kids"

"Nathan-OH" Nathan Johnson! The last time I saw you, you told me I was stupid and pulled the ribbon out of my hair. What made you change your mind and flirt with me tonight? Was it the boobs or the ass?" She sassed.

"I-"

"Oh, I think I just saw slices of pizza. Or maybe they were sheets of paper. I'm not sure" she scrunched up her nose because they looked disgusting "Anyways, gotta go. See you around Nat" she patted his chest lightly and fled.

Emily was looking around herself and without even realising it, she started thinking about how it could have been if he had a date.  
And not any date.  
She panicked when she realised she was imagining being there with Aaron.  
She was pretty sure that in a tux he looked way better than anyone in that room.  
Also, he would be so much more charmier than all of them.

She looked at the dance floor and wondered what it would be like to held by him and dance to a slow music.

 _Get a grip Emily. You're a mess and he has a girlfriend._

She poured down the champagne and didn't give it another thought.  
She was starting to think if dismissing Nathan like that was a mistake.  
She didn't seem to recognise anyone else in the room so if she wanted a chance to have even a bit of fun, Nathan probably was her only option.

But was it like Ian?  
She couldn't help but think it was like with him.

Once again, she found herself alone in a situation she wasn't comfortable with and instead of trying with her own strenghts she was running to someone she didn't want but felt like she needed if she wanted a chance.

She started feeling like she couldn't breathe and she was sure she could puke.

How was she supposed to deal with it?  
It was good and easy to hang out with her friends because it was a safe environment but when she found herself alone like that she could here the demons and the skeletons laughing at her for thinking she could make it on her own.  
She could feel her old ways pulling her from the safe spot she desperatly tried not to lose.

It was not like she was going to get shit faced and then have sex with Nathan because being alone was eating her alive.

She was going to chat with him because the even was extremely boring.

Still, she felt like she couldn't tell right from wrong.  
And she was weak.  
Weak and alone.

She was going to run out for some air when she felt something hit her legs.  
She looked down and frowned when she didn't see anything _Am I allucinating?_

 _No_

Her answer had long red hair and green eyes and popped out from under the table behind her.

"I'm very sorry" she said with the cutest smile.

Emily chuckled and crouched down "It's fine don't worry. Now that I think about it, I used to do that a lot too when I was your age"

Big, green eyes looked back at her "You hid under tha tables to play?"

"Oh yes" Emily smiled "Do you mind if I join you?"

The little girl shook her head and raised up the table cloth to make room for her new friend.

"My name is Riley by the way and I'm six"

"It's very nice to meet you Railey, I'm Emily and I'm seventeen"

"Wow! You're old"

Emily burst out laughing.  
Kid could make everything better.

"OMG! Do I look old?"

"No. You look really pretty" she seemed to think "I'm confused"

Emily couldn't wipe the smile off her face "That's because I'm not older. I'm older than you but not old" She raised the table cloth a little bit and scanned the room.  
She saw an old man standing next to a girl and decided it she didn't want to prove a point using a creepy man. She looked for a woman because it wouldn't show anything that she didn't approve her even if she was aware of the fact that whatever she saw in an old man standing so close to a young girl wasn't going to be so clear to Riley. She spotted an old lady with a martini in her hand that looked nice "See? That's old" she whispered to Railey.  
The young girl looked at where Emily was pointing.

"Oh. There's a lot of very old people in here then"

They went back in the full hiding.

"Yep" she then felt sorry for the girl because she was her. They were the same thing and maybe had the same life. Or at least very similar.

"Do you want something to eat?"

"You've got food?"

"Mhmh" she then took a napkin off some plates and showed her what she got "I don't like everything they have here so mom got me a bunch of the stuff I like"  
"I don't like much either. But I'm no hungry, thank you though" Emily decided to leave the girl her food.

"So Emily. Do you have a husband?"

Emily almost chocked on her own saliva "Why'd you ask?"

"Because I was looking at the people on the dance floor and a lot of them were kissing and my mommy told me that you only kiss your boyfriend or your husnand like that but she also said that I need to be older to have a boyfriend and even older for a husband. You're older. Do you have a husband?"

Emily giggled "No I don't"

"A boyfriend?"

"Neither"

"It's too bad. You're very pretty. You should have one"

The brunette smiled "Thank you Riley" she saw the doll on the floor next to her "Were you two playing?"

"Mhmh. But it's okay. We can talk. She was sleepy anyways"

Emily almost had tears in her eyes. This little girl was making the best out of a situation she couldn't control and that was forced upon her.

"Riley, do your parents know you're here?"

She nodded "They told me that if I wanted to stay by myself I had to stay here and only here and not change table. EVER. And that if I wanted to go to them I should ask to one of the guys with white jackets for them"

Emily nodded happy that she hadn't run away.

They spent the whole time chatting about girl things and Riley told her she was very happy about it because she didn't have an older sister, only a younger brother that wasn't there because he was way too little. "He can't even talk yet" Railey said so she was glad she could talk about dresses, princesses and fairytales with a girl friend tonight.

"Do you have many friends?"

"I have a few. Do you?"

The little girl looked down and shook her head "I mean. I make friends, all the time. But then we often have to move so I don't see them anymore"

She could relate so bad to that little girl. She wanted to wrap her in her arms and tell her to hang in there, to stay strong and not let it bend her.

"I'm sure you'll find your forever friends one day"

"Did you?"

Emily took her time to answer her question. She was trying to find the perfect answer. She didn't want to lie to the little girl so she had to really think about it but soon the smile on her face answered and took the doubts away "Yes. I have"

"Really?" the little girl eyes lit up "Can you tell me about them?"

Emily chuckled "Of course I can. Let's see. There's JJ-"

"How is she? Is she pretty? Does she have a kitten? I love kittens!"

"She's blonde and she has blue yes. She's really pretty and no she doens't have kittens but she has a dog. Her name is Olly and she's the cutest"

"I like the name Olly"

"I do too"

"Tell me about the others"

"Okay so, there's JJ, as I was telling you. She's really good a soccer. Like really really good and she plays all the time. Her brother even told me that when she was little the broke a window with the ball" the fit of giggles coming from the little girl filled Emily's heart with warmth "Then there's Spencer. He is super super smart. The smartest person I know. He know everything"

"Everything"

"Everything. But he's very shy. Derek always makes fun of him and vice versa but they love each other a lot and they would do anything for each other"  
"And last, but not least. There's Penelope. You know Riley, now that I think about it, you remind me a lot of her"

"FOR REAL?"

"For real" she smiled "She is very sweet and funny. She has cute nicknames for everyone and she likes toys and stuffed animals. She absolutely adores kittens"

"REALLY?"

"Yes. And unicorns too. Stuffed animals and all those things"

"WOW!"

Emily giggled "Oh yes"

"Emily, do you think they would like me"

"I think they would absolutely love you" she stroked her long red hair.

They kept chatting and at some point Emily took her painful shoes off and Railey crawled on her lap. She rested her head on Emily's chest and sometimes look pull away to look at Emily while she said something in particular that got her attention or when she had to say something that got her particularly excited or simply to play with Emily's elaborated necklace.

She had her head on her chest when she whispered in a tired voice "I like your dress Emily".

Emily had a long black dress. It was tight on the waist and then fell softly and smoothly down.  
It was very simple so she decided on a very elaborated necklace to complete the look.

"And also you hair"  
Emily smiled. Her mom's haistyler had curled her hair and then pulled it in a low messy bun with some free strands of hair that fell to the sides.

"Thank you Riley. I like your dress too and I really really love your hair"

"Riley-Oh, I'm sorry" a young woman pulled up the table cloth "I'm very sorry if she bothered you"

"Not at all. I actually asked to join her down here. I was bored out of my mind and she's exceptional. We were talking and she fell asleep just a couple of minutes ago. I guess we lost track of time and didn't realise we talked until the end of the party"

The woman that was clearly Riley's mother "It's okay. I'm actually glad she was here the whole time. I feared she would get bored at some point and start running around" she said while getting Riley from Emily's arm. She tried her best not to wake her but she had only fallen asleep a couple of minutes ago she wasn't in a very deep sleep.

They got out from under the table and Riley's mom introduced herself.

"I'm Emily Prentiss" she shook her hand

"Oh, you'r mom is Elizaeth!"

"Yes ma'am"

"She's a sweerheart! It was very nice to meet you Emily and thank you for making this less miserable for my daughter"

"The pleasure was all mine"

"Say bye to Miss Emily honey"  
"Bye Princess Emily" Riley sleepily waved at her from her mother's hip.

"Bye Princess Riley and Merry Christmas"

The moniker made her smile. She was sure Riley mixed it up because she was more asleep than awake and probably the _miss_ confused her even more but to be honest, the little girl was a princess to Emily so it felt more normal than anything else.

Emily watched them leave and couldn't help but feel good.  
She had fun today.  
She listened to a little girl talk up a storm about anything and nothing. From the lists of presents she got from Santa Claus to how many dots she thought a dalmatians had.

She hoped that little girl could keep that smile inside of her even if her same demonds were already starting to taste her.  
She hoped that bright smile could keep them from having a feast out of her beautiful soul.  
She hoped it was enough not to get lost.

"Emily! Where have you been all night?" Elizabeth excalimed once she found her daughter standing in the middle of the room with her shoes hanging from her index finger.

"Oh well- I played with a little girl"

"Oh" she looked surprised. Emily knew her mother expected everything but this and honestly she did too.

"Did you two have fun?"

"The most I've ever had during one of these things"

Emily chuckled "I'm glad. Are you ready to go?"

"I am" she nodded and put her shoes back on "I still don't like that you do that" she said but had a playful tone.

Emily followed smiling "They hurt my feet like motherfu-"

"Is that the same language you used in front of the little girl?"

Emily rolled her eyes "No"

"Thank God"

"Are we going to have some food at the hotel?"

"I already told them to let us find it ready by the time we arrived"

"I don't get why the food always sucks so bad. Like, they're all rich beyond reason. They could spend a little more to get edible shit"

"EMILY!"

"Don't EMILY! me. You know I'm right"

"It doesn't change the fact that you sound like a dumpster when you speak"

They walked to the car.

"But I'm right"

"Still"

"Say it"

"Emily-"

"Come on"

"Okay, you're right"

Emily did a little and very very very short victory dance. "It wasn't that bad, was it?"

Elizabeth playfully rolled her eyes while getting on the car "Emily stop it or so help me"

"I've got what I want. I'm happy"

And it was weird. But she was.

Did it feel like a Christmast dinner? Non at all.  
But at least it wasn't pure torture like the previous 16 she had.

She had fun.  
With that little girl.  
And with her mother.

It was definitely weird.  
And she was not at all going to question it.


	12. Chapter 12

It was late evening and she had no intention of going out because she was tired as hell. This year the Christmas party wasn't bad but it stil tired her out so as soon as they got back home, she went to her room, took her shoes off and then her clothes followed. She laid on her bed in just bra and panties for a while before she decided the bra was too much so she got up, picked a random extra large t-shirt and put it on.

She felt a whole new level of freedom as soon as her girls were out of jail.

She put the lights out and laid back on the her eyes and rested.

* * *

In her office, Elizabeth was catching up with the work she left behind during the past two days when the doorbell rang. _It's late. Who could ever be?_ she pondered but then pushed the thought away and went back to her paperwork.

Doorbell again.

"Is anyone going to-" she didn't finish the sentence because she remembered that the maid had the week off so she got up herself and walked towards the door "Emily! Are you dead or something?" she yelled to the quiet house and then opened the door.

"Hello Mrs Preniss. I'm- uhm- I'm sorry to be here so late I just-" why was he so nervous? "Is Emily home?"

"Who are you?" Elizabeth asked skeptical.

"Oh! Right!" he took out his hand "I'm Aaron Hotchner, a friend of your daughter's. It's a pleasure to meet you" Emily's mother looked like someone who did not kid. She was uptight and looked as powerful as she was.

"The pleasure is mine, Aaron. Please come in" she let him in "I hope you'll excuse me but I've got some work to do" she told him where Emily's room was "I hope my daughter will be a better host than I was. Either way, make yourself at home" she smiled coldly and left "Excuse me".

Aaron watched her disappear behind a closed door and then looked around. The house was huge and beautiful and definitely rich. He climbed the stairs and arrived outside what he hoped was Emily's room.

He knocked.

"What?" he heard a tired and annoyed voice.

"Uhm, Emily? It's Aaron" he said softly leanind over the door.

Emily shot up straight up. Her eyes wide.

She ran to the door and slightly opened it "Aaron! Hi! What are you doing here?". She hid her body behind the wooden door and only showed her face.

"Uhm, I wanted to show you something. I'm sorry I should have called. I thought it would be nice to-I should have called" he looked embarassed.

"NO! It's fine. You're fine. Just give me two seconds and I'll be right out"

He smiled at her. She closed the door once more and once more, in the last but also first ever two minutes he's been in that house, he's found himself alone in the huge house.

 _It must be really horrible for her._

The house didn't look homey at all, on the contrary it was cold and full of fancy forniture but nothing ever looked so empty to Aaron.

She came out and gave him a shy smile, putting a stand of hair behind her ear "I'm sorry. I was- just- uhm"

He chuckled "I get it don't worry. And again, I'm sorry. I really should have called or asked first"

"Aaron it's fine. It's just that I'm not really used to it"

He nodded and for a couple of seconds they just stood in the rich hallway looking at each then she cleared her throat "You said you wanted to show me something?"

"Oh yes! Yes. Come, let's go" he suddenly looked very excited and he felt even more excited than he did before now that he had a taste of the reality Emily lived in every single day.

She followed him like a shadow "Put your coat on"

"What?"

"Come on. Do it"

She did what she was told and went outside with him. He opened his car's door and took out a box.

"What's that?" She asked hugging her middle to try to shield herself from the cold.

"Come look" he had the biggest smile she had ever seen and even if she was skeptical she got closer to him, never taking her eyes off him in hope he would give something out with a look or an expression but he didn't so when she looked inside the box, she was absolutely, completely and utterly surprised.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed "It's so cute"

Aaron's eyes lit up "It's yours" he said and she looked at him confused and in disbelief "What?" she whispered.

"Merry Christmas Emily" he said in a soft and sweet tone.

They looked at each other in the eyes and she had to bite her lip and look up in order to keep her tears at bay and not smile like an idiot.

"Aaron you didn't have to-this is-"

"I wanted to. JJ hinted to how much time you spent all by yourself and that your mother travels sometimes and I actually surprised myself by remembering that we actually talked about it the night you came to the house so I thought this little cutie here could keep you company"

She couldn't keep the tears anymore and to hide them from him, she reached down into the box and picked up the small kitten, still wrapped up in his purple blanket."Where'd you get-" she checked the kitten's legs "him?"

"At the shelter. They found him at the park with his siblings. He's the only one that survived"

"That's s sad!" she exclaimed cuddling the small cat "Yeah. When I saw him I just knew he was perfect for you"

She looked at him again. "Thank you Aaron" she said hugging him while still holding the cute animal.

She rested her cheek on the shoulder and he touched her back with his hands and suddenly it wasn't winter anymore.  
The warmth the touch of their bodies provided made it a hot spring day.

"I loved the pen" he whispered in her ear and that was her clue to pull back. She gave him a Montblanc with his name engraved on it."Well, someone like you totally needs his cool pen" she said smiling at chuckled and looked at the kitten fast asleep in Emily's arms, against her chest.

"His name is Sergio by the way. At the shelter they said you were free to change it"

"Nha, I like Sergio plus I would naver change his name. It would be weird and confusing"

He nodded, proud of the choice he made.

"Well, I guess I should go" he said awkwardly.

"Actually" she interrupted him "Would you like to come inside? We could have hot chocolate or whatever you want and give this little one some milk"

He smiled. "I'd love that" she said in a whisper and together they walked back inside.

It was easy to talk with him, they made hot chocolate and pop corns and watched Friends. The latter brought on an argument that probably was going to change things between the two of them forever.

"They were on a break!"

"It doens't matter Aaron!" she burst out laughing.

"But they weren't together anymore! It doesn't make sense"

"They weren't completely broken either"

"Yes but she said she needed time"

"And when they tell you they need time, you give them time so that you can mend your relationship and not destroy it beyond repair by sleeping with another girl. If that's what he wanted he should have said "No Rach look. I wanna screw other girls so let's call it off. It's either in or out. Plus, if he really loved her as much as he said he did, he would have never even thought about doing that to her. That's not love."

"Would you be saying those words even if it was the other way around?"

"Of course!"

There was a moment of pause and Emily knew she won the argument. Their eyes went back to the screen when Emily found herself smiling without any particular reason. She looked over to where Aaron was sitting and saw that Hotch was frowning "Are you going to pout and hold a grudge forever?" she threw some popcorns at him.

He gasped faking shock "You did not just do that"

Emily giggled and suddenly saw an evil grin on Aaron's face. He wiggled his finger and before she could run away from him he grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him.

"NO AARON PLEASE!" She laughed out while he tickled her on her sides. She started kicking her legs like crazy and desperatly tried to take his hands off her but the fit of laughter made her movements a lot less smooth and at some point she gave up, totally out of breath.

"Please, please stop it" she had tears in her eyes. He was laughing with her but the tears made him stop.

"I'm gonna have mercy on you" he whispered and reached out to wipe her tears and they got lost into each other's eyes once was laying on the couch and he was sitting beside her, trapping her between his side and legs and the couch.

Their faces were only inches apart and it was just so hard to look away. He got completely lost in the light her eyes were sending out in that could see the laughter in those beautiful orbs and it was too much for him.

 _Beth._

Then why did he want to kiss her if he had Beth?

"I better get going" he said in a tone so low he wasn't sure she bit her lips and sat up "I don't think it's wise to be driving too late" She nodded even if she wanted to tell him to stay.

He would be another bad decision but not for the same reasons Ian was.

But because she was a mess and she really cared about him so she didn't want to mess him up was too. He was too good and too kind to be ruined by her.

"I'll walk you out" she got up and walked ahead of him. He followed a bit behind her and cleared his throat when they arrived at the door.

"Good night Emily" he attempted a smile to which she responded with a similar attempt "Good night Aaron, and...than you again. Truly. I can't even put into words how much this means to me" she put her hands on her heart and let him go.

When she closed the door, she leaned on it and closed her eyes.

 _breathe._

When she opened them again, she hit the door and left. _Damn it._

* * *

She was laying awake in her bed tossing and turning and trying to fall asleep but she couldn't because every time she closed her eyes she saw Aaron's and would get always a little closer to lose her mind.

 _Idiot!_ she though while staring angrily at the ceiling _You were getting better. It was getting better BUT NO! You had to screw up do you always have to screw up?Idiot! Idiot!_ She squeezed her eyes shut and held her face in her hands. She was so done with herself.

 _And they say men can't keep it in their pants._ _What am I? A pregnant horny thirty-something lady?_ She slipped the pillow from under her head and screamed into it. "Screw it" she sat up and threw it across the room. She then looked down at the box that was Sergio's temporary sleeping arrangment and saw the sleeping kitten.

Aaron was right.

He would help.

She felt already better so she picked him up and cuddled him "I'm a mess Sergio" she whispered to him while stroking his black fur.

"And I keep messing things up even more and more" she looked at the sleepy but now awake kitten "It's like...I can't function normally"

"What is wrong with me?" she said in a broken whisper and smiled sadly when he purred "Yeah...you're right. I should probably sleep" she said and got under the covers with Sergio attached to her.

"I could really use that pillow I threw earlier. No chance you're actually a dog that plays fetch uh?" she looked down at the black feline in her arms and chuckled when she saw that he was already sleeping once again "Yeah...I thought so" she closed her eyes and whispered "I wish I could fall asleep that easily too" she said punching the other pillow. She used two and usually the first one was harder than the once she actually slept on.

She gave up and decided she didn't didn't care about the pillow or any mess she's ever done in her life.

She closed her eyes, let all the shit go and fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

"So girls, you said you wanted to talk to me about something important" Mr Rorri sat at his desk. Emily and JJ already sitting in front of him.

"We did" JJ smiled and Emily avoided eye contact. It was early on the first day back, they had requested to see him and he told them to see him 30 minutes before classes started.

He looked at them and just knew that something was wrong with Emily.

He looked at JJ and let her know that he would wait for them to explain. Emily looked up and saw Mr. Rossi's eyes looking gently at her.

"I-" she begun and she felt her heart beat like crazy. She tried to think of what to say but suddenly her mind was emptied and her throat ached, she started breathing heavily and her eyes filled with tears "I'm sorry I can't" she got up and ran out the door, JJ got up to follow her but Mr. Rossi stopped her.

"Let her go"

"She-"

"Trust me" he sat back up and he cleared his throat "So something is clearly wrong"

JJ sighed. "Yeah"

"And I'm happy you reached out for help and I promise I'll do my best but-"

JJ was ready for the "I don't think I can't do much" or something like that.

"I think there's someone that coud actually help you more than me"

"But-"

"Let me finish" he took a deep breath "Did you think about a therapist?"

"Yes, but with her mom and all she didn't think it was best. She doesn't want people to mind their business and personal life. They're already very exposed. It's understandable"

"Totally" he agreed "But she trusts me enough to come to me right?"

JJ nodded trying to understand where he was headed "Then you have to trust me on this"

"I don't think I'm following you"

"I think she doens't feel comfortable speaking to me but apparently I'm the only adult she can go to right now. As the only adult she trusts but she can't really open up to, I think it's better to talk to someone that she feels more comfortable with"

"You mean...a woman?"

"I mean Principal Strauss"

JJ's eye widened "I-"

"Emily trusts me and I obviously trust Principal Strauss so she can trust her too"

"I don't know-"

"Do you see my point?"

"Yes, of course. If she trusts you, she can trust who you trust. It's just that- I don't know-"

"Talk to her about it"

"Maybe you could give it another try or something"

"JJ, I'm not giving up on you. I can try again if you want but I really think it would only be a waste of time. Do you honestly think she'd open up?"

"With most of it..."

"Exactly. Maybe trying with her could make her feel comfortable enough to open up about all of it"

"Do you think she'd be up to it? Principal Strauss I mean"

Rossi smiled "She's tough and strict because of the position she has in the school. She can't be best friends with the students and joke around like I do all the time. But she cares about you and she would never deny help if she was asked"

JJ nodded "I'll talk to her" the more she thought about it, she more she felt like it was a good idea even though she didn't know what Emily was going to think of it and she was scared she was going to fight it and change her mind about the whole thing of speaking with someone and letting an adult help her.

If she decided so, JJ and her friends would still be by her side but she really thought an adult would be of great help and Erin Strauss was also a mother so maybe she really was their best shot.

Rossi smiled at the blonde student "Let me know so we can decide on what to do, whatever her answer is". JJ breathed a sigh of relief because he was telling her that no matter what, he was going to be there for them.

"Thank you Mr. Rossi" she got up and smiled at him to leave.

"JJ?" he stopped her and she turned around "Let her come to you. She'll come. Don't worry"

JJ sighed and gave him a small nod. She left and tried not to search for Emily everywhere around the school. She went on trying not to worry too much but still looked around herself to check if she saw Emily.

No sight of her.

* * *

It was lunch time and still JJ hadn't seen Emily anywehere and now she was meeting everyone at the cafeteria but beforeshe decided to look around and got very worried when she still didn't see Emily. Once at the caferia, she widened her eyes when she saw her fugitive friend at the table speaking with the others.

"JJ! Where have you been?" Derek asked and she shook it off, smiling at them all and then looking at Emily and motioning her that they needed to talk. The brunette gave her a knowing but uncertain smile and nodded that she knew.

"Why did you leave?" she asked while walking out "I didn't-"

"You hella did and I worried the whole morning"

Emily looked at JJ and saw the look of pure concern in her eyes "I'm sorry I just-"

"Emily, I get it. It's your first impulse. To leave and forget all about it but it's me. You can talk to me. You already did. There's no need to run from me"

"I don't want to speak with Mr. Rossi. I mean, I'd love to feel comfortable enough to tell him everything and leave it all behind but I can't. I'm sorry"

JJ took her hand in hers "You have nothing to be sorry for. The first thing we want is for you to feel comfortable so if he's a no then he's a no and I actually wanted to speak you about this other person that might be able to help"

Emily looked interested "Who? I don't know anyone else-"

"You actually do" she smiled "You trust Rossi right?"

"I do. I mean...I guess"

"He said that if you trust him you might trust who he trusts. Does it make sense to you?"

Emily seemed to think about it a bit "Yeah...kinda"

"He suggested we...you speak with Principal Strauss. I know it sounds crazy and it might not make much sense because she's the Principal and she always looks like she has a stick up her ass but think about it. She's his wife. There must be something good about her right? Plus, he would never suggest her if he didn't think she could actually help- please, I know it's like asking you to lean on a dinosaur but-"

"I'll do it"

JJ looked shocked "What?"

"Yeah" she smiled "She's fine. I'll talk to her" she thought about her first day. About the look she had in her eyes when she assured her she was not going to let her mother bend her to her own rules and that she was not going to treat her differently. She thought about the sense of safeness she felt while speaking to her so she felt like there were higher chances she would trust her with hersef...all of it.

"Wow! O-Okay" Emily laughed at JJ's face "You don't look surprised at all"

"Well I knew she was nice to you but I don't know I thought it was just one more reason to actually hate her"

"She was nice in a different way. She was nice because she wanted me to know she wasn't my mother's pawn and not because she was told to be nice to me"

JJ sighed happy for the outcome of that conversation "Good. That's good"

"We'll tell Rossi tomorrow. Now, are you coming over?"

 _Coming over_. JJ's house meant seeing her family. Seeing her family meant seeing Aaron and she didn't want to see him. Not after what had happened. Not seeing him was helping her keeping him out of her toughts and she couldn't let him in again. Not now anyway, there was already enough stuff on her plate and there was no need to add him as well.

"Uhm, why don't you come over?" she held her breath.

The blonde shrugged "Sure"

* * *

They were on Emily's bed watching tv and chatting was cuddling Sergio in her lap when she felt like she was having a heart attack "You know, I think my brother is about to break up with Beth"

"WHAT?" she exclaimed a bit too loudly looking tense.

JJ looked confused and surprised for a moment but then she covered it "I mean, it's not like they actually broke up or he said anything about it but they're fighting a lot"

Emily seemed to relax "JJ, couples fight all the time"

"I know that Em!" she exclaimed "But it's different this time. He sounds...done"

"Done?"

"Yeah like the more they fight the more he gets frustrated with her and he always called her after a fight or something but now he's not. He's just mad all the time. At her but he's been kinda cranky with everyone"

"And he's never done that before?"

"No" JJ looked pensive "I mean. I know they could totally make up and still be together but it feels different this time and I've hoped they broke up since day one but now that they might I feel like a little shit"

Emily felt guilty. She was causing JJ more pain than anything else.

"JJ-"

"I don't like her. I think he deserves so much more and that he could DO so much better but he's upset. That's what bugs me. Not that they're breaking up. Maybe"

"Have you talked to him?"

"Yeah, he said he feels like the sparkle is gone. He doesn't want to spend a lot of time with her anymore. He doesn't have much fun anymore and he realised that they don't laugh together and he said something about Friends"

Emily turned to her friend in a sudden move. Mouth wide open and shock in her eyes.

"What about Friends?"

"He was totally out of him mind. Like, he was delusional. He kept rambling about how it was wrong that she thought it was okay for Ross to sleep with that girl while they were on a break. And that being on a break doesn't mean being broken and giving up. I don't even remember"

Emily had tears in her eyes and did her best to hide them from JJ "He's right" he whispered.

"Yeah I know but that's not the point. He was head over hills in love with her and then he wants to break up with her because Ross slept with a girl while he and Rachel were on a break? It doens't make sense"

Emily chuckled sadly "I'm sure he'll figure it out. I know you might want to kill me after this but if she's the right one for him, he'll know and he'll know if it's worth fighting for her or not"

JJ nodded "I know...I just wish he didn't treat me like shit"

"He's still home?"

She sighed a "Yes, he's leaving in two days"

Emily bumped her shoulder "He'll probably come to you before he leaves apologizing for being an ass" she smiled and JJ did too. "He better"

* * *

That night, when Emily went to sleep she decided to allow herself to think about the good time she had with Aaron without trying to push it aside, without fighting the warmth that spread through her body everytime she thought about his sweet eyes and reassuring smile. She decided to just enjoy and give in.

She hugged Sergio to her chest and focused on the fact that wanting to feel was not bad. Whatever it was, bad or good feelings, hiding them was not the solution so she focused of the hope of healing and getting better. She thought about her friends and the strong support system they were being for her and for the first time in forever she fell asleep feeling peaceful.

Feeling was starting to be a good thing.


	14. Chapter 14

When Erin went back home she saw her husband sitting on the couch sipping wine she knew it meant he was thinking and pondering things. She took her coat off, put her purse down and walked over where he was"Uh-uh" she said in a worried tone kissing his cheek and wrapping her arm around his shoulders from behind. He turned his neck towards her and smiled "How was today?" he said in a soft tone "It was hell, like any other day" she said walking around the couch to sit next to her husband. Once his arm was around her and she was comfortably resting against him, he chuckled.

"What?" she turned a little to face him  
"I was just thinking that I watch you switch from Principal Strauss to Erin every single day and I don't know what I did to be this lucky"

"You feel lucky to see me switch personalities?" she raised her brows. He sipped his wine "I feel lucky to know Erin"

"David, is something wrong?" she asked when she saw him become serious. He took a deep breath and attempted a smile.

"We need to talk" he put the glass of wine on the table and then proceeded to take her hand in his to stroke its back gently "Dave, honey, you're scaring me" she put her hand on his cheek and he moved his head to the side to kiss her palm.

"What have you done?" she chuckled "I swear if you cheated on me-"

"Ehy!" he laughed "Why do you assume I cheated?"

"I come home and you're here drinking wine, which means you're thinking way too much but you look troubled so I can only assure that all the thinking is about something bad. And as if it wasn't enough, you tell me you need to talk to me. You either did something or one of he kids-oh my god. What did they do? Why are you covering for them? Dave-" she stood up and he had to force her back on the couch to make her stay still "Erin" he chuckled "Calm down. I didn't do anything and neither did the kids. We'll talk about your lack of trust later" he joked "It's about the girls that called. You remember?"

"Oh, the ones that called during Christmas break?" she frowned but took a deep breath because at least she didn't have to kill her husband or her kids.

"Them" he nodded "It's Emily Prentiss" he whispered.

"Oh" she waited for him to explain.

"I saw her and her friend, Jennifer Jareau, yesterday. Emily needs someone to talk to and help her deal with some things. She can't with her mother because she doesn't trust her and at the same time she can't let people she doesn't know mind her family private business"

"I understand, of course" she said and he smiled when he saw that she was frowning to stay focused on his words.

"They came to me because JJ-"

"JJ?"

"Jennifer...Jareau. Jennifer-"

"Right, go on"

"She suggested she talked to me because I pretty much was her only option so they called and you know what happened. I saw them yesterday because she was supposed to tell me what was going on but she flew out the room before she could go past _I_ "

"I spoke to Jareau and told her to speak to Emily about you"

"Me?"

"Yes you" he patted her hand.

"Why me?"

"Because I only looked at her for like three seconds and it was clear she felt uncomfortable because I'm a man. So I thought she could feel more at ease with a woman but at the same time she trusts me and doesn't want to deal with strangers so I thought maybe she could still trust someone I trust"

She nodded "Makes sense"

"I know right?"

"Yes"

"So, Jennifer talked to Emily and Emily came to me this morning telling me that she would be happy to talk to you"

Erin looked surprised "What? Really?"

"Why do you sound so surprised?"

"Because well, you're the one that they like. I'm the Principal that punishes them and I'm totally okay with that. It's my job. I was just- surprised. I'll talk to her. Of course"

He smiled and pulled her close "I'll send her to you during my class"

She nodded against his chest and sighed "I'm actually glad I dont have to kill you"

He chuckled "Imagine me"

"Dragging your dead body would have been way too tiring" she patted his stomach.

"Ehy woman. Don't wound a man's pride like that" he took her hand off of him and she laughed looking up at him "Also, I'm used to having you around"

"You cook way to good to get rid of you"

"Are you ever going to just say a compliment and end it there?"

"No, probably no"

The last thing that was heard before a long, comforting silence was Dave's chuckle.

He was stroking her back and kissing her head from time to time and Erin was enjoying the relaxing touch of her husband and silence when she finally broke it with her eyes still closed "She got angry with me"

"Mh?"

"Emily. When I first met her and told her that I didn't have to speak with her mother because I already did on the phone, she got cold and angry because she assumed I was being nice to her just because her mother told me so and that she was pulling some strings you know?"

"Mhmh"

"But she didn't say anything about it. I just knew it and she was surprised I actually understood what was going on when I told her what we said to each other"

"Was she still mad after that?"

"No"

"Then I guess you're off to a good start, no?"

"I guess"

He kissed her forehead and she leaned more into him.

* * *

Erin Strauss' attention was taken away from her papers when she heard a knock on her office's door.

"Come in" she said and took her glasses of.

She saw a brunette come in with a small, shy smile on her face.

"Good morning" she said in a timid whisper. Erin smiled and invited her to sit down. Emily walked further in the room and sat in the chair in front of the desk.

"So" Erin interweaved her fingers and put them in front of her on the desk "Mr. Rossi told me about the meeting you had and I'm glad to help however I can"

Emily got inside the room very hopeful and actually happy to finally have this conversation. JJ was amazing but they both knew there was only so much she could do.  
And asking her to do even more was just unfair.

"I-" she suddenly was very nervous and the more she saw she could not speak or find anything to say, the more frustrated she became "I don't even know why I'm here, honestly"

Erin looked at the tall girl in front of her that suddenly looked very small "Because there's something troubling you"

Emily shook her head and bit her lips "And I don't even know why you're doing this"

Erin took a moment to answer. Why was she doing it? Why exactly was she there? Why did she even agreed to this?She looked her in the eye and smiled.  
The principal had her answer.

"Because, you don't know it and probably Da-Mr. Rossi didn't even think about it, but I understand you more than you can imagine"

Emily looked confused but also interested. Erin cleared her throat "I was the child of a very rich family. My father was always working and my mother was always preparing things, attending events and all kinds of boring stuff and somehow, at some point, I fell in the background. When you're a small kid, they worry more about you because your troubles are more visible, you can't really hide them. But then you become a teenager, you learn to hide your feelings. You become a better liar so you stop saying and they stop asking"

Erin saw how much Emily's expression was softening and sighed before going on "I took it with me until my twenties. The problem imploded then. I went through a bad break up-" she took her eyes away letting herself feeling embarassed for just a split second "I'm sure you know the story" she chuckled because she knew her husband told their story even if he thought she didn't know.

"And that pain, brought back all the old pains. That kind of loneliness brought back all my old loneliness. The feeling of being abandoned, well...same old friend" she took a deep breath "So, one night, my friend asked me to go out for drinks. I drank a little bit too much and for the first time since I had my heart broken all over again, I felt good"

Emily looked definitely wasn't expecting that.

"You start with a drink, and then it's another and then it's a bottle and then you have your secret stash of alchol hidden somewhere" her voice crooked but she kept going on "It was a slow process but at some point it really got out of hand. I thought I had it under control also because during those 20 years, I built my own family and thought I was happy but when I divorced from my husband and found myself drunk beyond sanity, I realised I hit rock bottom"

Emily had tears in her eyes "Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm telling you this because I want you to know why I'm doing this. Why I'm helping you" she whispered "I knew it was the last straw and there was nothing more I could do. Except getting help. When I reunited with Mr. Rossi, I was already on the road to recovery...alone. I was trying by myself and I struggled so when I realised that I wasn't alone anymore, I leaned on who I trusted and I healed" she smiled at the young girl "I've been clean since then. I mean, I have a glass of wine now and then but it's different" she paused "not only because I'm literally controlled" she chuckled "But also because I don't see it like an escape anymore. I don't need to escape anymore"

"So, Emily" she sighed "I guess honesty, right now, is the base of what we're going to do. You want to know why I'm doing it? I didn't know until now. I said yes because my husband asked me and I didn't really question it. Because, how can you say no when someone asks for help? I said yes because you needed help and you asked for it. But now, I know" she smiled "I said yes because I know how it feels. I know how much it hurts. I said yes because I see myself in you and I know that it gets better so whatever happened to you, you can get better as well"

Emily wiped away her tears and nodded "It's just so confusing. I don't understand how I feel most of the times. I get angry and I hate it so much that I feel like losing my mind" she was trying to control her tears "And I feel like I'm constantly fighting with myself but I never win and I don't know how to feel normally anymore" she cried "Or...face things. I run. From everything" she lowered her gaze.

"You're not running right now. What happened? What made you come back?"

Emily cleared her thorat "I-" she didn't want to say it. She realised that telling JJ was so much easier. Adults might help more but they also made everything more awkward.

"I don't even know where to start" she looked at her hands "Try with the changing event"

"What?"

"What changed things for me was the break up" she started "That's how it all started. What changed things for you?"

Emily took a deep breath and avoided Principal's Strauss eyes "I had-" the words died in her throat "I had an abortion" she mumbled.

"I'm sorry?"

"Look I don't need you to judge me" she got up immediatly and started walking away "This is stupid. I'm leaving"

"Emily!" she exclaimed "I only asked because I didn't understand"

Emily turned around slowly "What?" she whispered.

"I didn't hear what you said. You mumbled it. I would never judge you and I will not do that when you tell me what happened. I understand that you're scared. I was too when I told you my biggest secret but-"

"I'm sorry. I-" Emily sat back down "I'm sorry"

"It's okay" Erin gave her an encouraging smile "If you're not ready to tell me it's okay we can-"

"I had an abortion" she said loud and clear this time. Erin's voice died.

"I was in Italy. I was scared of not fitting in and finding myself alone so I slept with a guy and got pregnant. Before I could even register what had happened, it was gone. I thought I had it under control and I had a friend who stood my be the whole time. But when we moved here I was left alone with what I did and I lost my only true friend I'd ever had which made everything ten thousand times worse. I felt like I was in way too much pain so I started escaping it. I was angry with my mother and with everyone and I thought I was doing a good job at hiding it. At escaping it. "

"Did you, I don't know...do drugs or things like that?"

"I- I mean" she sighed _Jeez. This is hell_ "I smoke weed before" she looked embarassed and she knew it was only going to get worse "But no. I didn't start doing drugs. I mean...okay weed is drugs but I wasn't addicted or anything. It was just for the same reason. To fit it"

"I don't even know which one is worse" she whispered, more to herself than to the woman in front of her who still heard the words.

"I met my friends and they were nice since day one and I got scared. Because I lost a friend already and I was scared of going through that again. I didn't want to get attached because I was going to have to leave again and get hurt all over again so I chose something that could make me feel like I was feeling something without actually feeling anything. Something that could make me feel like I had someone but not get hurt when I lost them"

Erin nodded. It made incredible sense, even if it was a bad kind of sense.

"I chose Ian Doyle"

Erin didn't need to hear more. She understood it all. She knew what happened.

"Did he-"

"No. I mean, JJ says that he should have stopped but-"

"It's okay" said Erin when she saw more tears fall from the girl's eyes "This is twisted but I don't blame him. He didn't do anything I didn't want him to do. I told him to stop at the beginning and he didn't"

Erin closed her eyes for a moment "But then I panicked"

"I didn't want him to stop. Because if he stopped it would have meant that I was going to lose him and I needed him. I needed him in order to fool myself that I was doing the right thing, that I wasn't avoiding feelings, that I had someone"

"But something must have happened if you're here. Right?"

"The day"She took a deep breath "It happened on my- uhm- on what was supposed to be my due date"

"That was my breaking point I guess. After-after we were-d-done, I told him to leave and he did. He didn't even get mad or anything. He left. He was confused probably and thought I was freaking out but he was never aggressive or possessive. I don't want people to think I was raped or something and I don't want them to blame him because he really didn't do anything wrong. I didn't want it but I needed it so I didn't fight it. If I did, I'm sure he would have stopped. He's a guy. Guy never really stop when you ask them at first but like if you really want them to stop, they do. I'm sure he would have stopped if I fought. I didn't because I didn't want to. Ian might be a lot of things but he didn't rape me"

"I believe you if you tell me he didn't"

"I freaked out because I realised how messed up I was. How much I was willing to destroy myself just to avoid being happy. I went to my friend's house and I guess the rest is history" she shrugged.

It was more than Erin ever imagined it would be. She looked at Emily and the only thing she could think of was how strong she was.

"I would be very proud of you if I were your mother" Erin whispered and Emily laughed wiping her tears "She doesn't know anything"

"I know. But if she did, she would see how strong you are. You fell apart and found the strenght to pick up the pieces and ask for help to get them back together. You're fighting because you are afraid of being happy but that's what you want most so you're willing to fight with all you have to overcome that fear. I would be very proud"

Emily smiled and looked up at Erin Strauss who had a very soft look in her eyes. "So what do I do now?"

"You lean on who you trust"

"I'm scared. I mean, I know I did that with JJ and now with you but-"

"But telling your story is all you did and whatever happens you keep running"

"When I talked to Mr. Rossi I ran away before we could say anything. At all. And JJ spent the whole day looking for me and I spent the whole day running from her because I didn't want to talk about it or hear what she had to say. And she told me but I just...I feel like I can't breathe. My chest tightens and I can't breathe"

"Does it ever happen in other occasions?"

"Sometimes. Not very often but I get nervous a lot. Sometimes I let it out with anger, sometimes I just-"

"You could call someone and talk to them when it happens. Tell them how you feel, what crossed your mind in that moment that upset you that much. It's painful sometimes but at the end of the day, it helps putting the pieces together instead of destroying you all over again"

"I never had someone to talk to in those moments. And the only time I did, I ended up being completely destroyed"

"Well, it means that now you can only build up, no?"

"I guess"

"Call me"

"What?"

"Call me when it happens"

"But-"

"I know that if I asked to tell your friends about it you would say yes but then wouldn't do that because you're scared you're going to become a burden to them so...call me"

"Don't you have a life or something?"

Erin laughed "A phone call won't kill me or anyone else. Especially not you"

"How do you understand so much?"

"I'm a mother of three and a teacher. Or at least I was a teacher before I became Principal but I told you, I was you"

"Well, in my experience being a mother doesn't necessarily mean understanding"

"In mine it does. So I guess you're lucky"

Emily smiled "Also Emily, I really would like it if you focused more on school"

"Okay this is too momish"

Erin laughed "What I'm trying to say is that you're capble of doing so much more than you are doing right now. I know it's hard and you don't have to do it all now but maybe you can start working on it and it can also help you feel better"

"I like maths"

"See? Focusing on the things you like and you want is where you're supposed to start from. Start from there and from your friends and slowly every piece will go back to its place"

"You really think so?"

Erin took the young girl's hands in hers "I know so". Slowly a smile creeped on Emily's face and Erin winked at her.

The bell ringed and they both looked a bit startled "I gotta-"

"Call me if you need anything and if anything- anything at all happens. Okay?"

Emily slowly nodded "Thank you" she said with tears in her eyes and a broken voice.

Erin smiled at her "Hurry up or you'll be late for class".

Emily got out of that office with the biggest smile she'd done in years.


	15. Chapter 15

It was April and Emily was doing so much better.  
She finally felt like she had a solid ground to walk on and not like it was about to crumble any time soon.  
She had strong friendships and she knew that whatever happened, she could ask for help to Principal Erin Strauss if she felt like she couldn't talk to her mom or anyone else.  
She now knew how much she had and never once in her life she's been more scared to lose it all.  
This time around, she really had something to lose.  
It wasn't simple people she met and talked to.

They were friends.  
They were her people.  
They knew about her. All of it.  
And she knew about them. All of it.

They built a true relationship and became the family Emily never felt like she had.

So now she was more scared than ever but she made progress with handling the fear. That's what the healing process was about. She was working hard not to let fear paralise her life completely and prevent her from living.  
She was working hard to enjoy life one day at the time and it was working quite well.  
Her friends helped.  
Erin Strauss helped.  
They didn't talk that much anymore. In the beginning she leant on her a lot but now it was more about knowing that she was there. It was enough for her and she was never going to be able to explain how grateful she was.

The Principal trusted her with personal things to let her know that she could trust her back.  
She was patient and never judgmental.  
She felt like that was how talking to your mother should be and feel like.  
Erin held her when she cried and pushed back when Emily punched.  
She never once gave up on her or showed she wanted to.

Emily was still battling her demonds and she knew it was going to take more than that to be finally free of them.  
For now she was learning to live with them.  
And it was okay.

One night, while watching a movie over her house, suddenly she found herself telling all her friends her story.  
It wasn't planned.  
It was natural.

They were talking and then one thing led to another and questions were asked, answers were given and the story got told.  
Once again.

She felt like she had got a weight off her chest. She didn't feel like she was lying to them anymore and she also knew just how much they cared about her.

They stayed.  
No matter what she did.  
No matter the awful things she did.

They all hugged her and told her it was okay.  
Except for Derek.  
He got upset and excused himself to leave the room.

The brunette watched him get up and get out of the room like it was on fire and she couldn't help but think that he was mad at her. For the first time since she had talked and opened up she felt like maybe she shouldn't have. Like maybe no one wanted to be there for her after this.  
But it was all about facing problems and not running away from them, right?  
She wanted to disappear and never look at him in the eyes, afraid of finding hatred and disgust in them, but she took a deep breath and followed him outside.  
With a racing heart and a knot in her stomach, the young girl went to the yard and found her dear friend staring into nothing. She was ready for the shouting and the anger.  
The hate.  
But what she found when she got a better look at him was totally unexpected.  
He looked _sad_ and he had tears in his eyes

"Derek, are you okay?" he jumped a little but didn't answer just yet.

"I-" he was at loss of words "I don't know Emily. And-"

She sat next to him and lowered her head.  
After a deep breath she closed her eyes and asked the question she was most scared of "Are you mad at me?" her voice marely a whisper.

"You couldn't be more wrong" he chuckled and she looked at him confused "Really?"

"How could I be angry with you?"

"Duh, many reasons but okay, if you're not angry with me then what's wrong?"

"I don't know I just, I don't even know if I'm allowed to feel that way because it was you who went through all that and not me, but it just got to me"

"It's okay. I mean, I know hearing it wasn't a walk on the beach"

"I bet going through it wasn't either"

Emily smiled sadly. His eyes were filled with sadness Emily could barely understand but still appreciated in a way.  
They were sitting on the ground. His elbows on his knees and his hands joint together.  
She took her time to look at him. She never wanted to forget this moment.  
A smile was thrown his way "It got better"

"Yeah?"

"Definitely" she took his hand in hers and squeezed it "Can I hug you?" she asked and he didn't even answer. He just pulled her into him and held her tight.  
"Derek, I'm okay"

He nodded on her shoulder "I know. I know" he said in a low tone to convince himself.

"Can I ask you something?" he said while pulling back "Shoot"

"Have you ever- I mean...Were you ever-" he got frustrated "Shit how do you even say something like that?" she chuckled and answered without letting him finish his question because she knew what he wanted to know.

"Never once" she affirmed.

"My reaction to all that crap was escaping for the longest time but then when I broke I didn't feel like I wanted to end it in the bad way. I felt like I wanted to shake it up. To change it. Change _me_. I wanted it to end so that I could live not die. It was killing me and I broke and realised that so I fought back to save myself and not let it end me"

Derek nodded, letting his friend's words sink in "I'm sorry I reacted that way"

"It's okay. Everyone reacts to things in their own way. Spencer once told me that you have quite the protective side and I saw that in you now. You got angry because of it. You get angry when you feel like you're helpless and can't protect the people you love. I'll admit that I thought you were pissed at me but now I know that you just love me" she bumped his shoulder and he laughed a little at her playfulness.

"You okay?" her tone was serious again.

He nodded, got up and held out his hands for her to take and get up "Let's get back inside or they'll think I punched a wall and broke something"

She chuckled and took the arm he offered her.

"THANK JESUS" Penelope breathed a sigh of relief when they walked back inside with smiles on their faces. She then slapped Morgan on the arm "What is wrong with you? Why would you do something like that? We thought you ran away to kill someone or something-"

"Ehy Baby Girl cut it out! Stop!" he said grabbind her wrists to stop her. Emily was now sitting between JJ and Spencer and had her hand on Spencer knee to reassure him that she was okay. "Princess can you tell her I didn't kill nobody?"

"Everyone's alive PG. You can calm down" she chuckled.

"I told you it wasn't that kind of anger " Spencer chimed in very proudly.

"Whatever" she crossed her arms and went to sit down. Morgan laughed and sat next to her to annoy her until she forgave her.

"Is everything alright?" JJ asked to everyone and they all nodded.

"It is" Emily said and smiles were exchanged.

* * *

"Okay guys, I need to go" JJ got up a couple of hours later "Aaron's coming back and we're having family dinner"  
Emily looked at her when she mentioned her brother and then tried to keep it cool.

"How long is he staying?" Emily was so glad Spencer asked because if he didn't she wouldn't have asked so she wouldn't have known and she really really wanted to know.

"For Spring Break and some more I think. He broke up with Beth so there's no hurry in going back and he said he wanted to spend some more time with family and friends"

Emily Prentiss was not the kind of person that was glad about breaking ups.  
She wasn't.  
Usually.  
She didn't enjoy seeing other people in pain.

"Ow, how is he doing?" Penelope asked.

"Ah no he's totally fine. He told me it was the right thing to do because he didn't love her anymore and he was pretty sure she didn't either so they were basically being together out of habit. He's fine"

But hearing about that particular break up, for some reason, made her smile.  
She lowered her head and bit her lip to hide the smile.

She didn't want to.  
She really didn't want to feel happy about it.  
She didn't want to feel the butterflies in the stomach whenever he was mentioned.  
But it was all about stopping avoiding feeling right?  
So she wasn't going to fight it.  
Being with him, problaly.  
But having feelings for him? Nope.

She didn't know what feelings she had yet. She just liked him because he made her laugh and he was handsome. And he got her Sergio so she was never alone.  
He was sweet.  
She liked that.

"Free bird again" Derek laughed knowingly "Oh shut up" Garcia slapped him again.

"Stop slapping me?"

"Not my fault I want to touch your perfectly sculpted body all the time, hot stuff"

They all laughed "I'll go"

"I'm walking you out" Emily got up and followed JJ.

"Tell boss man he better visit us" Penelope yelled from the opposide side of the room.

JJ chuckled and told her she would. "So..." JJ said when they were at the door.  
She had a weird smile on her face.

"What?"

"Are you gonna tell him?"

"Tell who what?" Emily was on full freaking out mode right now. How the hell did she know? She couldn't. It was still a mess. She was still a mess. She was going to deny it until the end of times.

"Come on Emily. Don't play dumb with me. I've known since the night you came home"

"I really don't know what you're talking about"

"You cried you life out and when he got inside you lit up and smiled and your mood changed completely but genuinely. You weren't hiding or anything. You got him that expensive pen for Christmas and he got you Sergio and then you went from talking and laughing and spending time together to avoiding him completely. You felt embarassed when I told you he was having troubles with Beth and that Friends thing? Someone changed his mind and it wasn't me even if I tried a thousand times. He was always asking me about you and then stopped all of a sudden. Something clearly happened or at least is going on. Oh and don't even get me started on the way you shamelessly smiled when I said he definitely and finally broke up with Beth"

Emily was speechless. She thought she was subtle but apparently she wasn't. JJ had just made a list. Literally.  
She was embarassed.  
 _SO_ embarassed.

What could she ever say now?  
What the hell was she going to do?

"Oh jeez. I think I broke you" JJ waved a hand in front of her petrified eyes and brust out laughing when she had no reaction. "Okay cool. I'll go. But we're not done" she got out the house and left Emily shocked and still paralised in the same spot.

"SHIT" she exclaimed frustrated and stomped back in the living room to her friends.

"What took so long?" Spencer asked worried that something might have happened.

"When I figure it out you'll be the first ones to know"  
She plopped down on the couch and tried to enjoy the rest of the evening.

* * *

"I'm home. I'm sorry I'm late. I'm sorry" JJ yelled through the house and ran in her brother's arms who chuckled "I'll try my best to forgive you" he joked.

"Jennifer, Aaron dinner will be ready in 30"

"Thanks mom" they both said walking upstairs to catch up "So, where were you?" he asked. JJ smiled because now was definitely a good moment "At Emily's" she was very careful to see his reaction.

"Oh" he sounded surprised and for a moment he looked uncomfortable "How is she?"

"Why don't you ask her?"

"I'm asking you"

"And I heard you. But you could ask her"

"But you're here now. She's not"

"So if she was here you'd ask her"

"JJ-"

"Come on Aaron. Do you think I'm stupid?"

He looked down and sighed "You two might be but I'm not. Will you tell me what happened?"

"Nothing happened"

"So you go from hanging out and being frinds to ignoring one another just like that"

"Sometimes it happens"

"Yeah, sometimes it happens. But not this time. This time something else and very specific happened and I don't understand why you didn't tell me and why she didn't either. You're my brother and she's my best friend and none of you ever tells me anything"

"She's your best friend?"

JJ yelled at his brother "Yes Aaron. She is! I saw pieces of her all over th floor and I saw her pick them up and put themselves together again. I was there. I saw it and I'm sorry if I worry about her. She's like-"

"She's like what?"

"Nothing"

"Oh so now who's the one who doens't say shit?"

"It's like having a sister again" she mumbled.

Aaron softened "JJ-"

"No. Don't. Just tell me what the hell happened. Because you know what? I worry about her more than anything else because she's better. She's better Aaron but it's a goddamn hard fight and I don't want her to break all over again. And I also don't want to see you hurt so I want to know what is going on because this is making me crazy. You hurt her? She hurt you? What happened?"

"No. No JJ calm down" he pulled her in his arms and waited for her to calm down a little.

"Nothing like that. We just-" he sighed.

"Please"

"When I got her Sergio something changed. We were talking about Ross and Rachel and then I startet tickling her and we were having fun until she was basically in my lap and our faces were inches apart"

"You kissed?"

"No. I was with Beth and she was- you know..."

"Yeah"

"So after that we just ignored each other because it was the right thing to do. Being far away from one another"

"But why? I mean, if you like her and she likes you"

"I was with Beth"

"But you're not anymore"

"I know" he smiled a little and JJ was confused. Then it hit her and she widened her eyes and a grin broke in her face. "You're going to tell her?"

"I'll at least talk again and see what happens"

JJ nodded and they sat in silence "So" he begun "She's doing better?" he asked and she smiled "Yeah"

"And...you're okay with me liking her?"

She smiled even more "I am. She's amazing. Simply amazing. And more importantly she deserves to be happy. To be with someone that proves her that she's important and worthy of love and attention. She deserves to be someone's first choice and I wouldn't approve of anyone more than I approve of you. Also because I think she can make you as happy as you deserve. I know you cared about Beth and everything but-"

"I know" he kissed her head and felt oh so grateful to have his little sister. She was a force to be reckon with and she admired her a lot.

"A sister uh?"

"Yeah. We do a lot of things together and we talk a lot. I mean, she tells me everything except that she likes you" she said dramatically "I'm working on it though"

"Kids! Dinner's ready"


	16. Chapter 16

Emily was doing her maths homework when she heard the doorbell.  
She was trying very hard to do better in school. Strauss' speech still rang in her mind every day. She believed in her and for the frist time it wasn't for her name.  
The Principal didn't believe in her because that's what she had to do since she had a powerful name.  
She believed in her basing on what she saw in her.  
Basing on her true potential and she didn't want to let her down.

She had always liked school and learning. She liked psychology and philosophy, languages and maths.  
She was interested in knowing and now she had a very good reason to believe in herself.

She wanted to get up but knew that Elvira would have got it.  
Elvira was her mother's maid. She followed them anywhere and she didn't really like Emily. She thought the young girl was spoiled and didn't appreciate what she had.  
Emily didn't like Elvira.  
She thought she was judgmental and critical without knowing people.  
But her mother liked her because she was faithful and hard working.  
It didn't matter that she was annoying.  
And all the traveling was never a problem for her so _jackpot.  
_  
"Ehy" she jumped when she heard his voice. The moment it hit her ears she forgot how to function. She turned around very clumsly "Aaron!Crap!" she dropped some of her stuff on the ground. She quickly picked it up and tried to get a grip of herself "Hi!".  
He smiled adoringly at the scene in front of him. She was so cute he really didn't know how he was going to away from her.

"Uhm, a lady let me in and she said I'd find you here" he said pointing behind his back "Yep" she said putting her hands in the backpockets of her jeans.

"Am I disturbing you? I feel like I don't have the best timing when it comes to visiting you"

"No absolutely!" she said, not wanting him to say that he could leave "It's-it's nothing important" she said looking at the books and then walking towards him "Uhm, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you" he said biting his lip suddenly nervous.

"Oh" she was definitely surprised. _I didn't know we were talking.  
_  
"But it can wait. Where's Sergio? I haven't seen that little guy in so long" she smiled at his words. She loved how he cared about the kitten he got her. She felt like he was as much of Sergio's father as she was his mother.

"I think he's in the garden. I've been letting him out more lately because it's warmer. Come with me" she walked past him and went outside in the backyard to look for the cat.

"He usually hangs around here" she said entering the small toolshed in the corner of the yard "I guess he doesn't really like going outside as much as I think he does" they both chuckled.

"Sergio?" she called him and they walked around. "Sergio!"

"Uhm, I think I've found him" he said from the opposite side "Them, actually" she walked over and remained absolutely shocked when she saw Sergio next to a stray cat that was feeding "Four, five, six,seven-Eight kittens!" Aaron exclaimed "You got your paws full Sergio"

"Oh my god! My cat has a girlfriend and a million kittens!" she yelled excitely and kneeled down to look at the small adorable puppies "Do you think I should bring them to the vet?"

"I'm not sure actually. They seem fine"

She was beaming "They do. Garcia is going to steal them all"

"Guess he's been having fun. Good job Serg!" Aaron chuckled and she slapped him gently on the shoulder but with a smile from ear to ear.  
He kneeled down and patted Sergio on the head and he immediatly leaned on his touch, asking for more cuddles.

Emily was more concerned with the kittens and their mama right now "What do I do?"

"I can take you to the vet if you want"

"You would do that?"

"Of course. Come on, I'll help you" they decided to ignore the huge elephant in the room and act like nothing happened and they never ignored each other after their almost kiss.

After going to the vet and making sure that they were all good an healthy, Aaron stopped by at the grocery store. "Wait up" he quickly got out of the car and came back a couple of minutes later with a big box in his arms.  
It wasn't huge but it was big enough to fit them all comfortably.  
In that moment Emily couldn't help but think she fell for him a little more.

Once home, they put a few blankets in the box and made sure Sergio and his _baby mama_ had enough food and water "I feel guilty bringing him back inside now"

"He'll be fine" he smiled at her and she offered him to go inside with her "You still have to talk to me about that something" he nodded and they silently walked back inside.  
He sat in the living room and waited for her while she got their soda and snacks "Here it is" she said putting them on the coffee table "So...what it is?"

He looked nervous and like he was trying to come up with something to say, to find the words "Uhm-"

"I really don't know how to say this"

She gave him an incouraging smile and put her hand on his "It's okay, it's me. You've got nothing to worry about"

"Are-" he stopped and took a deep breath "Are we okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on Emily. You know what I mean"

She sighed "Look Aaron, what happened-well...what didn't happen,didn't happen and it's a good thing it didn't. Do I think we went about it the wrong way? Yes. Do I think it was stupid? Yes. Do I want this to ruin our friendship? No. That's not what I wanted. I never wanted it and I'm glad you came today. I-" she stopped and looked down.

"You what?" he said softly looking at the other end of the couch where she was sitting "I missed you" she mumbled "But I'm always too stupid to make the first step so I'm just glad you did it"

"I'm glad too" he said and kept looking at her and how beautiful she was "And I missed you too" this made her smile from ear to ear. The most beautiful smile he knew and he absolutely loved how she bit her lip to hide it.

 _She should never hide it_ he thought.

"So...you think it would have been a mistake?" he said after some time they spent in silence. She licked her lips because she was about to lie straight to his face and it was making her nervous.

"I do"

"Look at me in the eyes and promise me you think it was a mistake. Not doing it. Not kissing each other"

She sighed defeated "Aaron, you were with Beth. And I was a mess. Not doing it-not...kissing...was the right thing to do. I still think so"

"I'm not with her anymore"

"But I'm still a mess"

"I don't care."

She shook her head on the edge of tears "Aaron please don't"

"Emily-"

"No Aaron. Please. Don't say anything else. Don't make it ugly. Don't make it- more painful than it already is. I-" she closed her eyes for a moment and then scooted closer to him.  
She put her hands on his cheeks and looked him in the eyes "This isn't easy for me but-" she whispered "I beg you. I'm begging you to try to understand where I'm coming from. I'm not ready for this. I'd love nothing more but I'm not ready. I know I am not and if I do this while I'm not ready, not only it could definitely destroy me, but it could destroy our chance before we really get to have one. If it's meant to be...it will be when timing is right. If it's not, I really really hope with all my heart that you can find your happiness because you're amazing and you deserve everything in this world. Do you understand what I mean?" she said almost on his lips.

He nodded slowly in her hands and then rested his forehead on hers. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the closeness.  
A tear wet her lips. She wasn't sure it was hers.  
He still reached up with his hand and gently brushed his fingertips on her lips to wipe away the tear. She opened her eyes and looked up in his eyes. It was definitely his tears.  
She wiped his cheeks and smiled at him "Don't cry" she whispered "Look at me" she cupped his cheeks and caressed them gently "I need to know you understand"

"I do" he said after a while and smiled sadly back at her "And I'm not mad" he chuckled a bit at the reaction she had "I know you better than you think. I'm surprised too sometimes"

They both stayed in silence and breathed in and out to calm themselves. He then took her hand and gained her attention once more "I understand. I support you. I fully support you and I hope we can be friends"

"Of course we-"

"By friends I mean...talking to each other and being there for each other. I want you to come to be if you have a bad day and-"

"I know. I get it. I want to be friends"

He nodded and she squeezed his hands. "I'll go" he said getting up. She followed him and walked him to the door "Thank you" she said in a soft whisper and hugged him. He stroked her back and kissed her head.

"I can stop by with the guys to see the kittens maybe?"

"Of course. Of course! Anytime. Also because you need to help me decide what to do" he nodded and then left.  
She looked him go and knew that in that moment he took a piece of her heart with him and she didn't knew if she was going to ever get it back.

* * *

She knocked on the door of the Principal Office and smiled but still looked confused because she had no idea why she was there.

"Good morning" she said politely. Erin Strauss knew her deepest secrets and she had held her like a mother would but she was still the Principal so Emily wasn't going to milk it.

Erin smiled and told her to come in.

"Is something wrong? Have I done something?" she said worringly.

"No. Absolutely. You haven't done anything and nothing is wrong. I just wanted to talk"

"Oh"

Erin chuckled "How are you doing? We haven't talked in a while"

"I'm- fine" she said.

"Fine?" Erin raised her brows and Emily looked up _Of course she didn't buy it_ "Are you certain?"

Emily sighed "It's stupid. I'm fine. Really. Can I go? Becau-"

"Emily" Erin stopped her firmly and then said in a softer tone "What happened?"

"Nothing, I promise-"

"Emily"

Emily sighed and leaned back on the chair crossing her arms. She couldn't believe she felt embarassed after all she's told her. _WTF Emily? You told her you screwed guys and you can't tell her that you're moody because you're heartbroken?_

"Ikindabrokeupwithaguy" she mumbled

"Sorry, what was that?"

She sighed dramatically "Oh, drama queen. I see"

"I said" she said laudly "That I kinda broke up with a guy" this time she lowered her voice.

"Kinda?"

Emily rolled her eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me"

"Sorry. I'm sorry" she suddenly remembered who she had in front of her and sat more decently on the chair "I'm so sorry. I don't-I'm sorry"

"Emily, calm down. Stop apologising and tell me what happened"

Another sigh.  
Erin tried to hide her smile.

"I-" still a sigh "The day after Christmas, Aaron, JJ's brother, came to my house with a cat telling me that he could keep me company when I was alone. And then one thing led to another and we-uhm- we almost kissed. Then he left and never talked again untill a week ago. JJ told me he had broken up with his girlfriend and I was happy about it but like- I don't even know why. Anyways, he then came to my house telling me that he wanted to talk to me. But my cat became a father of a billion kittens so we got distracted and it was so fun and I felt so good. I really had a great time with him until we actually talked about what he wanted to tell me. Turns out he wanted to tell me to give him a chance and you know, go out together and stuff and I said no because I'm a mess and I can't and it sucks"

Erin was still smiling.

"You're smiling. Why are you smiling? Stop smiling"

Erin bit his lip "I'm smiling because I'm proud?"

"Proud?"

"Yes. Proud"

"You don't think I made a step back and avoided stuff again?"

"Not at all. First of all because you're facing what this situation is making you go through by talking about it and not holding back on how you feel. Also, it might look like you turned him down to avoid getting hurt and avoid being happy which is true in part but only because you're working on yourself to reach that happiness on your own and not by depending on a relationship"

"I don't understand"

"Emily, you said no because you've finally put yourself first. When you're in a relationship the other person often come before yourself or at least share the "first" place with you. You've finally put yourself first and you're not ready to give that up or share it with anyone. And it means that you're not running from yourself anymore. So yes, Emily Prentiss, I'm very proud of you but still, you have to make sure that you can balance it out and not hide into this new feeling once again"

Emily looked surprised "It still sucks because I like him. Like, I really really like him"

"I believe in faith. Maybe the timing is wrong but one day it will be right. Who knows?" she smiled "Speaking from experience" Erin winked at the brunette who finally smiled.

Emily got up and leaned over to hug the person who helped her the most in her whole life "Thank you" she whispered. Erin smiled and held the young girl "Go back in class. And Emily" she said once the girl was at the door.

"I told you already but I'm telling you again. You can come to me. Whatever happens" Emily bit her lip and nodded slowly.  
After that she got out the room and went back to class.  
Her heart a bit lighter.

* * *

"So..."

"Ask away" JJ said holding one of the little kittens in her arms "How is he doing?" Emily asked and JJ took a deep breath "He cares about you but understands your reasons so he's doing fine but not too much"

Emily nodded, looking over the small balls of fur that were walking around "And how are you doing?" she asked, finally looking at her blonde friend.

"Me?" JJ asked confused.

"Yes, you. You're not mad or anything?"

"Oh Emily!" she noticed the guilty expression on her friend's face "Of course I'm not mad. I totally rooted for you guys but I understand. I totally understand where you're coming from and why you did what you did. I also know that it's tearing you apart. I love you like a sister and I wish I could do something to stop you from hurting. Stop the both of you but I can't. That's what I hate. I hate that you guys are suffering and no one can do anything but wait. But I promise. I'm not mad. Trust me, you would know if I was"

Emily nodded and let out a sigh of releaf "Aaaand, you've got nothing else to tell me?"

JJ swollowed nervous "What are you talking about?"

"Maybe or maybe not I'm talking a certain Will La-F-M-uhm"

"LaMontagne"

"Mhmh" Emily had an annoying smile JJ wanted to rip off her face. But the only thing her body managed to do was blush.

"OMG you like him!"

"What? NO!"

"You totally like him!"

"Em!Stop it"

"Oh come on, my life is so dramatic. I need some romance. I'll take whatever I can get"

JJ looked at her friend for long moments and then sighed "Okay"

"So, he's at last year and he saw some games because I think a friend of his had a crush on one of my teammates. He asked her on a date but she didn't want to go alone in case it was awful or something so she asked him to tell him friend to come too because she had a friend she could introduce to him and do a double date. I happened to be her friend and Will was his friend. We ended up getting along more than they did during dinner so at some point they just wanted to go home because they weren't really having fun so we were left alone and I had so much fun. He was funny and so so so sweet. I really liked him and he took me home and well-"

"He kissed you good night?"

"He did. And we've been kinda going out for a week now but I didn't want to tell anyone"

"Why? You could have told me"

"Because it happened when you and Aaron had that thing going on and I mean it wasn't really nice to go all 'You know, I'm dating' when you were all broken hearted like that. The guys, I'm a little scared to tell them because- I don't know, it would make it too official if they met him and I'm not sure I'm there yet"

Emily nodded "Of course. Well, I'm glad you told me"

"You basically forced it out of me"

"DUH! You did too"

They laughed and looked at the kittens playing around and Sergio and his lover, who still had no name, watched over them.

"He's a great dad" said JJ and Emily chuckled "I hope he doesn't go around sleeping with everyone to avoid his pain when the kittens go away"

JJ laughed "You, my dear friend, are something else"

"Maybe he'll become a drunk"

"Nha, if he took anything from his mama, I'm sure it's the sex addiction"

"They always pick up the worst from the parents"

"I'm sure we'll know how to handle that" said the blonde and Emily nodded knowingly.

"Experts"

"Mhmh"

Experts indeed.

"Oh an JJ?"

"Yes?"

"I wasn't a sex addict"

Laughs.


	17. Chapter 17

It was June now and everything looked perfect.  
There was no sign of moving soon and she was doing good.  
Everything was good.

Her friends were the best thing that ever happened to her. They made her days bright and beautiful. She felt completely at ease with them and they all knew everything about each other.  
She knew about them, about Morgan father's death.  
About Spencer's mom desease.  
About Rosaline.  
About Penepole's parents divorce.

They knew each other. They were there for each other. They loved each other. They were a family.  
JJ finally told them about Will and they all welcomed him in even if JJ was clear to him that no matter how serious they got, it was important that they both had separate lives.

Her friends could of course be his friends.  
It was just important that they knew they weren't one thing.  
They were still JJ and Will.  
JJ still had her life.  
Will still had his.

They had quite the good relationship.

Things were working out for once and Emily was finally feeling good enough not to be scared that the other shoe was going to drop.

Life, though, always has other plans.

"Emily, honey?" her mom knocked on her door.

"Yes mom?" she flashed her a genuine smile.

Elizabeth found it hard to swollow.

Emily took in her mother sad eyes and got scared immediatly "What is it?"

"I-"

"No. NO! Go away. Get out. No. I'm not coming. GET OUT!" she screamed.

"Emily! Calm down! It's not what you think. Honey, breathe. Calm down" she repeated stroking her daughter's hair "We're not moving?" she asked to make sure she understood. She had to make sure.

"No honey, we're not. I promise. I just need to go to Europe for a couple of days"

"Oh" Emily tried to calm herself down "Just a couple of days?"

"Yes"

"And it's not to see the new house or to talk to anyone for the new job?"

"No sweetie. Just a couple of days and then I'm right back"

"O-okay" she nodded trying to convince herself that it was the truth "You promise right?"

"I promise"

"You'd tell me if there was something going on?"

Elizabeth sighed "I promise Emily. I promise"

"Okay. When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow. Early in the morning so I came to say bye because you'll be sleeping" Elizabeth took her time stroking her daughter's hair and porcelain skin. She looked at her "You're glowing" she smiled "With happiness"

Emily smiled "I'm happy"

"That's all I ever wanted for you" she kissed her forehead and left before she started crying.

Emily watched her mother smile lovingly at her at the door and say goodbye once more. She thought about what just happened but couldn't really find an explanation.  
She then decided not to look too much into it. Her mother did that sometimes. Out of nowhere.

She went to sleep thinking about her mother's sweet touch on her hair and skin and the warmth she felt when her lips touched her forehead.  
She forgot that feeling.  
And she loved it.  
She craved it.  
She missed it.

She closed her eyes thinking about her mother.

And it was exacly her mother that woke her up at 5 in the morning.  
She heard a tud and went outside and saw her mother with her small trolley "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up"

"It's alright. You need help?" she yawned.

"I'm fine. Come here" she said opening her arms and welcoming her child to her chest. "Have a safe flight mom" she whispered and closed her eyes when she felt her mom's lips in her hair.

"Where is it that you're going?" she pulled away a little.

"Spain"

"Call me when you land".

Elizabeth chuckled.

"Hurry back" she held back the tears when she heard her daughter whisper those words in her ear.

"Go back to sleep"

And just like that, her mother was gone again.  
Emotionally and physically.

* * *

Elizabeth Prentiss was sitting in the doctor's office. She was nervous and her heart was broken. She could feel the pieces hitting her feet whenever she took a step.  
Her chest was heavy and she did not know how she wasn't crying.

The doctor handed her some papers and she brushed her fingers on the printed name _Emily Prentiss_ she choked and took her other hand to her mouth to control herself and not sob in front of the doctor she was hating with her all being in that moment.

"Excus me I don't understand. How-how could she do it without a parent or a guardian. Without...someone?"

"It's a procedure that doensn't require any consent but the patient's"

"But still no one felt the need to let the parent of a sixteen year old know that their kid was having an abortion"

"It's privacy policy ma'am"

Elizabeth had tears in her eyes and wanted to be angry with the doctor. She wanted to grab him by the collar and shake him.  
Shake him because her little girl was pregnant.  
Yell at him because he didn't call her.  
Tear him apart because she needed someone to be angry with.

But the truth was, she could only be angry with herself.  
No one but herself deserved her anger.

"Was-" her voice crooked and she choked on her tears "Was she alone?"

"She was with a friend and he was really supportive of her and helped through it"

Elizabeth nodded _At least she wasn't alone._

"Was he the father of the baby?"

"Not that we knew of"

Ambassador Prentiss was trying to be calm and collected but it was too much.

"Is there anything else you wanted to know, ma'am?" the doctor asked.

Elizabeth shook her head. She couldn't speak right now. She didn't trust her voice.

She quickly got up and shook his hand "Grazie, arrivederci" she said in hurry and ran out the office to the clostest bathroom.  
She threw up and fell to te floor.  
Broken and in tears.

She had broken her daughter.  
Her beatiful, sweet girl had fallen apart and she had abandoned her.  
She wasn't there for her.  
She let her go through an abortion alone.

She was a monster.

She didn't deserve Emily.  
Her sweet angel deserved so much more.  
She sat on the hospital floor for what seemed like hours.

"Ma'am, are you alright?" asked a woman. Elizabeth looked up and took the hand that was offered to her to get up the floor "I-I am, thank you" she went over the sink and looked at herself.

She wanted to cry and scream and break the mirror.  
Break the image of herself.  
Because that's what she reduced herself and her daughter to.  
To an image.  
But no, her daughter was so much more.

She thought about what she said the night before. _I'm happy_ she had said.  
She was so much more she could ever hope to be.  
Her daughter was not the monster she was.

She rinsed her mouth and ran out of the hospital.  
Her plan was to come back home as soon as possible but now she felt like she was too ashamed to look at her daughter in the eyes.  
She didn't deserve it.  
She didn't deserve her.

So she stalled.  
As much as she could.  
She avoided the problem until she couldn't anymore. She knew she had to come back and face whatever was to come.  
She knew she had to let herself break completely because the fact that she was still holding it together was just a mere illusion.

She had to face reality.

* * *

"Mom?" Emily looked at her mother worried that something happened to her "Are you okay?"

Elizabeth didn't say anything but just walked over to her Emily. She stopped in front of her and took her face in her hands "You" she said with tears in her eyes "You. my darling daughter, are the best thing I've ever done in- my whole life" her voice crooked ant the tears fell from her eyes tracing her cheeks.

"Mom, you're scaring me"

"I didn't go to Spain"

"You didn't?"

"Come with me" they went to her bedroom and sat on the bed. Elizabeth got something out of her purse and handed it to Emily "I found your hospital certificate in some of the stuff we didn't go through after we moved"

Emily looked horrified.  
She expected everything.  
 _Everything.  
_ But not this.  
Never this.

"How-" How was it there. She was so sure she didn't bring it with her. How was it possible.

"I found it in one of the boxes and went to the clinic"

"In Italy?"

"Yes"

"And they told me. Well...confirmed me"

"Mom-"

"Emily, I'm so sorry"

"What?" Another thing Emily didn't expect.

"You must have been terrified and I wasn't there for you and I wish you would have known that you had another choice"

At that point Emily couldn't speak anymore. She had silent tears steaming down her dace and a knot formed in her throat.

"Honey" Elizabeth kneeled down in front of her and took the hands of her crying daughter in hers "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I caused you so much pain. I'm sorry I made your life a living hell and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I wish I could rewind and be better for you but I can't and I'm sorry you had to go through that and God know what else. You're who I wish I was. You're way stronger than me. You're amazing even with me as your mom-"

"Mom"

"You. You are the greatest gift of my life and I should have told you and proved you every single day of your life"  
Elizabeth looked up at her daughter from where she was kneeling on the ground and felt like she was falling into pieces.

Emily started sobbing and she was quick to her feet to hold her.  
She felt her hold onto her for dear life.  
Emily was holding so tight her knukles turned white and her fingers hurt.  
Her body was shaking for the sobbing and the hiccups.

She held onto her mother like her life depended on it because that moment was something no one and nothing was ever going to give her back.  
She was letting a weight go forever.  
She was going to stop lying and hiding for good.  
She was letting go.

She was letting her mother in.  
She was letting her close.  
She was healing.

They were healing.

Emily cried out for the loneliness.  
For the fears.  
She sobbed for the anger.  
For the attentions she craved.  
For the help she needed.  
For the tears she had cried every night.  
For the dirt she hid behind.

She cried for her mother.  
For herself.

For her baby.

She cried to heal.  
To be better.  
To do better.  
To let her mother know.  
To let her in.

She cried to purify her soul.  
To let the lies go.  
The blues behind.

She cried in her mother's chest and let her lull her gently, as if she was the baby she once was.

Elizabeth cried in her daughter's hair.  
She cried because she almost lost her.  
Because she could've lost her if Emily wasn't so strong and amazing.

She cried because she messed her daughter up.  
Because she let her alone.

She cried to let go.  
To breathe again.

To breathe in her Emily's scent and feel alive again.

She held that miracle tight to her chest and lost her fingers in her soft long hair.

"I'm so sorry mom. So sorry" Emily cried, out of breath, red in face.

"Oh Emily" Elizabeth pulled away a little to look at her in the eyes "Honey look at me" she whispered holding her face in her hands "Emily calm down. Honey, breathe"

Emily was shaking uncontrollably. She had let go before but never like this. This, her mother, was the missing piece of the puzzle and now she felt like she could cry for days.

"Breathe" Elizabeth tried to help her and make her follow her eyes. It took a moment but eventually her breathing evened out and the uncontrollably crying calmed down.

"It's okay baby. Like that. Keep breathing"

Emily closed her eyes and reached to her neck, only to find nothing there.  
She opened them again when she felt her hand grasp around nothing and a wave of panick rushed over her whole body. She opened her eyes in pure fear but the moment she got lost in her mother's the only thing she could feel was calm.

Complete calm.

She stopped crying and got lost in her mother's gaze. She had such pretty eyes. She was beautiful, her mom.

"Mom..."

"It's okay honey" Elizabeth never stopped stroking her hair and Emily never took her eyes away from her mother's beautiful face.  
The Ambassador looked completely shocked when her daughter burst out in a fit of giggles.

"Wha-" the more Emily laughed the more Elizabeth looked confused. "Are you okay?"

Emily calmed down and wiped the tears on her cheeks. "You're really pretty" she said in a smile "What? Emily-"

"I mean, looking you up so close I- you're pretty"

Elizabeth was in utter shock from her daughter's behavior. She brought her hand to her forehead "Are you sure you're okay?"

Emily laughed more and took her mother's hand away from her face to hold it "I'm perfect" she smiled.

Elizabeth nodded and looked at her child "You really are" she said in a whisper.

That night, the Prentiss women talked till morning cuddled up on Elizabeth's huge bed.  
They went over their lives and Emily didn't hold back on anything and neither did Elizabeth. They crossed paths they both avoided for years. They faceded monsters they have both been fighting for way too long.  
They attended the cracks in the walls of their relationship and let everything out for the sake of being a mother and a daughter again and not strangers living in the same house and pretending they're okay.  
Emily told her about everything because it made no sense anymore to hold it back and leave her in the dark.

It was time.  
JJ told her at some point she would have had to talk to her mother.  
The time had come.  
It was happening.

And it felt right.  
She wasn't blaming her or fighting her.  
She was simply talking and her mother was listening.

And it felt amazing.  
She had talked to her friends and to Erin Strauss and if felt amazing but this, _this_ was different. This was more. This was everything.

They talked until they saw the light come in through the windows and with the light came the lightness.  
Emily rested her head on her mom's chest and closed her eyes.

Elizabeth kept combing her hair gently with her fingers and lull her to sleep.  
She smiled when she relised her daughter was fast asleep on her and saw that that little thing hadn't changed even after all that time and all that _life._

With the smile on her face she rested her cheek on her daughter's head letting the little noise she made with her nose whenever she fell asleep lull her to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

Emily knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer.

"Emily!"

"Oh! Aaron! Hi! I didn't know you were back"

"Just came back yesterday. Come in"

She saw his lips move but didn't hear a single word because she was taken aback by his presence.  
He said something to her but it didn't reach her ears because she was too focused on his beautiful, sweet eyes.  
She was trying her best to keep her heart from bursting out of her chest.  
Even standing seemed impossible.  
Her knees were jello and breathing was harder than it had ever been before.

He was handsome.  
Like the sun.  
He smalled so good she swore she could breathe his scent instead of air and be just fine.  
Perfect in fact.  
He was tall and board and simply handsome.

His lips moved, inviting her in but she was too busy biting her own to read them and make out what he was saying.

 _His lips._

She knew he could set her on fire with those.

She could feel herself burn only by thinking of them brushing over her skin and caressing her own lips.

"Emily?" it was probably the third time when she registered his voice calling for her and that's when she stopped having fantasies on her best friend's brother and actually walked into the house thanking him.  
She hoped he'd avoid her temporary black out and just let her go.

He was so polite and respectful of her that he didn't, in fact, ask anything so she was free to run upstairs and hide from him and his mesmerizing eyes.

* * *

Upstairs Emily ran in her best friend's room and leaned on the door as soon as she closed.

"Emily! Thank God you're here. I'm freaking out! Why do you look so upset?"

Emily shook it away and walked to her friend ignoring her last question "What's wrong?"

"He opened, didn't he?"

"JJ, it's fine. I'm fine. Tell me what's wrong and why you're freaking out" she sat on the bed next to her.

JJ sat in silence for a while and then sighed "I'm late"

Emily felt like her eyes could drop out "Come again?"

JJ rolled her eyes "I don't know what to do"

"Have you taken a test? Does Will know? When did you even-"

"It was a couple of weeks ago. We tried once but it hurt too much so I told him to stop and we didn't try again for a while but then we tried again and it was only once! Do you think it's possible? Even after one time?"

"Uh-" did she want to remind her that she got pregnant after one time? "Did you tell Will?" she decided not to answer.

"NO! Of course not!"

"Okay then, what about the test?"

"Nope. I haven't. I only realised like three seconds before calling you"

"Okay then. Uhm" she looked around herself as if she was thinking "I'll go get you one- a couple and you'll take them and we'll find out"

"Emily!" JJ stopped when her friend was about to get out of the room. Emily turned around "What if-"

"It's going to be okay. Whatever happens" She looked at her and nodded "You understand me?"

She waited for her blonde friend to nod her head and then left the room.

* * *

"Okay! I got them" Emily rushed in the room "I hope you drank a lot of water because you're gonna have to pee a lot"

"What the hell!" she looked at the amount of tests Emily dropped on the bed.

"How am I supposed to pee on five sticks?"

"That's why I hope you drank a lot of water. Plus, we want to be sure. Trust me" the brunette opened a box and gave the test to her friend.

"This is so gross" the blonde took it and looked it over "Come on"

JJ went to the bathroom and came out a few minutes later.

"How long?" she sat on the bed next to her friend after the put the test on her bedside table.

"Three minutes"

JJ nodded and looked at the brunette  
She wonderend what was going through her head and if she was thinking of when she had to do it, probably alone and scared beyond words.  
And suddenly she felt so grateful to have her there.

"Thank you Em" JJ took her hand and squeezed it.

Emily turned to look at the blonde in the eyes and couldn't help but love her friend more than anything in the world.  
She was there for her at her worst and never once had a doubt.  
She always stepped in for her without second guessing anything.

"Of course JJ" she said in a serious tone and nodded "It' ll be alright"

"I hope so"

"I know so"

And so they waited in silence holding each other's hands.

Emily looked at the watch on her slim wrist "Okay. Time's up" she got up and took the test in her hand only to hand it to her friend "No, you look"

Emily nodded and took a deep breath before turning the test over. She looked down and let out the breath she was holding "It's negative"

JJ sighed a huge breath of relief and dropped dead on the bed she was sitting on "Holy Jesus"

"Take another"

JJ jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom without adding anything.

The second one came back negative as well "Three is a charm?"

"I guess"

Third one negative as well.

"I think it's safe to say you're not pregnant"

JJ nodded slightly while staring at the wall in front of her.  
Emily sat next to her and looked down.

They sat in silence together for a couple of minutes and then Emily broke the silence "What would you have done?"  
JJ came out of her trance and responded immediatly "I'd have kept it. Of course"

Emily chuckled "Oh Emily, I'm so sorry I didn't mean-"

"I know you didn't. It's fine. Don't worry about it" she patted her friend's knee.

JJ decided to remain silent "Do you think I have to tell Will?"

"I've got no idea to be honest. Do you want to tell him?"

"Not really"

"Then don't. If it ever comes up, tell him but you know it's okay if you don't tell him or if you don't feel the need to"

JJ nodded "You are amazing Emily Prentiss"

Emily chuckled "You okay?"

"Yeah. I feel much better now" JJ answered and Emily smiled hugging her friend "I'm glad" she said while the blonde held tight onto her.

"So, how are things with your mom now? Still good?"

A month passed since her mother found out about her abotion and they reconnected and "Yes, things are still good. She still works a lot of course but you know, she's there. We talk. We're trying to be as honest to each other as possible and mend our relationship"

"It sounds wonderful"

"Yeah" Emily nodded "Have you told Strauss?"

"I haven't seen her since school ended so before it happened but I think I'll call her or something"

"She's good uh?"

"I don't even know how she does it"

JJ chuckled "And... I don't think he's seeing anyone"  
The blonde saw her friend turn towards her so quick that for a moment she feared she broke her neck "What..."

"I know you're probably wondering so I answered before you could ask because you were so not going to ask"

"I was going to ask...eventually" she lied and JJ bumped her shoulder "You weren't but it's okay"

Emily laughed and took a deep breath "So...he's not seeing anyone?"

"Nope. At least I don't think so"

"JJ!"

"What?" JJ exclaimed defensive "It's not like I can spy him. If he tells me he tells me. If he doesn't, he doesn't"

"And he didn't?"

"He didn't"

"You're sure?"

"Emily ask him yourself!"

"Yeah like I can go like 'Oh and by the way, are you dating? Just asking because I'm totally in love with you and-What?" she was stopped midsentence from the look on JJ's face.

"You're in love with him?" the blonde breathed out. When the question reached Emily's ears she remained speechless.

"I'm not" she tried to cover.

"You are!"

"I'm not. Shut up"

"You said it"

"I didn't"

"You did"

"I made a mistake"

"You didn't"

"Did too"

"Did not"

"Jennifer"

"Emily"

"Don't Emily me"

"Don't Jennifer me"

"This is stupid"

"You're stupid"

"Ehy! That's rude"

"Emily! Stop stalling"

"Am not"

"JESUS CHRIST! YOU SAID IT"

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT"

"Swear"

"I swear"

"Emily" JJ's tone was so serious Emily simply couldn't respond. She instead bit the inside of her cheek and avoided her friend's blue, intense eyes.

"I-" Emily let out a frustrated sigh "I don't know. I mean am I even allowed to love him? It's not like I know him like that or ever dated him. We just had some sort of-of I don't know! Something!"

"That's not how it works"

"I know but-"

"You're scared"

"It's too much"

"I know" the blonde took her hand and squeezed it in hers and then gave her an incouraging smile to which Emily responded with a sad but thankful one.

"I don't know where I'd be without you"

"Probably at your house fucking Ian Doyle" they both burst out laughing but soon JJ changed expression and cleared her throat.  
Her eyes were different.  
Her body language was too.  
Emily watched her and waited for her because it was clear that she was about to say something. Maybe even gathering the courage to do so.

"I-I'd do anything for my sister" she whispered. Her eyes still low, focused on the ground. Emily was taken by surprise.  
She knew hers and JJ's friendship was a good one and if she imagined how it would be like to have a sister she immediatly thought of JJ.

But she never thought JJ would say to her something like that.  
Not after what happened to her sister.  
Not after all she went through.

Tears pooled in Emily's eyes because she had just recieved the greated honors of all.  
She didn't think she could ever feel prouder than she did in that moment.  
It was big.  
Huge even and she was aware of the weight of the words JJ just told her and she was going to honor them and make sure she'd never be any less of what JJ saw her like.

"JJ" simple.  
Whispered in a voice broken by tears she was trying to keep at bay.

At the mention of her name, the blonde looked up and laughed nervously when she saw her friend trying so hard to keep it together and the next thing she knew, she was in her arms and tightening her grip around her waist as much as possible.

"I love you Em"

"Me too JJ, me too"

America got her a sister.


	19. Chapter 19

Emily was getting her things ready for her first day back to was the last time.

"Honey?" she heard her mother and turned around to see her at the door "Yes mom?".Elizabeth sighed and then smiled "May I come in?" her smiled didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Sure" she said going back to her things "Getting ready for your first day back?" at the question, Emily nodded and mhmhed.

"Sit down with me for a second" she said patting the spot next to where she was sitting on the bed. Emily turned around and looked at her mother "Is everything alright?" she said while walking towards her bed.

Elizabeth nodded and once her daughter was next to her, she wrapped her arms around her shoulders and brought her closer.

"Mom?" Emily said while pulling away a little "Are you sure?".

Elizabeth had tears in her eyes but tried to hide them "Positive. Just wanted to hold you for a second"

 _Here it is again. She's shutting me out_ She thought but decided not to push.

"I'll leave you to your things"

That night Emily went to sleep with the sad look in her mother's eyes printed in her head.

* * *

The first day of the new school year was hell for Erin.  
It sure was the day she hated most.

There was always some mess to fix, a lot of paperwork , stuff to do, speeches to give and pictures to take.

"I hate you" she entered in the master bedroom glaring at his husband."Delightful as ever" David joked from the bed.  
Yes, she was getting dressed and he was still in bed.

"You made me fat and now my work clothes won't fit"

David Rossi laughed "Do I want to ask? Is it wise?"

"Ha ha" Erin mocked him "You're not funny but to answer your unasked question because you're too scared of you fat moster of a wife, yes you made me fat. You're always cooking and I'm always eating too much. And the pasta. The amount of pasta you cook David. Seriously, is it even humanly possible to assume that-" she was too focused on the stuck zip of the dress and her rambling to notice her husband getting out of bed and approaching her to shut her up with a kiss.

"I still hate you" she said with a hint of a smile.

"Of course" he said getting behind her and zipping her up "You're perfect" he kissed the base of her neck and whispered the sweet words in her ear.  
She shivered a little and took a deep breath. The dress looked as fine as it ever did.

"It's not my pasta's fault you freak out so much the first day of school that you can't even dress yourself" he playfully slapped her butt and went to get ready.

She looked at herself in the mirror and tried to calm down.  
If she had done it a million times already, then why was she so nervous every time?

"Oh and by the way, Mr. Rossi, I wouldn't take any chances with me right now. I could give you one hell of a schedule that you'll find yourself begging for forgiveness"

He appeared from the doorframe of the master bathroom "I'll risk" and disappeared again.

10 minutes later David was ready, Erin was still getting her things together. She was nervous and stressed out already and was trying to find her keys.  
She was literally going mad when she heard David's chuckle "UGH! I can't believe you did this again"

"It's funny. You forget every year. And I'll do it as long as it takes for you to actually remember. When you'll remember it'll mean you're not as stressed as you always are on this day"

She walked furiously to him "Where are they?" she started patting him and going through his pockets. He laughed and let her touch him "David!" she checked every inch of his body and got frustrated when she didn't find them. Them she noticed the briefcase he was carrying and tried to take it from his hand "Give it to me"

"No"

"David, I'm serious and I'm in no mood for you jokes. Give me the damn keys. I still can't believe you. You can be such a child sometimes"

He looked unimpressed and stayed still where he was. Not caring about what she was saying and the fact that she was getting more impatient and angry.  
She pinched the bridge of her nose, sighed and crossed her arms on her middle.  
She looked at him in the eyes and tried to calm herself.  
He reached in his bag and pulled out her keys.

She snatched them out of his hands and tried to fly out but he grabbed her wrist and she sighed again."Come here" he hugged her and held her close.

She rested her chin on his shoulder and gave in to the game her husband was playing. She wrapped her arms around his waist and breathed in his scent to try to calm down.  
A small smile creeped on her lips and she was reminded all over again of how much she loved him.  
A couple back they were shopping and she dragged him to a shop because she needed cosmetics and casually made him try on a cologne.  
She couldn't help but stick her nose in his neck for the rest of they day at every chance she got because she absoltutely loved it on him.  
After a couple of days, he came back home smelling like that heaven and he told her that he bought the cologne she made him try because he liked it.  
But it was because _she_ liked it and he happened to like it too.

So now that she was in his arms she felt like he hald all the answers she needed and let him soothe her and calm down.  
He always knew how so she kissed his cheek and held his hands in hers "Thank you" she leaned over to peck his lips and then with her thumb she wiped the lipstick off of him with a small chuckle "All better?"

"All better" she promised.

They could finally leave and start that hell of a day.

* * *

Erin had finally retired to her office after a morning of welcomes and speeches to students and teachers. Being in her office didn't mean she was done with work but at least she could sit and take five minutes to just relax and rest.

She was just about to sip the coffee David made her find on the desk when she heard a knock on the sighed and felt like crying but instead she said a soft "Come in" and put down her coffee.

She was surprised when she saw who it was.

"Good Morning Principal Strauss" the woman said "Ambassador Prentiss! Good Morning" they shook hands and then Erin told her to take a sit.

Elizabet sat down and looked at the blonde in front of was the woman her daughter talked her about.  
That was the woman woman that got her baby girl out of the gutter.

Suddenly she felt ashamed because she knew what bad parent she had been for Emily and all the wrongs she did to her. She tried to push the tought aside and focus on the reason she was there in the first place.

"What can I do for you?" Erin asked.

"Well, first of all I wanted to thank you. Emily told me just how much you did for her and it means everything to me that she had someone to talk to and support her like you did. I- I probably should have been that person but since I wasn't, I'm glad and grateful beyond words that she had you"

Erin smiled thinking about the journey the young girl had done "Emily is such a bright, smart and kind hearted young lady, you must be really proud of her"

"I am" she said "I am" once again "Mostly because she was able to find her place in the world, to find her happiness and fight those demonds she had and that's why I'm here actually" Erin waited for her to continue. When Elizabeth saw that the blonde wasn't going to say anything she understood it was her clue to go on.

"I-" a diplomat at loss of words. That was new. The Ambassador chuckled ironically "I can't believe I finally saw the day I didn't know what to say" a sigh. Long and tired.

Heavy.

"I got a phone call and I'm being transferred-" she cleared her throat a little "I'm moving"

Erin's blue eyes widened. She couldn't believe what she just heard. After all Emily went through it was just not fair that this was .

"I- I-" Erin was shocked "I don't know what to say"

Elizabeth took a deep breath "I don't want Emily to leave. She's found her place, her friends. She's happy. For real. She's good and she did so great in school last year. I always knew she's smart but she never worked enough and I now know why so for her to actually achieve all of that, I don't have the heart to take it all away from her. Once again"

Erin listened carefully "I've thought long and hard about it and-" she tried not to let her voice quiver "She's going to be eighteen in a few month so it will actually legal for her to live alone. I was thinking of going on my own and let her stay here. It won't be a problem once she's turned eighteen but until then she'll need a legal guardian-"

"I'll do it" Erin said before she could actually realise she did "I'll gladly be her legal guardian"

Elizabeth bit her lips to keep herself from crying "You really would do that for her?"

"Of course. I want her to stay as much as you do. All due respect, but she's worked too much and too hard to just lose it all like that"

Elizabeth nodded "She'll stay at the house, you'd just be her contact if something came up. I'll make sure it won't be any more trouble than it already it is for you"

"No trouble at all. Anything she needs. Have you talked to her?"

"Not yet. I wanted to ask you frist so I could give her another option. She'll decide what to do"

"That sounds good"

"I- Thank you" Elizabeth couldn't come up with anything else. She couldn't even look at the woman in front of her.  
She was a diplomat, a politician but right there she felt just so small and felt like things were out of her reach.  
She had no control whatsoever on the things that surrounded her, including her own child.  
She felt like a mother that was about to destroy her daughter once again.  
But above anything else, she was scared.

"She's not going to resent you" Erin said in a soft tone and Elizabeth looked up, cleared her throat "Well, I hope so" her tone switched. It wasn't as warm as it was just moments was colder and detached.

Erin understood that it was time for them to close off.  
The Ambassador's tone suggested it "I'm sure you've got a lot of things to do. I don't want to keep you" Erin offered her a way out "We can arrange a meeting with Emily and talk about it more"

Elizabeth nodded and got up "That sounds good. Thank you very much Principal Strauss" she pulled out her hand.

"Call me Erin" she said while shaking the brunette's hand.

Once the Ambassador was out, Erin sat on her chair and shook her head. She took a deep breath, looked at her paperwork and chuckled "Just you wait until you hear this, David Rossi"

She told him first days were crazy.

She was right.


	20. Chapter 20

Emily watched her mom's driver load all her things in the car.  
She watched her mother make sure they were careful because she had important things of great value.  
She watched her hide her sadness under layers of seriousness and stiffness.

Emily swallowed the lump on her throat when she realised that they were all done and ready to leave.  
Her mother walked the driveway up to her and cleared her throat.  
"So-" Emily looked at her mom "I'll call you every night to make sure everything is fine. Be good. Behave. If _anything_ happens, call me and I'll be back before you know it"  
The young girl nodded, biting the inside of her cheek.  
"Don't get in any trouble and listen if Erin tell you _anything"_

"Mom-"

"It's okay. Look at it as reharsal for college" Emily giggled and Elizabeth grew serious once more. She got closer to her and cupped her cheeks "I love you" her voice was a broken whisper.

"I love you too" Emily managed to get out and Elizabeth, when she heard her voice, couldn't keep the tears back anymore.  
Emily smiled sadly and wiped her tears "Don't cry" she whispered and Elizabeth shook her head to recompose herself.

"No" she said "I'm not. No crying" she took a deep breath and pulled Emily in her arms.  
She held her tight to her chest and whispered sweet words to her ear.

When she pulled back, she gently stroked her hair "Don't cry" she copied her daughter's words with a smile when she saw the tears stream down her girl's beautiful face.

Emily chuckled and wiped her tears "Not crying"

They looked at each other and just stood there.  
For long moments.  
Emily brushed her fingers on Emily's porcelain skin and kissed her forehead "I'm proud of you" she said in a whisper "And I love you"

"I love you too" Emily wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and stayed in her arms for as long as she could, trying to mesmerize as much as possible of that moment.  
Trying not to forget anything about that hug, her mother's breathing and her smell.

Not the smell of her expensive perfume.  
No.  
Her natural smell.  
The one of her skin.

The one that tasted like summer breeze.

The young girl smiled in the woman's hold and took a deep breath "Go. I'll be fine" she pulled away and Elizabeth took one last look at her before walking to the car and leaving her daughter behind.  
She tried, as much as she could, to remember that this was best.  
That this what the right thing to do.  
She tried to hold on the happiness and the glint in her daughter's eyes.

She held that in her heart and closed her eyes.  
It hurt a little less.

Emily, on the other hand, watched her mother go and wished she could be happy _with_ her mother, and not happy _even if_ her mother was an ocean apart.  
She watched the car disappear and realised that for a little while she had to learn to leave with that void in her soul.

* * *

Her body was tired.  
Heavy.  
She could feel the exahustation deep into her bones but still she couldn't close her eyes and fall asleep.

As soon as she closed her eyes, she would feel her energies hype up once more.  
She tossed and turned.  
Poor Sergio, she had even pulled his tail a couple of times by mistake.

She wasn't really coping too well with the empty, _empty for real,_ house.  
She wasn't coping too well with the silence and the cold.  
She hated it.

She hated that damn house.  
She sat up and gave up on the idea of sleeping.  
She looked around herself in the dark and thought about the last year.  
She smiled a little, but her sank a little as well.

She was in conflict con herself and she was starting to feel the headache closer and closer with every thought that crossed her mind.

She reached on her bedside table and took her phone.  
Before she realised what number she was dialing, Aaron answered.

"Emily?" his voice was hoarse and filled with sleep.

"Aaron!Hi! I'm sorry I woke you" it was 1am.  
What was wrong with her?  
Why would she have to wake him up?

"Don't worry about it. What's wrong?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Remember when you told me to call you if I was having a bad day?" her voice ready to break in tears.  
"Yes" now his voice sounded more worried "Of course"

"Well" she said in a whisper "I'm having a bad day"

Aaron sighed and wished he could be there to take her in his arms and make her feel better.  
Kiss her blues away.  
But he couldn't and he hated it.

He hated that he couldn't be that for her.  
That he couldn't be the peron who held her and made her happy.  
The one who was simply there for her.  
"What happened?" he shook those thoughts away and focused on her once more.

She swallowed the lump in her throat "My mom-" her voice broke "She left today"

"Oh Emily..." Aaron breathed out

"I mean, it's not like I wanted to go with her or anything. She asked me what I wanted to do and let me choose. I chose to stay here but-"

"You're regretting it?"

"No!" she exclaimed and he smiled a little even if she couldn't see him "I'm just...alone. For real. I know her staff is still all here so I don't really have to worry about much other than doing my things and she wasn't around that much since she was always working but at the end of the day...she would be in the door at the end of the hallway. Now...she's not going to be there and I also know that it happened before because she would travel but it was just a couple of days, not for an undefined period of time"

"I understand. I was totally out of my mind when I moved out for college?"

"You?" she sounded amused "Aaron- I'm a one piece boss who's not going to break- Hotchner?"

"I'll let you know, Emily, that I've got a soft side as well" she could feel his smile through the phone and suddenly she was smiling as well, in the dark who wasn'so heavy anymore.

"NO WAY!" she joked and they laughed but then Emily's voice softened "I know you do" they both stayed silent for a while because silence right now was giving them both the chance to hate themselves for not being together.  
For not trying enough.  
For letting each other slip from their grasp.

"Well then" he sarted "I guess I have to man up?"

"Nha, you're perfect just like you are" Emily said in a sweet, low tone and Aaron smiled because _God!_ she was amazing.

"So" Aaron felt like it was time to change the subject or this conversation would hurt him and well...her more than she was already hurting.

"So what?"

"JJ..."

Emily smirked "JJ what?"

"Come on Emily! Are you really going to make me say it?"

"Say what?" she was having fun.

"Emily" he warned and then heard her giggles.

"Look, what I can tell you is that she's fine"

"Just...fine?"

Emily sighed "Happy"

"Then why didn't she tell me?"

"Because the fact that she's happy doesn't mean this is perfect. And she values your opinion and she knows that she needs to make sure that they're worth of meeting her awesome broher"

"Awesome uh?"

Emily sighed "She loves you and what you think matters to her. She'll tell you when she'll feel ready"

And with that, the "JJ and mysterious boyfriend" case got put aside temporarily.

They spent something like an hour and half before Aaron realised he was talking to no one. They talked about everything and nothing and he found out that he absolutely loved her laugh and especially being the reason why she laughed, or giggled.  
It was like he could feel the bright light of her smile from the phone and it filled his heart like nothing else before.  
He was telling her about some weird, crazy assignment he had when he heard the soft snoring.

He smiled.  
She had fallen asleep.  
He had eased her mind just enough for her to be able to close her eyes, relax and sleep.  
He laid down on his bed and just listened to the soft sound of her breathing and felt a pang in his chest.

He wished this could be as right as it felt.  
He wished this could be their routine: talking to each other until sleep ovecame them.  
He wished they could let it all go and be completely honest with each other about their feelings.  
He wished it wasn't so complicated.  
He wished she'd see that he just wanted to be there for her and that he was ready to catch whatever she'd throw at him.  
No matter the weight and no matter how ugly those things could be.

But those were only wishes he kept for himself and couldn't transform in reality.  
So he sighed and closed his eyes listening to her soft breaths and it was like she was there.  
It was like she was laying right there, in his arms, with her head on his shoulder and his face hidden in his neck, breathing on his skin and giving him goosebumps.  
He could almost feel her and smell her sweet scent.

It was everything he wanted and the only thing he didn't have.  
So he kept his eyes closed, because that was the only way he had to keep her close to him, and with the thoughts of her and her soft snores he soon fell asleep as well.  
With her so close to him and yet so far.


	21. Chapter 21

"Em, I'm telling you. He doesn't like her" they were getting ready to go to the Christmas dance and Emily's room was a mess. JJ and Penelope had brought over their whole house and between hair and make up and dresses it was like a hurricane came by. They were ready to go and everything was just fine until just a couple of minutes prior when Aaron came up in the conversation and just like that they found themselves talking about him and her and dating.

"Yeah sure, that's why he's with her"

"First of all, they're not together. They're just hanging out and-"

"And they're gonna get together"

"They're not sweet angel, because he doesn't like her" Penelope chimed in.

"You don't know that"

"I know that he likes you and that he's trying to move on because he has to since you didn't let him know anything" JJ added

"I can't"

"Em, it's been so long. Maybe it's time"

"Maybe. But maybe not. I mean, look at me. Do you really think I can do that? I don't want to be a mess all over again. This is good. I can't lose it"

"Gumdrop, going for it doens't mean you're going to lose it. Why do you automatically assume that?"

"Because that's what always happens"

"Did it?" JJ said with a more convinced and strong tone, her eyes filled with something Emily had never seen before.

"I-"

"Tell me Em, where are you now? Are you where you thought you were goin to be by now when you first came here?" why the fuck did she sound angry?

Emily shook her head slightly.

"Things are changing. For the better this time. And yes this is good, this is certainly good but, you want more and it could make it even better"

"Or worse"

"So what? You've finally reached a not too bad point and you're gonna stay there because something bad could happen?"

"This is stupid"

"I agree"

"JJ-"

"No, listen to me! I get it. You've gone through a shit ton of crap. You walked through hell and back and you put yourself back together. You put the pieces back in place and now it's good. And I get it that you're scared of blinking but Emily, the fact that it's good doesn't mean that it's gonna stay like this if you don't change anything and if you stay frozen in your comfort zone. Life happens even if we don't want it to. Shit happens even if we don't want it to. You have it good now, I get it. But let's be honest, how long do you think you can keep going on like this? It's been months and I know you've been talking and you've been calling him when you feel lonely so why do you want to be sad with half of it when you could be truly happy with it all? I mean, you're just fooling yourself into thinking you're not going to get hurt if you avoid this when you're actually getting hurt _by_ avoiding it. I know you know it. And I know you're doing this because you think it's bearable but I think it's not. It's not because it's killing you inside that you could lose him for good and it would crush you if you did. Like crush you for real. And the chances of hurting because you lose him like that and way higher than the chances of hurting for what you think you're gonna get hurt'

JJ got frustrated by her own words and thoughts running in her minds without giving her the time to grasp them before they'd be replaced by new ones. Still she kept talking up a storm without letting it get in the way.

"It's december for Christ's sake! It's been a freaking year and a quite huge miracle that he hasn't moved on yet. Don't let him. Get your shit together and go to him before someone else does it. Do it fo you and for him too. Because you want him and he wants you and if you two are not together, you'd both be settling for less than you deserve and I know you both deserve to be happy. So stop being a chicken-" her speech was interrupted by the doorbell which JJ totally ignored.

"He's been waiting for you and you don't see it! He's trying to move on but can you really tell your heart who to love? He waits and waits and waits and tries so hard not to be head over hills in love with you but he just can't and this is killing you and it's killing him too! So just stop it because life is too damn short to be as stupid as you're being right now" and like that she flew out the room and ran down the stairs. Emily could swear her blue eyes were filled with tears.

Angry tears?

Sad tears?

Emily could't tell and Penelope was sunned and speechless in front of the empy spot where JJ was standing just a few second prior.

"Pen, you go I'll come down in a minute" she mustered up the courage to speak before she'd start sobbing but she didn't have the courage to look at her friend in the eyes.

And if she did, she would have seen the tears threatening to fall from the eyes of the girl who welcomed so freely in her group of friends in the first place.

Penelope looked at her friend and didn't know what to do. She surely to wanted to give her space but she also wanted to hug her and make sure she was okay. Not wanting to push, though, the blonde girl nodded and left the room without knowing if her small group of precious humans was going to stand or if it was going to fall apart after this.

Not knowing if the latest addition was going to go back to them.

Not knowing if they reached a breaking point.

So as soon as she walked out the room, she knew her heart was heavier.

Emily, on the other hand, closed the door and took a deep breath while she leaned on the wooden surface. She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing which was harder than it should have been, and once she was sure her knees wouldn't give in, she walked over her bedsite table and opened her jewlery box and took her beloved pendant in her hand.

She looked at it and suddenly she felt like it all made sense. She had gone through so much, it was true but she finally had it good.

Erin Strauss and all she did for her.

Her mother and their mended relationship.

Her amazing friends who cared enough to give her space when she needed it, to get frustrated when they couldn't help her, to hug her blues away and to push back when she punched.

And then there was Aaron.

Aaron was a person that knew all about her and still liked her for her qualities and for her flaws.

He was a guy who looked at her like someone who he wanted to cherish and love and not like a prize he deserved just for being a guy.

Aaron had gentle eyes and a kind heart.

He listened and he talked.

He saw her and was there for her.

Aaron was the one who made sure she always had someone to spend her lonely days with, whether it was Sergio or himself.

He was the person who made her smile on the worst night of her life and that stole her heart that same night.

He was the guy she dreamed of at night and the attention she craved, the love she wanted to give and be given.

He was the arms she wanted to drawn in and the hands she wanted on her body.

He was the kisses she wanted to burn her skin and the eyes she wanted to lose herself.

The abyss she wanted to look into and the abyss she wanted to be looked into by.

She wanted to breathe in his scent and run he fingers through his hair.

Aaron Hotchner was there for her to hold and make hers and she was being just so stupid.

Everyone's heart desires someone like him and she had him right in front of her. Waiting.

She looked at the piece of jewellery in her hand and smiled through the silent tears.

She bit her lips and shook her head ironically.

It made all sense.

Once the necklace was secured around her neck, she fixed her makeup and then exited the room. While walking down the stairs, she got a glimpse of her friends.

So she stood there for just a moment to take the sight in.

Morgan was fixing Spencer's tie and Penelope was talking up a storm but Emily could't quite make out what she was saying.

Will was holding JJ while they both looked at the trio in front of them.

Looking at them, Emily Prentiss couldn't help but feel even more emotional but this time she tried not to cry because she really couldn't afford any more water melting down her make up.

There they were and she was lucky enough to call them her friends.

"Wow Emily, you look really pretty" Spencer was the first one to notice her and they all turned around when they heard him speak.

"Thanks Spence" she said walking all the way down and kissing him on the cheek.

"He's right Princess, you all look beautiful"

"Oh sugar, you really know how to make a girl melt" Penelope said in a flirtatious tone.

"Are we all ready to go?" Will asked and when they all nodded they walked towards the door.

Emily was nervous and couldn't even look at JJ in the eye but she still walked with them until they reached the door "Shoot guys, I have to wait for my mom to call"

"Oh come Princess!" Morgan moaned

"You guys go ahead, I'll call Frank and ask him to take me to the dance"

"You're going to come right? You're not feeling this, right?" she looked at Penelope and promised her she was going to come right after her mother's phone call.

She looked at them walk towards the cars from the door and smiled when she saw Penelope argue about something with Derek and Spencer glance at JJ with a sweet smile because he of course knew something was wrong.

Once they were out of sight she went back in and called Frank who arrived in a blink of an eye.

"Wow Frank, you were fast"

"You call, I run"

"You're awesome" she told him where they were headed and she tried to ignore the urge of throwing up and run away from a moving car.

And the country.

"You'll be fine" Frank gave her a quick glance.

"What?"

"You look like you have something important to tell someone. I'm just saying, you'll be fine" Emily looked at him in shock but she found herself giggling.

Out of sheer happiness.

Maybe it was because of the fact that she was finally doing it or maybe it was because she was plain crazy but she felt good.

 _It_ felt good.

She was a wreck but she was feeling good.

Like she was doing the right thing and as the car stopped she jumped out and ran to the door.

She rang the bell and was biting her lips.

But she was beaming.

"Emily! What a surprise, what are you doing here?" JJ and Aaron's mom opened the door

"Hi Mrs Hotchnes, is Aaron home?"

The woman took in the sight in front of her.

There stood Emily.

Out of breath and fidgeting, like she was holding something important back and couldn't wait to let it go.

She had anxious eyes but full of hope.

Her brows were frowning but it wasn't because she was nervous.

It was a different frown.

 _Anticipation._

She wasn't smiling but her whole figure was glowing and beaming.

It took the older woman a while to get it but when she did she flashed the young girl the biggest smile ever and hurried her inside "Yes, yes. Come inside, you must be freezing. I'll call him. Wait up" Emily walked into the familiar house and looked around, not really knowing what to do.

JJ knew that she was pretty much in love with Aaron Hotchner so of course his mother knew as well. And Aaron himself knew that she didn't reject him because she didn't like him but because she liked him too much to risk the stability she had reached.

His mom knew.

Mostly because both their children had a quite open relationship with them after what happened to Rosaline so they probably talked about it a couple of times and realizing that Aaron's mother probably knew why she was there made her feel very awkward and out of place.

But it all went away when she heard him come down the stairs.

When he arrived in the room, from the look of pure shock and surprise he had on his face, she gathered that his mother didn't tell him who it was that wanted him.

They both stood frozen in place and Emily never saw his mother come back but heard footsteps climb the stairs and it was probably Mr. Hotchnes.

She chuckled because they hella knew what was about to happen and they were giving them space and privacy, something Emily really appreciated.

He looked confused and not like he was about to speak anytime soon so she decided to start.

"Hi" she tried a smile.

"Emily...hi"


	22. Chapter 22

_"Emily...hi"_

It was just above a whisper.

Suddenly, breathing was too hard.

So was speaking and thinking.

She was a masterpiece.

A sight for sore eyes.

Beautiful and flawless.

Porcelain pale skin, in perfect contrast with raven hair and red lips. Her body hugged by the beautiful deep red dress she was wearing.

She was perfect.Absolutely perfect in everything.

Her smile was perfect. Her eyes were perfect. The way she stood and carried herself. Her skin and shoulders.

He absolutely loved her fine, slim and elegant shoulders and when he realised they were exposed he couldn't help but think that she was out of her mind for going out like that in December. More than before he wanted to take her in his arms and shield her from the cold weather.

She was absolutely perfect.

They stared at each other for the longest time without saying a word. He looked at her and she looked at him and she wanted to scream and cry out that she wanted him, that she needed him and that she was sorry for being a mess and rejecting him all those months ago but that she had always wanted him, since day one and that she didn't want to do this anymore.

She wanted to tell him that she didn't want to wait anymore because she had her answers. She didn't want to let one more day without him go by.

But every word died in her throat and every thought simply vanished.

So she kept looking at him without speaking and she was so close to lose it and cry when she heard him ask what she was doing there.

What she was doing there? She was supposed to tell him. To tell him that she was in love with him.She was supposed to end the agony they both were in.

But speaking was hard and thinking was harder.

So she took one deep, shaky breath and walked over him. He saw her approach and stop right in front of him. Their noses inches apart. Her eyes vulnerable and intense.

"Take me to the dance" she whispered and he frowned.

"What?" he had to ask because what did it mean?Why did she ask?

"Aaron" she stated and got impossibly closer to him "Take me-" he saw her raise her hand and thought he could die right there in that same spot when he felt her soft hand cup his cheek "To the dance" she continued in a soft whisper while stroking his skin.

He reopened his eyes only to realise that it was all happening for real.

He losely wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his forehead on hers after brushing his nose against hers. They looked at each other in the eyes and in that moment they both knew.

They knew that what was happening there was theirs and theirs only and that nothing and no one could ever take it from them. They knew that they were stepping into something they didn't know but still wanted. They knew it meant committing.

But nothing ever felt so right.

Because it was December but Spring bloomed into both of them. It was something way too good do be described. Walking on the clouds wasn't even close. Touching heaven was nothing compared to that.

The level of intimacy they touched when they stepped into each other's space. The connection they enstabilished when their skin touched. It was something even they didn't understand but it didn't have to be understood. It only had to be lived because trying to understand it would have ruined the magic and the genuineness of the fireworks that were exploding in their souls and the fire that was burning in the depth of their hearts.

They kept looking at each other as if they were telling a story and living it at the same moment.

"Give me one moment" he said in a whisper and she nodded but neither of them moved one inch.

They stood there. In the middle of the room. Without moving and without saying anything.

They were simply breathing each other trying to freeze that moment in time so that it could remain untouched and perfec forever.

She bit her lips and pulled away "Go"

He kissed her cheek and lingered just for a second more because the moment his lips touched her skin he found himself even more addicted to her than he thought he was or even possible to be.

He felt her smile so he finally pulled away, because he wanted to witness that miracle "Aaron" she chuckled "Just go" she pushed him genly on the chest and walked away from him so he could actually go get ready.

As soon as he was upstairs she saw another figure come down. It was his mother and yes, all of a sudden she felt embarassed especially because she was smiling knowingly at her.

"You look beautiful Emily"

The young girl blushed "Thank you" she smoothed down invisible wrinkles on her dress because she had no idea what she had to do with her hands in that moment. The woman chuckled and soon after they were reached by Mr. Hotchner as well.

"Good evening Mr. Hotchner" Emily said politely and the man smiled at her telling her that she looked really good.

"Okay I'm read-Ughhhh, mom, dad, why are you here?"

"We came to say hi-bye"

"Well, go, please"

"Excuse my rude son, we'll be going. You two have fun" Mrs. Hotchner pushed her husband out of the room with a smile to Emily.

"Good evening Mr. and Mrs Hotchner"

Aaron hurried them out and then walked up to Emily "Ehy" he whispered.

"Ehy" she smiled and bit her lip to hide it and smoothed his jacket "You cleaned up really nice" she kept her eyes on his chest because she was afraid that if she looked at him in the eyes she would blush fouriously.

"You sound surprised" he joked.

* * *

Once at school they walked hand in hand in the gym and she smiled when he pulled her closer to him."You're probably the oldest here" Emily giggled once in the dance room and he squinted his eyes "Not my fault you're into older boys" That got a rich laugh out of the brunette "Let's find the others"

"Wait" Aaron stopped her and she turned around "What?"

"Let's dance first"

"But they're-"

"It's a slow dance, I don't even know if we'll get another. Just this once. It's gonna be barely three minutes, they can wait" he pulled her towards him and walked to the dance floor.

She couldn't help but smile when she felt him wrap his arms around her and lower his head so that his mouth was near her ear. She could hear him breathe and it was soothing so she closed her eyes and let him sway them in rythm with the music. Her arms were wrapped around his shoulders and her nose was now brushing against his neck.

She was getting lost into his arms and his hold when she felt him chuckle "What?" she pulled away a little and he nodded towards a point behind her. She turned slightly and saw JJ in Will's arms smiling back at them.

Their eyes met and when she saw JJ's smile she couldn't help but tear up. She turned back towards Aaron and hid her face again, holding onto him a bit tighter.

"What's wrong?" he whispered in her ear.

She sniffled and then chuckled "Nothing" she said and pulled away a little so she could look him in the eyes "Everything is perfect"

"Emily?"

"Mhmh?"

"May I kiss you?"

She bit her lip and then let her smile break before reaching up and finally kissing him.

With their eyes closed, they forgot all about the people surrounding them and got lost in each other. He pulled her closer and she brushed her fingers in the hair at the base of his neck and nothing else mattered until they were brough back to Earth when they had to pull apart for air. "Emily, stop crying damnit"

The girl burst out laughing "Then stop making me cry" she looked up while he brushed his fingers on her cheeks to wipe her tears "They'll think I'm being a jerk. I'm afraid Principal Strauss will hit me or something"

That got Emily to laugh even more "Where is she?"

"She's over there trying to make Mr. Rossi stop begging her to dance with him" When Emily turned her head to where Aaron was indicating her she saw that they indeed where arguing "I think you can keep crying. She'll be too busy killing him to kill you" Truth was, Erin was not mad. She wasn't going to dance because it would have been weird but she loved feeling so loved that he didn't care about the public and the student and still wanted to dance with her. And he made her smile so she really wasn't mad. At some point he would become annoying but still she wouldn't get mad.

"OH MY GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I JUST SAW" a very excited Penelope Garcia ran towards them "I JUST SAW- OH MY GOD AARON!" that was a whole new level of excitment "OH MY GOD! THIS IS HAPPENING! THIS HAPPENED! THIS! IS! HAPPENING!" the ballad was over so now the music was loud enough to cover Penelope's screams.

Aaron and Emily, still in each other's arms, laughed and tried to calm their friend down "Pen, breathe and tell us what happened"

"Spencer has a girlfriend"

"WHAT!?" they didn't know eyes cold open so wide "I literally just saw them dance AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED YOU GUYS!" Penelope screamed.

"Ehy PG, what's this about? I can hear you scream from the other side of the room" The trio turned around at the sound of JJ's voice.

Aaron looked at his little sister and at the guy that was holding her hand. Emily and JJ looked at each other and then both at Aaron who was now looking at Will.

"Uhm, this is a bit unexpected but-" JJ cleared her throat "Will, this is my brother Aaron" the blonde licked her lips, nervous "Aaron, this is my-this is my boyfriend William"

Aaron tried to focus of what Emily once told him about JJ and her boyfriend. About the strong opinion the young girl had about his awesome brother and how much she wanted her boyfriend to be worthy of meeting him.

So he smiled and shook his hand, telling him that he was really happy to finally meet him.

Both Emily and JJ looked at each other shocked. Neither of them were expecting that.

"LOOK AT THEM!" Penelope took the attention to direct it towards the opposide side of the room where tall, sweet Spencer was talking with a girl and "OMG HE'S KISSING HER" Penelope shouted "LET'S GO! I GOTTA MEET HER. WHO IS SHE?!" she marched but was stopped by someone "What-"

"Don't you dare PG!" Emily grabbed her just in time

"Why?"

"Because he obviously doesn't want us to meet her yet. If he did, he would have come to us first"

"But-"

"She's right" it was Aaron who spoke.

"Shut it boss man, you're biased" Aaron chuckled and shook his head a little, hugging Emily close to his side and kissing the crown of her head.

"Well, I'm not and I agree plus I don't think you're really in the position to accuse him or jump on him like that" JJ looked knowingly at her blonde friend.

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"Oh so you don't know a certain Kevi-"

"AH LOOK! THERE'S DEREK" and just like that Penelope disappeared.

Emily was absolutely shocked. She didn't know about any Kevin in Penelope's life and JJ chuckled telling her that she'd tell her all about him and her suspects as soon as they had the chance. Emily was about to ask Aaron something but JJ interrupted her "Guys, why don't you wait for us for a second? We'll be back soon" she grabbed Emily and ran to the bathrooms.

"JJ, what the hell? Are you crazy? What's going on?" as soon as they reached the girl restroom JJ hugged Emily tighter than ever before. The brunette was quite surprised but responded immediatly to the hug and held her friend tight.

"I love you and now I love you more than ever. I'm so proud of you for this and everything" the blonde said while still holding her and Emily smiled happy that her friend didn't hate her.

"You scared me at my house" she said once they broke the hug "You were all angry and stuff I thought you wre done"

"I was done. But not with you. Never with you" she took her friend's arm under hers and walked out of the bathroom "I want to know all about it. Minus too dirty details"

"No dirty details"

"Yet"

"Shut up"

"I hope they're both still alive" JJ scanned the room to find her brother and her boyfriend "You'll have to tell me what you said to him to make him behave like this" Emily chuckled "Just that you value him and his opinion and that you want him to be proud of you"

"Oh my god, they're laughing. I don't know if I want to go there. It could be the end of the world"

"Well, you can't know if you don't try, right?"

JJ smiled at her own words

"Right"

* * *

"So..." Aaron sat on his sister's bed while she took off her make up. The blonde looked up and met his smiling face.

"So..." she repeated his words but didn't add anything.

"Oh come on , you're seriously not going to tell me anything?"

"I could ask you the same question"

"You know already"

"Well, there's nothing much to say. And I'm happy you to got along but I wasn't planning on introducing you two tonight"

"I know"

"I know you do. Emily told me"

"She told me too. She said some pretty good things about you and what you think of me" Aaron gently bumped her shoulder and JJ chuclked "Well, they're true. Aaron...you're always going to be the most important man in my life along dad, so I just needed to be sure"

"And you weren't sure?"

"I kinda stalled because it was easier but yeah, I was sure so I'm glad it eventually happened on its own"

"I'm glad too. He seems nice. Is he really? Does he treat you right?" he wanted her to look at him and aswer because he knew when she was lying so he had to be sure her answer was truthful and honest. JJ looked up and smiled "He does" he saw the glint in her eyes and that's all he needed to hear and see.

"Okay" he kissed her head "Good night" he was about to get up but she stopped him "Ehy! Where do you think you're going?" Aaron chuckled "Seems fair" he sat back down and asked "What do you want to know?"

"Is it official?" JJ's curious eyes met his and saw that the mere thought of her friend made them brighter.

"We need to talk more about this whole...thing but-" he took a deep breath and tried not to smile "It pretty much is"JJ's face broke in the brightest smile ever "Thank God!" the blonde chanted

"Yeah" Aaron laughed "I honestly don't know where it came from but ehy" he raised his arms up in surrender "I'm not going to question it"JJ nodded knowingly and looked at the happiness on her brother's face. She swore she could cry if she lingered a bit more on the whole situation they were living.

Everthing was finally exactly how it was supposed to be. They were all happy and that's what they all deserved. Nothing could fill her heart with more joy than the life she had right now. "You better take good care of her because I'm literally going to kill you if you screw this up after all it took for you two to finally get together"

"Are you always going to be on her side?"

"Probably. Girls have to stick together"

"I'll avoid being with you two at the same time"

"Duh! You couldn't even if you tried"

"Good night little devil" he kissed her head once more and left her room to go to his own.

That was probably the best night of his life.

* * *

"What are you doing?" David Rossi asked while walking in their bedroom and seeing his wife putting music on. He noticed she was still wearing the dress she wore to the dance and hadn't changed yet while he was in his boxers and his shirt was all messed up.

"I think I owe someone a dance" she reached out for his hand and pulled him closer to her so that he could hold her and she could wrap her arms around his shoulders.

"Oh" he definiterly wasn't expecting that "That's right Mr. Rossi, your wife isn't completely inconsiderate of your feelings and desires" she chuckled. He brought her hand to his lips and softly kissed its palm and then gently swayed to the soft music she put on.

As soon as there was no space between their body he felt her relax in his arms and he was just so grateful and lucky that he was the one who got to make her feel like that.

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, even if the Principal was a pain in the ass" she joked.

"Mhmh" she rested her head on his chest "Must be really horrible that woman"

"The worst" his hands were joined together at the small of her back but then one of them moved further down "She does have a nice butt though" Erin burst out laughing "You are a crazy man David Rossi" she put her hands and he looked down to kiss her smile.

"So she didn't ruin your night?" she bit her lips and looked at him with beaming eyes. She loved this man more than words could explain "Oh she made it ten thousand times better" he said while tightening his grip on her "Oh, I better watch out from this Principal" he leaned down once more to give her another kiss "What are you thinking?"

"Emily"

"What? Seriously?"

"Dave, it got to me more than we both initally thought"

"OKay then, what about it?"

"She's happy"

"That's good"

"That's great" she said, trying to keep control of her emotions "When she came to my office I saw her sitting in front of me and I saw myself you know so I just-I don't know" he kissed her temple and she closed her eyes letting him soothe her "You're proud of her, more so since you undestand from direct experience what it meant to her and what it took" Erin let a tear fall down and nodded in his chest "Not so bad that Principal of my school after all" that made her laugh even more and snuggle even closer to him.

The only sound that could be heard from that moment on was the music and their soft breathing.

* * *

"Ehy Serg" Emily exclaimed when she arrived back home and picked the black furry animal in her arms "Guess what?" her smile got even bigger when he snuggled in her chest "Your daddy is officially your daddy! I mean not officially _officially_ but more officially than before. Does it make sense? Oh who cares" she kissed his little head over and over again and snuggled him closed to her "Don't worry though, you're still going to be the most perfect boyfriend ever" one more kiss and then she walked upstair. The cat still in her arms.

Once in her bed Emily found she couldn't take that silly smile off her face and she didn't want to close her eyes in fear the morning after she'd realise it was only just a dream. But then she remembered the feel of his lips on hers and his breath caressing her neck. His hands on her skin and his eyes gazing so deeply into her soul. And she knew that there was nothing more real than that.

So she closed her eyes and it all flashed back in front of her. The moment she arrived at his house, his mother, the look he had when he found her in the middle of the room. The tears. The lack of words and the racing heart, the weak knees and the butterflies.

His gentle smile and sweet, tender eyes.

She fell asleep like that.Thinking of him.

Of them.

And knowing it was still going to be there in the morning and that it was not going to slip away from her hands before it could even sink in that it happened in the first place.

She fell asleep.

Happy because _America got her a boyfriend._


	23. Chapter 23

"So Em, is your mom going to be here for Christmas?" JJ asked while they wrapped some presents together in the blonde's room.

"I honestly don't know. She said she was going to try but-" she sighed "I don't know. I'm not too optimistic about it" she was really trying to be positive and to think that it was not going to be her mom's fault if she wasn't going to be there, but it was hard.

Her relationship with her mother was better but still not on a solid ground. Emily forgave her and let the past go and they fixed the cracks in the walls of their bond but it took time and hard work to make it happen. They were getting to know each other again and Emily knew that even if things were better now, her mom's job was still the same demanding and time taking one so she knew that she couldn't blame it on her and she had to focus on the fact that, in case her mother couldn't be there, she sure _wished_ to.

"I'm trying not too lose my mind over it" she chuckled sadly "You could always spend Christmas with us" JJ said it like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"JJ-"

"It makes sense. You're my best friend and my brother's girlfriend. We legit can't leave you alone on Christmas"

Emily laughed and thanked her friend but "It's okay. I was thinking that if she can't come I could go to her you know. It's still the 21th, I've got some time"

"Let me know though because if you don't go, I want you to stay with us-"

"JJ, do you think Emily will like-EMILY!" Aaron burst in the room without knocking to ask JJ for advice but he didn't know his girlfriend was there so as soon as he saw her he stopped midsentence and hid her _maybe_ present behind his back "What the hell?" he walked towards her, making sure not to show her what he was hiding "Why didn't I know you were here?" he bent down and pecked her lips.

She giggled and shoved him playfully "I came for JJ, not for you"

"Jeez, thanks!" he exclaimed and sat on the bed in front of them "Whatcha doing?" he asked looking at the mess they made "What do you want Aaron? Plus, how many times do I have to tell you that you need to knock? I could have been changing or something worse"

"Oh, ew, don't. I'm sorry. I'll knock" he said to his sister and then noticed the curious smile on his girlfriend's face "So, what is that you don't know if I like it or not?"

"Uh uh, don't even think about it" he got up, kissed her again and walked backwards out the room, to keep the item a secret "I'll die before you get it out of me" and in a blink of an eye he was gone.

"He's so smitten with you I swear it's sickening" JJ fake gagged and Emily shoved her playfully "OH MY GOD YOU'RE EVEN WORSE"

They laughed and shot their eyes up when they saw Aaron walk back in empy handed this time "Aaron what the heck? I told you like, five second ago that you have to knock!" JJ threw a pillow at him that he easily catched and then walked further in the room "Ehy, I thought there was no need since I knew what you were doing"

"Well, you never know" she thought about that time she had a pregnancy scare and there were pregnancy tests all over the room. He mocked her and laid on the bed to gather Emily, who was sitting indian style on the matress, in his arms. He looped them losely around her waist and since she was sitting and he was laying, he rested his chin on her leg. She looked down, he looked up and they smiled lovingly at each other.

"Aaron, you just invited yourself" Emily chuckled brushing her fingers into his short, black hair "Don't mind me, I'll just take the cuddles and be invisible"

"Yeah, huge man half on the bed, half on Emily sure is invisible" JJ laughed "Don't worry though, you can stay. We already talked about boys, periods and sex" Aaron looked horrified and Emily laughed high fiving her friend.

The two best friends kept wrapping presents and chatting and Aaron stayed truthful to his promise and was in fact invisible except for the hand on Emily's side that was drawing insivible, soft patterns on her skin. At some point he even fell asleep.

"I'll get the movie ready" JJ put away the presents and the rest of the stuff and exited the room "You wake him up".

Emily brushed Aaron's hair and just looked at him for a little while. She smiled at his soft snores and the way he snuggled his head on her leg "Aaron?" she whispered softly, he stirred a little and then opened his eyes and met hers "Ehy. Wow, I fell asleep"

"You did. Glad to know our conversations bore you out of your mind" she giggled "Let's go" she bent down to kiss hir brow "JJ is putting a movie on" she got up and took his hands in hers to pull him up and he followed her downstairs "Sleeping beauty is finally up" Aaron sat down on the couch while mocking his sister and pulling Emily down with him "JJ I'll tickle you to death" JJ stuck his tongue out and pressed play.

Aaron never really payed much attention to movies when Emily was there because she was of great distraction. But now it was worse than ever because she wasn't far away from him. She was leaning on his chest, her head on his shoulder, his arms around her waist and their fingers interweaved on her belly. A movie could never show him something more beautiful or interesting than what he was witnessing while having her with him. She was focused on the Grinch and his hate for Christmas and for people in general but still playing with his fingers across her stomach and turning her head from time to time to tell him something or simply smile at him.

"LOOK! HIS HEART GREW THREE SIZES" she elbowed him and he grunted "Emily, that hurt"

"But you're not looking"

JJ was sobbing and Emily had tears too. "I'm looking!" Aaron argued "He loves Christmas and-"

"Shhh" JJ shut his brother up "I can't hear" she hit Emily "Why did you hit me? He was talking"

"Emily!"

"Yeah Emily, shut up. You're disturbing" Aaron made fun of her and then tickled her sides "AARON!" she jumped.

"I'll kill you both" JJ sighed dramatically "Stop it" Emily grabbed Aaron's hands and pushed them away from her, keeping them still in his lap.

"She's seriously going to kill us" she said in a hushed tone and went back to the movie.

It wasn't long before she was once again wrapped saftetly in his arms. The movie ended and they stayed on the couch talking until Emily realized it was probably time to go.

"I gotta go call my mom" Emily got up "I better get going"

"Do you want to leave your stuff here? So you don't have to carry them back and forth"

"That'd actually be great"

"Awesome. I'll go get your jacket" JJ got up and left the room "JJ I can go"

"Nha, I don't want to the there while you smooch" and so she was gone and Emily chuckled. Aaron pulled her down on his leg and she leaned over to wrap her arms around his neck with a loving smile on her face.

"Everythig alright?"

"Mhmh" she licked her lips and brought her hands to his hair.

"You sure?" his arms around her side "I am" she pecked his lips and slightly moaned when he didn't let her pull away and deepened the kiss, brushing his tongue against her lips, asking for permission.

"Okay, that's enough" she giggled when Aaron whimpered "Oh, poor little boy" she made fun of him and pecked his lips once again "I'll call you later" she kept pecking his lips while getting up from his lap "Alright" he let her go and watched her leave with his sister who whispered something to her he couldn't quite hear.

"Let me know what she says" JJ walked her to the door "I will" Emily hugged her friend "You sure you don't want us to drive you home?"

"Positive"

"You don't even want to call Frank?"

"I like walking, especially in winter"

"You're crazy"

"You've pretty much known since moment one"

"Yeah...something's wrong with me"

Emily laughed and left, promising to call her later.

* * *

Once home Emily remembered she was going to be alone. She hadn't gotten used to it yet so it hit her every time she walked through that door that no one was coming home later.

She dropped her bag on the floor and took her shoes off to walk to the living room and watch some tv. That's when she noticed boxes all over the room "What the hell?" she was suddenly scared but she calmed down when she saw the huge Christmas tree in the corner of the big room. She approached the tree "Of course she forg-MOM!" she screamed when she saw her mother sleeping on the couch.

Of course, as soon as the scream left her mouth, her mother jumped startled and wasn't sleeping anymore "Emily, you gave me a heart attack" she sat up putting a hand on her chest "You gave me a heart attack!" Emily bit back.

"I certainly wasn't supposed to fall asl-" she didn't get to finish because her daughter ran into her and glued her arms around her neck. She smiled.

Emily sighed in her mother's hair "I'm so happy you're here"

Still with the softest smile on her face Elizabeth reached up to stroke her daughter's hair "Me too darling" she whispered.

"You're going to stay for Christmas?" her tone had a hopeful but slightly scared note.

"I am" Elizabeth cupped her child's cheeks and kissed her forehead "And we're also decorating the Christmas tree"

"What?" Emily exclaimed "You told me last year you wanted to and I want to as well so...I got the stuff out and waited for you but I guess I'm a bit jet legged and fell asleep"

Emily bit her lip to stop her smile to get too big "I'm sorry I woke you"

"Oh don't even mention it. I'm actually glad you did. We have a tree to decorate"

"We can do it tomorrow mom"

"But-"

"It's okay. I can wait another day. You look tired so go upstairs and take a nap" Elizabeth kissed her forehead "Will you lay a little bit with me?"That's all Emily wanted to hear and nodded energetically.

Emily was absolutely over the moon to be in her mother's arms. No one smelled like her. She was warm and could soothe her like nobody else.

They did some catching up and Elizabeth told her all the funny things that happened at the funcions she'd be attending since she left. Emily loved those stories. Simply because they hated politicians so embarassing stuff about them made her laugh. Mostly because there was a time when she had to survive them in some way so she used to focus on the funny things they did and say.

"Mom?" Emily whispered before drifting off to sleep.

"Mhmh?" Emily looked up to see her mother had her eyes closed already "Thanks for coming home" she reached up, kissed her cheek and then laid her head on her mom's shoulder to close her eyes and enjoy her nap.


	24. Chapter 24

She couldn't believe it was happening. If felt like a movie or maybe a dream. She couldn't believe this was happening to her and she was actually getting that kind of experience. The perfect kind.

The streets were covered in snow and the Christmast air was all around. And for the first time since she was a little girl, she was excited about Christmas.

Things were perfect this year so why not?

This could be the cherry on top.

Her mother was back for the holidays and the moment she held her after so long she realised how much she had missed her.

And now they were together, decorating the Christmas tree.

No designer was called to put up the fanciest and prettiest Christmas tree ever.

It wasn't about that.

It was about sharing this time of the year together and feeling the love. So they started from the tree but soon enough Michael Bublè was bursting through the whole house and they were singing along having the time of their life, making up for all the past years they actually missed out on this.

On the fun.

On the love.

On the memories.

"I've had this charm since you were three years old" Elizabeth pulled out a very ugly Santa Claus made of clay.

"Really?"

"Mhmh" Elizabeth hung it on the three, right in the middle, so that it was visible "Mom, why there? It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen" Emily chuckled "Because you made it in school"

"Oh" she was touched by her mother's pride for her ugly handiwork "It's still ugly though" she smiled and Elizabeth shook her head, taking one last look at the little, ugly Santa Claus and then touching her daughter's cheek with a smile.

The moment was interrupted by the doorbell.

"Crap" Emily realised that the moment she saw her mother yesterday she totally forgot that she had to call both Aaron and JJ "I'll go" she flew to the door to find Aaron with a knowing look on his face.

"I know, I know" she said apologetically, letting him in "But something came up" she started taking his jacket off "Emily, I can do that myself" but she didn't listen and kept rambling "And I totally forgot. JJ is going to kill me, I know. But I hope you like me enogh to find it in your heart to forgive me and keep liking me" she stopped in front of him and pulled out her best "I'm sorry, pretty please, I'm really sorry, please forgive me" smile and waited for his reaction.

He chuckled, stepped forward and kissed her "I'm not mad, silly" he said, securing her in his embrace.

"Really?" she beamed and he shook his head _unbelievable this girl_ and confirmed that "Really, I'm not mad"

"Great!" she excaimed jumping on her feet "Because you're tall and we need you" she dragged him by the end towards the living room.

"We?...Who's we?" he asked but never got an answer because before she could say anything she brought him to the living room when he saw none other than Elizabeth Prentiss.

"Mom!" Emily called with the excitment of a little girl. "Who was it at the door, darl-OH!" she looked suprised to see Aaron "Aaron, it's good to see you again" Emily rolled her eyes at her mother's coldness. She knew she couldn't ask for everything immediatly and that her mom didn't know Aaron really well so it made sense that she wasn't so open and warm...considering how she was in general. But she was so happy that she was there and he was there too.

"Ambassador Prentiss" he reached forward and shook her head "It's good to see you again too" Emily bit her lip and cleared her throat. She was a bit scared of telling her mother that he was her boyfriend. She never really brought any boyfriend home to meet her so first, she had no idea how it was done and second, what was going to be her reaction? And his? Did he want her to know already?

"So what brings you here, dear?" she looked at Aaron and then turned around to hang up more ornaments on the tree. Emily's eyes shot open"Emily was supposed to call yesterday after she arrived home but she didn't. When she didn't call this morning I guess-" he tried to sound as casual as normal "I came to check on her"

Emily was glad her back was to them, because this way she could hide the smile.

The grateful smile.

The happy smile.

The kind of smile that said that she liked him already for the simple fact that he worried about her sweet girl.

The kind of smile that showed that even if being an ocean apart from Emily was hard, it was still the right thing to do.

She was glad she had her back to them because otherwise they would have seen her face break down a little from the emotions she was feeling."Oh, I'm afraid that would be my fault" she turned to them once more with a smile.

Not the warmest but at least genuine.

"It's okay. I'm just glad everything's fine. Better than fine in fact" he nodded and then turned to Emily "I guess I can go" Emily didn't want him to go but her mother took her by surprise when she answered before she could "Why don't you join us? You can finish up here and I can go make some snacks. You're part of the family anyways, aren't you?"

If it was possible to literally blow up and have pieces of brain rain down, that's what would have happened to Emily and probably Aaron too in that moment.

Her mother walked past them, patting gently Aaron on the chest and then left saying "Also, you're tall. You can take care of the upper part of the tree"

They stood paralised for a bunch of seconds and then Emily turned around to him "Did-"

"Uhm" Aaron tried. Emily then burst out laughing and Aaron shook his head "She hates me" he hissed in a whisper.

"She so doesn't"

"She so does"

"Come on, take care of the upper part of the tree or she'll have your head"

"It's not funny"

"It is, if you think about it"

"I hate you"

"You don't"

"Emily" he groaned and she took his hand "Babe, stop!" she giggled "She doesn't hate you. She invited you to stay and trust me she's a dimplomat. She didn't because it was the nice thing to do. She did because she wanted. If she didn't want, she would have found a nice, diplomatic way to dismiss you. Don't worry too much" she stretched out and pecked his lips. She caressed his cheek and waited for him to reasurre her that he was going to try to relax.

* * *

Once the tree was done they easily started decorating the rest of the house. They didn't even realise it happened but Elizabeth let herself be swallowed by the Christmast spirit and let out all the lights and decorations. Emily's heart was about to burst out with joy and love.

She was having so much fun she felt like a little girl once again. She saw her mother smile and laugh and literally joke with Aaron. It was priceless and Emily was going to treasure that day until her last breath.

She watched them debete on where to put the reindeer shaped lights in the yard and smiled, almost with tears in her eyes, at how normal and right it looked and felt. When she realised the argument was going nowhere, she caught up with them, hugging Aaron from behind and looked at her mother "Can you tell him it's nonsense?"

Aaron turned his head to the side and looked down at his girlfriend and really wanted to wipe the smirk off her pretty face.

"Mom, he's right" she said

"Oh!" Elizabeth sighed dramatically "You're biased" argued the Ambassador.

"I'm not! Well, I am. But I would be in any case so just put the damn reindeers in the middle so that the sleigh with Santa Claus, which is huge, won't take up all the space" she said "Plus, that's how your designers always put them"

Elizabeth looked shocked "Really?"Emily nodded "Oh, well. In that case, go ahead, but I'll take care of something else. I want nothing to do with this" she pouted like a little girl and left Emily and Aaron to deal with Santa Claus, his sleigh and his damn reindeers.

"I think you broke my mom" Aaron chuckled "She seems to be having fun"

Emily nodded with the brightest smile "Yeah. I've never seen her like that. And don't even ask me where all this love for you is coming from" she chuckled at Aaron's gast "Thank you so much" he said ironically. She walked up to him while laughing and kissed him on the lips "Thank you for being so likable that my mother loves you so much she even fights with you" she wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her tip toes.

They spent the whole morning decorating the house, the back and front yard and having fun and they were exhausted. Elizabeth had gotten a phone call and she excused herself because she needed to take it so Aaron and Emily were left went to her bedroom, making sure to leave the door open.

Aaron looked around himself while Emily plopped down on her bed.

"You've never been in here, have you?" she watched him wander around curious and shook his head at her question. She cringed when she realised that Ian Doyle had been there while Aaron hadn't.

He chuckled at her face and asked what was it about. She didn't know if telling him was a good idea but when he sat down next to her and looked at her with those beautiful eyes, she started speaking before she could even realise it.

"The idea that Ian Doyle and been here and it's the first time for you made me cringe a little" she said but then she added "But now that I think about it, bedrooms are usually something very personal and intimate. They're not for me"

"No?" he asked curious and she shrugged "I've had so many and never really had the time to make them mine. Like, this is the first time I have stuff around but it's not even that much"

"It's something though" he smiled and she nodded "It's something"

She then looked at him and studied the way he kept looking around and taking in his surrounding "Does it bother you?" she asked out of nowhere and he snapped his head around to look at her with a frown "What does?"

She licked her lips and lowered her eyes, to avoid his "Everything" she whispered "I mean...Ian and what happened in Italy" she suddenly felt very ashamed. They had talked about it and he knew what had happened but he never really told her what he thought about it.

He looked at her and at how small she seemed and just wanted to take her in his arms and hold her. He smiled when he remembered he could. So he reached out and pulled her to him "I mean, now that we're in this I guess it's important that you know but also that you tell me if it bothers you or at least what you think about it" she played with the hem of his shirt and kept avoiding looking at jim so she closed her eyes and took a deep breath when she felt his lips brush against her forehead.

"You want to know what I think about it?"She slowly nodded against his chest.

"Look at me" he said softly and she sat up "I think that you made your choice and you were free to do so and no one should ever judge for it and you shouldn't care about what people think"

"You're not people" she looked down once more "I care about what you think and the fact that you're avoiding my _real_ question is making me nervous"

"Em" he whispered and took her hands "My answer to your so called real question is that I can try my hardest but I can never truly understand what you were going through when what happened...happened. If you made that choice you had your reasons to do so and no one should ever question them. Because it was your right"

"Doesn't it make you mad?" she asked the question she feared most

"Why should it make me mad?" he stalled, he knew what she was talking about.

She sighed but still answered "Because of what happened...with your sister" she said in a small voice.

"What happened to my sister is different and has nothing to do with what I think of you and what you did"

"I know but-"

"No Emily, listen to me" he gently cupped her cheeks "I understand you're afraid of what I might think of it because I'm your boyfriend and you think I've got more than one reason to hate you for your choices but I could never do that. They made you who you are now and I'm so completely and utterly and helplessly in love with you that I would never change you or any of the things that made you who you are"

She gasped and tears pooled in her eyes "For real?" she whispered in a broken, soft smiled at her "Yeah" he breathed out.

The most amazing smile broke on her face and she jumped to his neck and hugged him so tight it was like their bodies were about to melt together."So you're not mad about..." she couldn't finish her sentence.

"No" he cupped her cheeks and leaned him to kiss her but she interruped him "And not even about the fact that I had no problems sleeping with Ian but now I want to wait?" she closed her eyes as if to shield herself from his reaction.

She heard him sigh and squeezed her eyes even more.

"Emily, open your eyes" she was reluctant to do so "Come on. Look at me"

She slowly did what she was asked and before she knew it, he was kissing her.  
The most amazing, intense, soul touching kiss she'd ever had.  
It spoke volumes to her and it really felt like he was caressing and kissing every single part of her, of her soul and heart. Even the darkest ones.

It felt like she was being picked up and she was floating within beauty.

Because beautiful she felt.

He was making her whole self feel beatiful.

That kiss was whispering at her that she was perfect to him.

That she didn't have to change a single thing.

That she didn't have to be ashemed or scared of herself.

A single tear escaped her eye and when they pulled apart, to fill their lungs with air, he touched his nose with hers and wiped it away with the pad of his thumb "Okay?" he whispered with his hands on her cheeks.

She wrapped her slim fingers around his wrists, bit her lips to contain her smile and nodded "Mhmh"

"Good" he smiled, pecked her lips once more and then opened his arms "Come here".

Once she was in his arms, he laid down with her and kissed her hairline.

They where whispering to each other when they heard her mother call them from down the wanted to sit up but Emily kept him down.

She raised her head a little and looked at the door when her mother stepped in "Up up" she said excitedly and Emily groaned "I want to take you both out for lunch"

"What?"

"Yes. We've been running around all morning and it's lunch time. We can go have lunch and then I promise I'll free you two of me" she smiled when they got up and hurried them to follow her.

They sighed because until now her mother hadn't asked questions but lunch and _'I'll free you two of me'_ meant that the time had come.

She was going to ask them questions and want answers.

"We don't have to dress up, right?"

Elizabeth quickly turned around to stick her tongue out at her daughter and then proceed walking out "You barely do that when it's required honey"

Emily gasped and ran up to her mother "I do mother!" she tried to defend herself.

"I know you do dear. I said barely in fact"

Aaron watched the two Prentiss women argue with each other from behind and couldn't help the smile on his face.

Emily was glowing with happiness.

It was clear that she was over the moon to have her mother back.

In every possible sense.

She had her back for Christmas, sure.

But she _had her back_ for real.

They had something together.

They were something finally.

And that, it was clear, made Emily, the girl he was absolutely in love with, happy like he'd never seen her.

Also, Elizabeth was quite the character.

Sharp tangue and witty sense of humour.

Also very stubborn.

Just like Emily, basically.

But she was more uptight.

More tense and rigid.

She sure as hell had softened and warmed up a little since the first time he had met her.

But that was something she probably was never going to completely get rid of.

He knew it was partially because of the job she had.

"Aaron can you tell my mother I can be a lady if I want?"

"Aaron, dear, don't answer"

"Aaron, _BEBE,_ answer"

"Emily don't do that. He'd probably rip out his hair rather than answer"

"Are you implying I'm a tyrant?"

"When did that word leave my mouth?"

"Cut the diplomatic crap, mom"

"Languge dear"

"Moooooooom"

Elizabeth looked at her daughter with beaming eyes.

Emily's smile was blinding.

They simply looked at each other for a while and then walked towards the car "Wait, you're driving?" Emily was shocked to see that her mother's driver wasn't there and that she was walking to the driver seat.

They all got in the car.

"I am" she answered proudly.

"You can actually drive?" Emily asked and then quickly turned to Aaron "If she kills us, just know that I love you" she pecked his lips and then turned her attention to her mother "Mom, are you sure you can do that? Like, is this safe? _Really_ safe?"

"Emily" Her mother sighed.

"Excuse me but I've never seen you drive"

They kept bickering some more until her mother finally shut her up.

"It's not fair" she complained, falling in Aaron's arms "You're trianed and do that for a living" at that they all laughed.

Aaron had heard them and he was pretty sure they had asked him something but he just couldn't stop thinking about the fact that she told him she loved him.

And he knew that she meant it.

He knew because he knew _her._

She had trouble speaking abut her feelings so that moment made it easier for her to say it.

It wasn't heavy with emotions like when he said he was in love with her not so long before.

It was chill and light.

And she had the occasion to say it without making it the main subject.

Even if it was.

Because her mother couldn't stop thinking about the fact that her daughter _loved_ that young man.

Aaron couldn't stop thinking about the fact that she loved him.

And from the moment those words left her mouth on, she couldn't stop thinking about it either.

It felt so good to say it, she just wanted to say it over and over again.

So she looked at Aaron who had his arm draped over her shoulders and waited for him to look down, his hand drawing patterns on her arm. His other hand holding hers in his lap. She waited for him to look down at her and then smiled at him"I do love you" she whispered.

Aaron tried to contain his smile "Me too" his whisper was lower than hers.

Finally, she rested her head on his shoulder and waited to arrive wherever her mother was bringing them.

America got her a family.


	25. Chapter 25

On Christmas day Emily woke up feeling completely different from any other Christmas she had celebrated in her life.  
She got down the stairs and met her mother in the kitchen.

"I always forget that you can actually do things" she joked when she saw her mother cook breakfast.

"HA HA" Elizabeth mocked "You're so funny" she put down the utensils and walked up to her daughter "Merry Christmas angel" she kissed her cheek and Emily hugged her "Merry Christmas mom" they shared a sweet smile and then the two Prentiss women worked together on breakfast.

It was something so new for the both of them but at the same time it felt like the homey feeling had been laying deep down in their hearts for so long but never got the chance to get out.

It was something they had been craving for so long, probably without even knowing.

"So, I want you ready in a hour" Elizabeth stated once they were done with breakfast "We have to be up and running"

"What?" Emily's eyes widened "No mom please" for a split second her whole world crushed down and the ground beneath her feet crumbled.  
She had been so sure that things were better, that her mother had finally understood her but for that split second she feared that everything was going to be ereased.  
That she was going to go back to square one.  
That she had to give up on the refound happiness.  
That she was going to lose it all again.

For that split second her breath was knocked out of her lungs.

Elizabeth chuckled "It's not what you think honey"  
At that, the young girl remembered how to breathe again and calmed herself down.

"Wait then- why?" she asked, not panicking anymore but now very confused.

"Well, we need to be somewhere. I've got something to show you" Elizabeth tried to hide her smile from her daughter who looked skeptical "What?"

"Emily it's a surprise. Stop asking questions because I'm not going to answer them"

"Mom! Come on!"

"No. Also, I was thinking we could go to the restaurant unless you want simple past for you Christmas lunch. Pick one and let me know"

"Restaurant. Definitely"

"That was blunt. And quick"

"You said it yourself that you suck"

"I didn't say that I suck"

"You said you can't cook"

"I said I can't cook a Christmas lunch"

"What's the difference?"

"AH! What's the difference? Uhg, you know what? I don't even want to talk about it. Go get ready"

"Does this place have a dresscode or something?"

Elizabeth smiled sadly at the young brunette.  
She knew Emily didn't feel like she belonged in that world and that she just wanted to be a girl of her age who didn't need to worry about impressions and lookings or at least, not as much as her world expected her to do.

"No honey" she whispered softly "Wear whatever you want"

"For the restaurant also?"

Elizabeth kissed her daughter's head "For the restaurant also" she squeezed her shoulders, let the moment sink in and then patted her butt "Hurry up"

"MOM!"

"Emily!"

Emily shook her head and went upstairs to get ready and thirty minutes later she came back down "Aren't we going to open the presents?"

"I know you want to but I promise we will as soon as we get back. I have an appointment and it's Christmas morning so it's a special favour. We can't be late"

"Kay" Emily shrugged and smiled at her mother's excitment.

"Let's go"

The drive in the car took 20 minutes and Emily had no idea where they were going.

"Can you give me a hint?"

"No"

"A little one?"

"No"

"Are we going to meet a person?"

"Yes"

"Who?"

"I'm not telling you"

"What does this person do?"

"Emily, stop. We're almost there"

"But mooooommmmmm!"

Elizabeth sighed "Patience patience dear"

Emily stayed in silence for the rest of the time, until they arrived at a huge, fancy and modern bulding where as soon as they got off the car, her mother walked to a man and shook his hand.

"Good morning Miss. Prentiss" the man said and her mother politely smiled exchanging the greetings and then introducing Emily to him "She is going to pick it"

"Pick what?" Emily asked confused.

The man smiled and shared a look with her mother before bringing them to another area of the building "A car, Miss. Prentiss" he nodded to the room full of brand new cars.

Emily's eyes widened and she immediatly turned to her mother "WHAT?"

Elizabeth laughed "You heard him"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

Elizabeth nodded, trying to keep the tears at knew this car was more than just a car but she didn't want to get into it right now.

"Go on. Let him help you" she said, trying to mask her emotions and Emily decided to ignore it for now but she knew deep stuff was going to come later.

They spent two hours getting on and off cars, trying things, hearing all the informations about all the cars they had in the dealship and finally Emily had the perfect car.  
It was a black Jeep Compass .  
It was fun and safe and stylish and oh boy, she loved it.

Elizabeth read it on her face as soon as she saw it and couldn't help but love the happiness shining in her dark, beautiful eyes.

"OH MY GOD! OKAY. I LOVE IT. THIS IS THE ONE!" she exclaimed excitedly.

The man, whose name was Adam, smiled at her excitment and told them to follow him in his office so they could take care of datails and paperwork.  
That's when her mother stepped in while Emily stood there, smiling and uncapble of believing that it was happening.

It only sank in when she sat back in her mother's car and she remembered that Adam told her the car was going to be ready in a week.

"Oh my god mom, I still can't believe you did this" Emily said when arrived at the restaurant.

They had spent the whole morning in the dealership so lunch was long overdue.

Elizabeth chuckled while she scanned through the menu, in the special Christmas lunch section.

"I know you wanted your own car" she said sofly and Emily smiled at her when she put down the menu.

"Emily" she sounded very serious now "I know you hate it. My job. My world-"

"Mom I don't hate it-"

"Honey, it's okay. Let me finish" she smiled sweetly making sure her daughter knew she wasn't mad or disappointed "I know you don't like it and you feel like you don't belong in it. And maybe you don't. The fact that I belong in it and you're my daughter doesn't make you automatically a part of this world. Maybe by extention. But not really. And I know I've forced you in it for your whole life and this caused you more pain that a human being should experience at your age"

Emily's eyes filled with tears

"I've dragged you all around the world and never once stopped and tried to put myself in your shoes. It must have been hard. All the changings and everything. I just assumed that if it was fine with me it was fine with you too. But how can it be fine for such a small girl who only wants to play with friends and have fun? It can't be fine and I found out way too late. I know presents can't fix the things I broke within you. They can't give you back all the things I took away. But this-" she choked on her tears "This car. It was important for me that you had it because I know that having to ride around with a personal driver is the first reminder of the normalcy you never had. So I guess this is my attempt to tell you that this life is yours and yours only and now you can be your driver and take yourself wherever your heart wants. You're the driver. You make the rules"

"I'm-" she stopped to swallow the tears "This is my way to tell you that it's okay if you don't want to be a part of my world but also a way to meet me halway. I hope" she chuckled darkly "I want you to know that this is not a "I'm sorry I messed you up. Take the car and let's pretend nothing ever happened" present. It is a "I'm sorry. I know. Let's move forward, starting with me giving you the freedom I never allowed you"

"Mom..." Emily tried to hold back the sobs "I don't know what to say" she laughed and patted her hand "You don't have to say anything amore mio" Emily smiled and the italian pet name.

"I don't need you to say anything. I need you to understand what this present represents"

"I understand" Emily said immediatly. Like it was a promise. Like it was a pact.  
And it felt like it.

Elizabeth smiled and nodded at her daughter "Then all I need you to say right now is what you want for lunch" she joked, hoping to lighten the moosd.  
Emily laughed and started reading the menu once time though, Emily knew something had changed within herself.  
She cast a glance at her mother from time to time because she was seeing her, once again, under another light and it was surreal.

Her mother just told her everything she ever wanted to hear.  
Shejust told her that she didn't need to be a part of something she didn't just let her free to be what she wanted and do what she just apologized, once more, for forcing her to be in a world she didn't want and never asking about it.

And yet, Emily wasn't happy. Not completely.

She studied her mother and something was missing in her eyes.

She looked like she wanted to shake off some worries and some fears.

Emily's heart sank when she realised her mother feared she had lost her for good now.

Did her mother really think that?

Emily couldn't let her believe that letting her go meant that Emily was going to leave and shut her out of her life.

She couldn't let her think that now she'd just walk away because she wasn't forced to do anything anymore.

And surely she couldn't let her believe that every time Emily spent time with her, it was out of obligation.

Because it was not.

Everything she ever wanted was a mother to live and spend time with.

She was not going to let her think that now, having a choice was going to mean that she'd never choose her mom.

She'd _always_ choose her mom.

"Mom" she said "I'm sorry. I-" she had to find the right words to explain this but it wasn't as easy as she initially thought.

Elizabeth in fact looked confused and worried.

Probably thinking that she said or did the wrong thing.

"Look. You're right. I hate it. I hate the dresses and I hate the fact that I can't breathe in those things and that most of the times they show way more than I'd like and that old men hit on me all the time because of it. I hate the fact that they're all fake and have a second meaning to everything they do. I hate the inuhaminty some of them have inside of them and the fact that it's all about what's on the outside and never in the inside. But-" she sighed and licked her lips at her mother's frown.

"But it is part of who I am. And it might not be all my world or my favourite part. But it's part of it...a great part of it. Because it is your world. And you're my mom. How could something yours not be part of me? I hated it and I probably will always do but I never had a reason to like it. Because I thought that it would always come before me. Because I thought that you preferred that to me and because I thought you were like them. Caring about what's on the outside and not on the inside. And I thought that it was a reason to be disappointed in me, because I wasn't like that. Like them. Now it's different because I'm older, and we're here and we're _different._ We healed and I have all the right reasons to give this world another shot. For you. I don't know how and if this will work and I can't promise that I'll love it but I was thinking we could make a deal..."

"What kind of deal?"

"Well, I can be there for the very important things. The ones you think I need to be at. And the ones...well...the ones you want me to attend. You really want me to"

Elizabeth's eyes softened "I guess...this is the meeting you halfway you were talking about and hoping for"

"I don't want you to feel forced honey, I-"

"I don't. I want to do it. It's right. I don't want to shut you out of my life and I don't want to be shut out of yours. Until we find something that is 100% suitable for the both of us, like maybe a private island somwhere" they both laughed at the joke "Halfway is right" she became serious again "It can't be that bad now that well...now that I have you"

Elizabeth smiled at her daughter and Emily returned the exact same smile.

"In case it wasn't clear, I'm keeping the car. Even if I still choose to be in your crappy political world" Emily cracked a joke to lighten the mood.

"Oh and I also want cannelloni and Beef Wellington, with potatoes. You pick the appetizers and the wine"

Elizabeth giggled and called the waiter to give him their orders.

Throughout the whole lunch, both of them couldn't help but think that that one was the best Christmas lunches of their lives.  
Probably the best lunch ever. Period.

* * *

"Is Aaron coming over later?" they were done with lunch and now they were having a walk around. Enojoyng the lights and the snow and the Christmas spirit.

"Uhm, I actually don't know. I haven't called him yet"

"You could invite them all over" Elizabeth said, holding on to her arm "Unless they have plans with their families, of course"

Emily shrugged "Maybe tomorrow? You could meet them for real this time but today I kinda want to be with you"

Elizabeth smiled, moved by her daughter's words "Whatever you want, querida"

Emily chuckled "I think you're the woman with the longest list of pet names on Earth"

They walked in silence for a while then Elizabeth spoke again "You know...I like him"

"Aaron?"

"Mhmh. He's sweet and seems absolutely in love with you and-" she noticed the smiled on her daughter's face "And he makes you smile" she said sofly

"He's also funny and put up a fight with me when it came to Christmas decorations" Emily smiled "I'm very happy you've got him"

"I'm happy too" she said "And you'll adore the rest of them as well. They're amazing!"

"Tell me about them. You've never told me much"

"Well..."

She told her all about Penelope's good heart and explosive personality.  
Spencer's bright mind and Derek's protective side.  
She told them how they all felt like brothers and sisters, especially JJ who she shared really important things with.

She told her about the patience and determination they had in the beginning, when she was hard and closed off.  
About the way they didn't give up on her and made sure they'd be there when she needed them.

"I really can't wait for you to meet them"

"I can't wait to meet them either. I was also thinking that before I leave I'd like to invite Erin Strauss and her husband for dinner. You know...after all they've done-"

"That's awesome. I agree"

Elizabeth smiled "I'll give her a call tomorrow"

"Great"

"Oh and by the way, Aaron also passed the test"

"Speaking of which, are you saving the bad questions for a special moment because I expected the worst but you were...nice"

Elizabeth chuckled "I never wanted to ask those questions. That was never the plan. I'm not an embarassing mom. At least not like that. I just wanted to know him"

"Well, I think you know everything you need to know about the embarassing...stuff"

"Oh, since you mentioned. Honey, have you been going to the doctor for checkups?"

Emily groaned "Ughh mom, you were doing so fine"

"Honey, I'm serious" Emily sighed because it was clear that her mom was indeed serious so she tried to be as honest as possible "I- uhm- I did in the beginning but last time was still in Rome"

"EMILY!"

"WHAT! It's not like it's ejoyable"

"Well, you have to. With all that happened-"

"No need to remind me"

Elizabeth sighed "Honey, I just want you to be okay"

Emily looked at her mother and knew her mother was taking care of her and making sure she was fine "I know"

"Awesome!" she exclaimed "I'll add booking an appointment for you to the list of things to do before I leave again"

"Do you really have to go back?"

"Ma chèrie I-"

Emily sighed "I know. I know. It's okay. I'll try to visit. Maybe during Spring break or something"

"That'd be great. Spain could use you"

Emily laughed and enjoyed the rest of the day with her mother.

* * *

"Hey" Emily said on the phone. Her mother had fallen asleep on the couch while watching Home Alone so Emily gently shook her and told her to go to sleep and now she was in her room, changed in her pajamas, sitting on her bed and finally speaking with her boyfriend.

"Hey there" Aaron said.  
It was pretty late but she was glad he picked up.  
She smiled and bit her lip because she knew he'd always pick up for her.

"Merry Christmas" Emily whispered."Merry Christmas to you too"

"I'm sorry I didn't call sooner it's just that my mother-"

"Hey, it's okay! It's Christmas, everone's busy. Plus, we saw each other yesterday and we'll see each other tomorrow"

"Are you saying you didn't miss me?"

"I'm saying I love you"

"I'm not sure I heard those words"

"Well, you'll hear them now. I love you, and of course I missed you"

"I love you too and I also missed you"

"Did you have fun with your mom?"

"OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!"

Aaron chuckled and smiled at the happiness in his girlfriend's voice "Tell me everything"

"So I wake up. And she's making breakfast. We eat and everything and then she tells me to get ready as soon as possible because we have an appointment somewhere and can't be late"

"What? Are you trying to tell me that you actually had fun at one of your mother's things?"

"No. Never. Shut up"

Aaron laughed.

"So she doesn't tell me where we're going and like I only find out when I literally get inside this huge room where guess what?"

"What?"

"CARS AARON! CARS!"

"SHE GOT YOU A CAR?"

"SHE GOT A PRIVATE APPOINTMENT ON CHRISTMAS MORNING SO THAT GETTING TO PICK MY OWN CAR COULD BE MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT!"

She told him all about the speech she gave her and how much it meant for the both of them to have that conversation and she explained that they reached another level in their relationship because they finally found a compromise without hurting each other.  
Something that could make them both happy.

"And what did you do?" she asked him when she was done with her updating.

"Usual. Nothing special. And I definitely didn't get a car"

"You have a car"

"True"

"Did JJ like the present?"

"I gave it to her tonight. I didn't want her to feel weird right in the morning and also I didn't know how my parents would feel about it. You know, I didn't want to make anyone sad"

"Of course... was she sad?"

"She cried. But- she wasn't sad. She said she was happy that she could wear it again" Aaron had their sister's necklace fixed for JJ. He knew she loved it and that her heart phisically broke the moment the necklace broke so he decided to get it fixed for her but he didn't know if it was a good Christmas present.  
So he had talked about it with Emily and she thought it was a great idea so she now wanted to know if she had messed up royally or not.

"She loved it"

"I'm so glad she did and by the way, my mother loved you"

"What?"

"Yeah. She would swap and have you as her son instead of me as her daughter if she could and she also said that you guys could come all to the house for dinner or something. I'm not sure what she has in mind. I think like tomorrow or whenever you all can"

"I'm really happy things are going great with your mom baby"

"Me too" Emily whispered.

They kept talking because it was always so easy and time flew every time they were together but after a while Aaron yawned.

"Bebe, are you tired?" Emily said softly.

"No I'm good. Go on"

Emily giggled and smiled because he was the sweetest man on Earth and she loved him so much.

"It's okay. Go to sleep"

"I don't want to" he said "I like hearing your voice. I haven't heard it all day" Aaron said but it was so clear that he was about to pass out.

"I'll stay on the phone. You get in bed and close your eyes and I'll stay on the phone"

Aaron smiled because he did what he was told and heard Emily speak softly in his ear until he fell asleep.  
Soon enough, Emily heard his soft snores and waited a little to make sure he was truly asleep and then hung up.

Then she looked around and got up from her bed to go in her mother's room.  
She was sleeping soundly so Emily tried her best not to wake her while she climbed in bed with her.

She panicked a little when she felt her mother move but then she felt her reach out and hold her.  
With a smile on her face, she laid there in her mother's hold.

Content with her life.


	26. Chapter 26

Emily sat at the table, looking around herself and all the could think of was how her life went from being a nightmare, to be the perfect dream.

Here she was, sitting with the people she loved most.  
She was listening to her mother telling stories from their life to her friends and looking at their shocked and incredulous faces.  
She never really spoke about the past and the places she has been to or the things she got to do thanks to her mother's job.  
She was always too focused on the worst parts to think about and enjoy the good ones.

Now, listening to her mother's tales, it was all coming back and the happiness that filled her heart was something she never thought she'd feel.

They were all amazed by her mother, who was doing great.  
She was funny and interesting and incredibly warm to all of them.  
Her friends would chime in from time to time and her mother would wittily shut them up not to anticipate anything.  
That always stole a smile from her because she loved that side of her mother.  
The witty and ironic one.  
She had a good sense of humor and Emily saw herself in that side of her mom.

Aaron was sitting next to her and everytime her mom mentioned her or told a story about her, he'd turn around, laugh and affectionately squeeze or pat her leg.  
Spencer was asking her mother all sorts of questions.  
The kind of questions none of them would ever think about and her mother loved it.  
They were about the countries and the job and everything Emily always found kind of boring.  
Her mother, on the other side, loved it.

She knew Spencer was slowly becoming her mother's favourite.  
She smiled because Spencer was everyone's favourite.  
They all kept an eye on him because he special.

His great mind was a gift, of course, but it could also be a curse and they all made sure that it would never be that for Spencer.  
Also, they knew about his mother's condition and how hard it was for him to be alone in that.  
So they all tried to remind him that he wasn't alone.

That's what they all did for each other.

Penelope and JJ were fascinated with the tales from another time and other lands.  
They were so day dreaming about traveling and living love stories in other times and esotic places.  
Not that her mom was really talking about her love life.  
She'd get close sometimes but would never get really into it or explicit about it.

She had to admit that it was easy to daydream about living that life, in another place and another time.  
Where things were different and relationships were deeper. More true.

Derek would always crack a joke.  
Jokes her mother genuinely laughed to.  
They all did.

It was the perfect picture, something she'd never trade for anything in the world and it was all that mattered.  
Also, she was glad her mother didn't turn this into a fancy night.  
No one would have been comfortable.  
It was pizza and chat.

She still couldn't believe that that one was her mother.  
But she was awesome.  
And she was never going to grow tired of all the surprises she could pull off.

She was amazed by the fact that the conversation was flowing so normally and smoothly.  
Her mother was telling her stories but also listening to her friends' ones, in fact soon enough she was hearing their projects for their future and giving them advice.

"And feel free to call me whenever you figure out what are Emily's plans. Thank you very much" Elizabeth smirked and Emily rolled her eyes "I'll hack her computer and snoop around to see if I can find something" Penelope joked and Elizabeth looked intersted

"MOM!"

"WHAT?"

"YOU'RE REALLY THINKING ABOUT THAT!"

"EMILY DON'T BE RIDICULOUS! I was just- thinking that..."

"OMG YOU WANT TO HACK SOMEONE'S SYSTEM AND START A WAR? END THE WORLD?"

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and everybody laughed but then a phone ringed "I'm afraid that would be mine" Elizabeth cast a glance at her daughter who smiled so she left the room to answer the call.

"I can't believe you've been hiding her from us all this time!" Penelope exclaimed.

"Trust me, she's been hiding from me as well" the brunette chuckled "She'll probably stay on the phone for like forever so if you're all done we could go watch a movie or something"

"I want to watch Solaris. Why can't we watch Solaris?" Spencer asked while they walked towards the family room where there was the huge cinema screen.

"Because it's longer than my whole life" Derek said and Spencer looked confused "Technically your life is 166440 hours long. It's physically impossible for a movie to be this longer and Solaris-"

"Spence, he was just joking. Don't mind him" Emily patted his shoulder and smiled sweetly at her clueless friend.  
Penelope elbowed Derek in the stomach "Idiot"

"Oh and also, we can't watch Solaris because we're watching Fast and Furious" Derek said and this got him another elbow in the stomach by Penelope.

"Baby girl stop! You're gonna bruise my perfect toned stomach"

"You stop. There's no way in hell I'm letting you watch that horrid movie"

"HORRID! TAKE IT BACK IMMEDIATELY!" Derek warned

"I'll die before I do"

"I'm giving you a chance here. Don't mess with me baby girl"

Penelope mocked him and before she could finish, she saw him attack her and a high pitched squeal left her mouth before she tried to run away from him.  
Derek ran behind her and the rest of them stayed behind, rolling their eyes at their frends antics.

"We're going to spend the rest of the night trying to figure out what to watch and then we'll end up settling on something stupid and random on TV because someone makes a comment or says something stupid which will start a war. Like always" JJ said sighed and Emily nodded knowingly at her before glancing behind her and seeing Aaron talk with Spencer about something, probably boring.

Spencer and Aaron had more in common than what they thought they did.

Once they reached the family room, they met Derek and Penelope laying on the huge armchairs, laughing about something they definitely didn't want to know.  
They all settled down, still fighting about what to watch and before they knew it, they had spent a whole hour without getting anywhere and got only interrupted by Elizabeth walking in with all kinds of snacks.

"I figured I'd find you here watching- oh, you're not watching anything"

"Yeah, that's pretty much what happens every time" JJ said. She loved watching movies, she really had a culture and had watched a lot of them. She was really good at cinema stuff so it really bothered her that every time she had the chance to enjoy a movie on such a big screen, she'd always had to miss it because of her dumb friends.  
That's why she often went to Emily's house alone, so they could watch them together.  
Emily loved movies too.  
Not as much as JJ, but still quite a lot.

Emily took a mental note to let JJ come over in the next days and watch whatever she wanted to watch, and also Spencer, so they could watch Solaris together.  
It wasn't Emily's favourite.  
But she'd do it for Spencer.

"Mom, pick a movie" Emily said from were she was sharing an armchair with Aaron.

"Yes please! Whatever you pick is fine! At least it will be something. And you hold authority so no one will complain. I'm begging here" JJ begged, almost losing her mind.

"Oh no dears, I don't- I don't know a lot of movies"

"That's so not true! You know all the classics, for starters-"

"OH MY! I LOVE THE CLASSICS!" Penelope said.

"Only the classics. Nothing else, Emily"

So here they were, talking about cinema and movies and of course Elizabeth told them about the times he met this actress and this actor here and there.  
JJ for the first time enjoyed the talking instead of watching movies.  
Because it was about what she loved most and she got to hear stories about meetings with milestones of the cinema.  
And here they were again.  
Chatting and sharing opinions, passions and thoughts all over again, losing track of the time and not really caring about everything else.

That's something Elizabeth noticed, the fact that none of them checked their phones once. Not even Penelope, who, according to everyone, was the most attached to technology.  
There was no need of those devices because they were all having a good time there and her heart filled with joy because of course she was grateful that her daughter had friends who could still look into each other eyes and enjoy the present, without having to be everywhere at the same time. Like it was always more common between young people and herself as well. She felt a bit ashamed when she realized she had been the only one on the phone from time to time.  
Of course it was because of work reasons and only when she really couldn't let it pass.

But she admired those kids.  
For their sense of sharing and how strong they felt about relationships and connections. They were committed and it was clear that they cared about one another, including Emily who was the last one to add up to a group that probably formed years and years ago.

So she looked at them, laughing and joking. Making fun of each other in the healthiest way possible and letting each other in over and over again.  
She smiled and decided to leave them be.  
It had been fun and she knew that all of them appreciated spending time with her and listening to their stories. She knew because you can be the best liar, but still couldn't fake that.  
You couldn't fake the light she saw in their eyes and she genuinity in those smiles, but she felt like giving them a bit of space for themselves anyway.

"My dears, I think I better call it a night. I'm still catching up with the timezone and I'm exhausted. You're all welcome to stay the night, especially if you think this is going to take long. I'm sure you can come up with a comfortable enough arrangment for everyone, you'd have to share but I hope it won't be a problem"

"Thank you Mrs. Prentiss" JJ smiled and everyone else followed "Thank you so much"

"Please call me Elizabeth. It's been a pleasure darlings" she blew kisses to each one of them and finally retired to her bedroom for some much needed sleep.

"Emily, your mom is awesome" Penelope beamed and Emily smiled, snuggling more into Aaron's side who kissed her forehead and stroked her hair.

"She's like a legend man" Derek stated incredulous.

"I must say that some of the things she told us tonight, I didn't know either and some of them I was definitely glad I didn't know. Like how she used to throw bras at concerts. Like what the hell? No thanks mom"

They laughed "But she's quite epic, I can't deny that"

"So, enough with story time. Let's get down to business" Derek rubbed his hands together "Derek, no one's getting drunk while my mom's upstairs"

"Ohhh come on!"

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Okay so no alchol but let's spin a bottle"

"Derek you're not kissing my girlfriend"

"Oh man!" everyone chuckled and eventually Penelope raised her hand "I actually need to address a super very important thing that is eating me alive and I've been told not to bring it up but I really canìt-"

"Baby girl, shoot it"

"Spencer" the young boy jumped a little under the intense stare of his blonde friend "Wh-what?"

"Who's the girl you were kissing at the dance?" Spencer's eyes widened and immediately Emily and JJ rubbed their faces because they had expressly told her not to bring it up until he did. Derek looked completely shocked because he didn't know about any girl "What is she talking about kid?"

"Derek-" Emily tried to stop Derek to go further because she feared that if Spencer had been even close to telling them about her, with them cornering him, he'd close off and shut them out but she was surprised to say the least when she was cut off by Spencer himself.

"Her name is Maeve" he said with a smile.

That took them all by surprise. Emily and JJ had thought that he'd get upset, Penelope was quite sure that she'd have to fight him to get the answers out of him, Derek was still trying to process the fact that at the dance Spencer was kissing a girl and he didn't know about it.  
Aaron was simply holding Emily in his lap, feeling really happy for the boy he considered his little brother.

Spencer chuckled at all their faces "Hey, try to look less shocked"

"No Spence! It's jsut-" JJ words died in her throat.

"We weren't expecting you to tell us. Not with Penny going straight to the point like that" she glared a little at the blonde girl who waved it off "Okay so tell us tell us. Tell us every single thing. How'd you meet her her? When? Come on come on"

Spencer chuckled "I met her at the library, we were looking for the same book so we started talking about it. We've been talking since then"

"When is then?" JJ surprised herself by asking.

"Fifty-seven days ago"

"And you didn't tell me anything bro? Come on!" Derek sounded a little way too hurt since this was definitely not about him but they all let it slide, except for Spencer.

"I didn't know my feelings for her ran that deep"

Emily smiled "You have feelings for her?" Spencer looked at her and smiled back. She wasn't the only one who didn't baby him and he always appreciated that.

"I realized that at the dance. When I saw her. She was- she was breathtaking" He murmured, lowering his gaze to hide the blush.

They all shared a look. This was getting definitely interesting. "Wait so. Wait" Penelope looked like something was running wild in her mind "You invited her at the dance without knowing that you liked her. So if you didn't like her, why did you invite her?"

"She asked me if I was taking anyone to the dance. I said no. She said she wasn't either and for some reason I didn't understand that she was implicitly asking me to ask her"

Her friends smiled because of course he'd not catch that.

"So she asked me"

"Aww Spence!" JJ ogled but of course Penelope was not satisfied yet "And then who kissed who? Come on wonder boy, don't make me drag every single word from your mouth!"

"Penelope, I think that can be enough for now. Let the poor kid breathe" Aaron chimed in and Penelope huffed "You always ruin the fun, bossman"

Aaron chuckled and shook his head at the blonde sticking her tongue out at him "Wait a second" Derek said "are we going to meet this mysterious girl?"

Spencer hinted a smiled "Yeah, I think that'll happen soon"

At that they all smiled and nodded sweetly at their friend, letting him off the hook for the time being, Derek patting his back proudly.

"Oh and by the way, baby girl, just know that you'll be the next one to get on the hot seat" he said and Penelope's eyes hot open.

"I don't know what you're talking about" she played dumb but for now no one asked more about it.  
They'll get to her in time.

* * *

 _Hi guys!_  
 _This is the first time ever I leave notes under the chapter but I felt like it was necessary._  
 _First of all, I really wanted to thank you for the support you've been giving me whether is through reviews, favourites, follows or all of them._  
 _It really means a lot ot me to recieve this kind of response by all of you, and it warms my heart each and every time._

 _Also I kanda wanted to explain this chapter._  
 _You see, I pretty much have the rest of the story all figured out but I struggled with this one and I had a bit of a writer block so I guess what I wanted to do with this note was beg you to forgive me hahah._  
 _And also don't abandon after this one because there's more to come._  
 _Some fluff, some smut, some fluff._  
 _It's all coming._  
 _Stick with me guys!_


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